Life, life purpose and the coronavirus.

Like the vast majority of us, I am spending most of my time with myself. Lockdown is not as arduous for me, as for some of us - something I am thankful for. 

I am pretty comfortable on my own, don’t bore easily - and have joked with a few friends that life is really rather busy at the moment with working from home, meditating, online zoom classes, chatting to friends and family, my daily walk and the usual cooking and cleaning, 

I have found that in carving out a new housebound structure, thoughts of what my life purpose is, have been bubbling to the surface. This, and the inner calling of what I can offer and give to the world at large, not just those close to me. 

And as coronavirus engulfs every corner of our world; for the first time in a long time, I wish I had heeded the cultural call of my motherland and read medicine at University, because then I could really help. But we have to work with what we’ve got, and life experience has taught me that whatever you do, whatever your circle, however great your reach - in terms of family, friends or followers - life purpose is about your personal influence - how we affect people.

In fact, it reminds me of a book I read when my kids were babies. I think the book was called “Toddler Taming” and in it, was a sentence that hit me like a truck and has stayed with me since. It was something like: “you hypnotise your children every day, and it is up to you, how you choose to hypnotise them.” 

As a mother, I made it my life mission to inject my kids with an internal, unwavering belief and a positive spin wherever possible. I tried never to tell them off by saying, “they were bad”, instead choosing to say, “they did a bad thing”. Not sure I got this right all the time - you’d have to ask my kids.

But that sentence resonated in a really profound way for me. I took it to heart, so if I had the opportunity to bring joy, however small and inconsequential to anyone I met, I took it. If I could affect a positive change for someone that crossed my path then I would. Then I realised, that’s how I had always wanted to be; maybe that was my life purpose?

When I was younger, much younger, I am talking 6 or 7,  life was a no brainer for me - I knew unequivocally I wanted to be a singer-songwriter -  and to express myself through connecting with people. Radiating emotion was what I was born to do. But life took its share of twists and turns and for a while life purpose became synonymous with achievement. I didn’t see that the lines were becoming blurred. But circumstance kept reminding me - whatever I chose to do, or whatever happiness or heartache presented itself in my world - what I felt, how I shared it, and finding a silver lining underpinned everything.

Contrary to popular belief I am not happy all the time, nor am I lovely all the time. Life is not a comparative study so I can’t say if the sadnesses and darkness I have experienced are better or worse than yours, but I am 51 so I have lived a share of ups and downs. And at times, even I'm surprised at the lightning speed at which I process emotions sometimes, and flip my mood. I will always find the joy even if it is buried under a pile of metaphorical rubble.

Sometimes I am asked how my social media can look so happy and positive. It’s not fake - it’s how and who I am. If I grieve, get angry or upset, I do it in private. And frustratingly I am not superhuman so I do ask for help sometimes. But I do believe my life purpose is all about emotion and joy. Above all, I want to leave people feeling happier, more uplifted and positive than when we met. 

And what I will say about this time we are going through is this; many people have talked about going back to normal at some point. I don’t believe in going backwards, and what we knew as normal had to change - nature, the universe, whatever you want to call it, has spoken. 

There are things I can’t explain, justify or put a positive spin on, namely so much suffering, and so many deaths. The grief, the fear, the worry, the sorrow - it is all valid. But I do strongly feel we are stepping into a new world. And I do hope that as a collective we come through as a more thoughtful, compassionate, caring, loving race for ourselves as individuals, each other and the world in which we live, and that - will be a thing of joy. 

My life as a podcaster...

If you have been following me on Instagram (my favourite social media platform) you will know that I launched a podcast series three weeks ago called About Last Night.

The premise is to meet up with a variety of creatives who excel in their field and talk about the highs and lows of their journeys and how and where they find joy in their lives.

I have wanted to do this for ages and quite frankly I am having a ball.

The conversation is the easy bit - I love research and interviewing people as I spent a number of years before becoming a professional singer as an editor in a publishing house, and the performance aspect of the podcast - well I think that's part of my DNA.

But - the technology - well THAT is challenging at times.

As a singer when I record anything, I do my thing and then leave it to the engineer and producer to edit...so learning to edit these episodes is a steep learning curve for me and whilst I have the odd freak out, I am loving the satisfaction of getting to grips with a new skill.

On that note I must thank my team who have been telling me for years that this idea had to come to fruition, so thank you Carly - for prodding me in the nicest possible way and Jemma - who is tasked with teaching me the editing process and dealing with said freak outs...I can't verbalise how important words are to me, ironic I know. I don't care if they are sung, spoken or written, I spend my professional and personal life pouring over them.

So creating a podcast where I get to have interesting, insightful conversation with people is stimulating and nourishing beyond belief. Connecting and communicating with people in itself is a joy for me but there are so many learning, "take away" moments in each conversation.

I made the decision to record at the end of the day in a cafe or bar because I wanted a social vibe and energetically recording at the end of the day creates a certain atmosphere, it's intangible, but it's there. I don't know if any other podcasts do this, but it suits my style.

A few people who have listened have said it takes a while to get used to the background sound - so I would love to know what you think - so in case you haven't heard it here is Episode 1 with celebrity hairstylist and the man in charge of my hair, Ben Cooke:https://bit.ly/2MQtcq6

I have been really lucky because I drew up a wish list from my immediate network for Season 1 (9 or 10 episodes, I haven't decided yet) and everyone said yes! So a massive thank you to my guests - you have all been wonderful and so generous with your time and your words.

Last night I recorded an episode with Geeta Sidhu-Robb, CEO of Nosh Detox, whose story blew my mind and the week before I recorded with Oli Rockberger - kick-ass pianist, producer, songwriter, who is currently in Laura Mvula's band. I am trying to cover lots of different creative spheres, but looking ahead to Season 2, if you have any suggestions, let me know.Tomorrow's upload features Sheila McKain, a wonderful creative director and co founder of Laain Activewear. Just to whet your appetite Sheila has in her time worked with Oscar de la Renta and Donna Karan. So check out my socials tomorrow to listen to Sheila's and my conversation and tell me what you think. I'd also love to know whether you'd like the episodes fortnightly rather than every three weeks.

I love catching up with you on here, and I couldn't quite believe it's been a month since my last post...but they do say time flies when you're having fun and I do try to have as much fun as possible :)