Coffee with Matchesfashion.com's Ruth Chapman
Ruth Chapman
Ruth Chapman, Joint Founder
Photographer Credit : Ed Reeve
Ruth Chapman's Matchesfashion.com is a global luxury-shopping destination for men and women. It is all about exclusivity, beauty and aspirational fashion.
So it may not surprise you that I pop into their Wimbledon store every now and again, and often take my credit card to task…
Last week, I sat down with Ruth Chapman to talk fashion, motherhood, daily routines and future goals.
The Matchesfashion.com Wimbledon Village store
Ruth Chapman on fashion and her business
Ruth, co-founded the business with her husband Tom. The couple recently stepped down as joint chief executives after 27 years at the helm and are now joint chairmen.
“My love for fashion has always been with me, “ says Ruth, “even from the really early days. The writing was definitely on the wall. When I was at school I used to waitress to save up for dresses I had seen in Vogue.
”Her mother and her stepmother helped fuel the passion, as Ruth says they were both incredibly glamorous women - there was nothing slap dash about them getting ready to go out.
Of the company, Ruth describes her role as the “guardian of brand - Matchesfashion.com”. Nothing happens unless she sees it, likes it and approves it.
Every piece bought for a season goes through a list of lengthy considerations: do we have too many pieces that are similar? Is it relevant to the business brand? Does the design/fabrication/style justify the price point?
But most of all, Ruth and her “strong buying” team keep the customer at the forefront of all decisions. “You can never underestimate the customer’s intelligence,” she comments.
Starting with one shop, Matchesfashion.com now have 14 stores and a significant online presence, which accounts for 85% of the business.
Ruth tells me, “The company has changed a lot over the last 30 years. The British Fashion Council have been around for about 26 years, so I feel we have grown as a business alongside British creativity.
”Ruth feels that right now fashion is a very exciting place to be, “Globally, there is a huge appetite for fashion,” she says. “But when we started that wasn’t the case. I used to think the Italians dressed beautifully, I still do, but that time British people didn’t necessarily.“
“There were a few people who wanted to buy beautiful clothes but they weren’t so smitten with it as they are now, and young people weren’t as fashion obsessed. Now the whole spectrum - from 16 to 75 year old women and men are really interested in feeling current and beautiful. People are much more engaged than they were before.”
Ruth on High Street brands:
I knew the answer to this before I asked it but I asked anyway. Does Ruth Chapman ever buy on the High Street? No - not for herself, but yes for her daughters.
Her standouts on the High Street are
,
,
and
.
Zara, she describes as “clever”.
“I do think stores like Uniqlo do commodity basics and denim really well. But I do feel it is a shame when the High Street copies a designer’s ideas.
”She continues, “This is particularly hard for young designers who haven’t made much money and although the design is uniquely theirs, they can’t protect it and that’s infuriating.
”The accessibility of fashion and how quickly the High Street can turn around catwalk looks is incredible, but it is a double-edged sword.
Ruth on Motherhood:
When Ruth talks about her children she smiles. She has poise and elegance in the way she talks about everything, so is not a “gushy” mother. But her love and pride for her three children, 22, 21 and 16, is evident.I ask how being a mother fits with the fashion business – she says, “Fashion is actually an easy industry to have children in. And working for yourself is a luxury. You can tailor your time to suit you and take time out to do what you want to with your children. If I worked in a law firm it would be so much harder.”
Ruth on Routines:
Surprisingly to me, Ruth doesn’t wake up at 4am. I don’t know why I thought she would, but I had visions of being on the phone to Australia and doing Bikram Yoga!
She starts her day at 7am – she favours a calm start to the day. She enjoys making a “delicious” breakfast with alkaline foods; draws a bath and reads the paper. Some days she exercises. She is generally always in the office for 9am.As she says, “I couldn’t think straight without my own time first thing in the morning.”
Ruth on Goals:
Without hesitation, she says, “Well, motherhood is an amazing achievement and one of my goals, though it may sound silly, is to be around to look after my grandchildren. But in truth, I’m not very strategic, I am a very live-in-the-moment person and quite organic.
”She goes on, “I never plan more than five years in advance and I never think I want to be chairman of this, or invest in that. If an opportunity presents itself, of course, we formulate a plan quickly.
”She tells me she would like to continue working, working in fashion and travelling and get involved in more charities. She and her husband currently work with a charity called Access, providing work placements for children from under privileged backgrounds.
There is a lot to Ruth Chapman – she seems to have almost the perfect balance of serenity and focus – something I certainly aspire to. Having been incredibly generous with her time, I came away having had a lovely interlude and am looking forward to seeing her in the New Year to chat about Spring/Summer 2016.
No 23 Welbeck Street, Matchesfashion.com's Private Events and Shopping Townhouse
Jazz Voice – part of the London Jazz Festival
Last Friday I went to the London Jazz Festival’s Jazz Voice concert, celebrating the singer and the song, at the Barbican.Elaine Delmar, Liv Warfield, Joe Stilgoe, Jarrod Lawson, Becca Stevens, and Nicki Wells with Nitin Sawhney, Foxes and Rebecca Ferguson joined the Guy Barker Orchestra.
Standouts of the night for me included American R&B singer, Liv Warfield. Apparently, mentored by Prince, her stage presence was crazily great. In the first set, she belted out Tina Turner’s “River Deep, Mountain High” with such commitment and energy, I felt the emotion coursing through my veins. In the second set she gave an incredible performance of Joni Mitchell’s “Black Crow”.
The other standout, in my opinion, was Nicki Wells, who was accompanied by Nitin Sawhney. She sang “God Bless the Child” and an original called, “Dark Day”, written by Sawhney.
I have spent a lot of time googling Wells over the last few days. Her rich tones completely drew me in. And I was fascinated by her command of the Indian classical scales - ragas.
I found myself feeling a pang for my aunt who is a superlative classical Indian singer. And though I sat with her on many an occasion when I was little, I never felt the desire to learn and sing Indian classical music in any depth.
Here’s a video I particularly liked of Nicki Wells performing with Nitin Sawhney:
What was interesting to me from the outset was apart from Elaine Delmar, whose rendition of “Tea for Two” was beautifully haunting, and Joe Stilgoe - the other singers performing weren’t “Jazz singers” as such. So there were times when I found myself anticipating phrasing and melodic lines I was expecting to hear that didn’t come - not a criticism merely an observation.
The surprise of the night for me was Rebecca Ferguson. I suppose being associated with the “X -Factor” has coloured my viewpoint a little. But her delivery was rich and textured. She sang “Why don’t you do right?” which was apparently called “Weed Smoker’s dream” when it was first written. Ferguson’s version was upbeat and edgy –I loved it.
The instrumental interludes though were the absolute highlight, in my opinion – which is a bit weird as the concert was celebrating the “Jazz Voice”. But as someone who listens to lots of John Coltrane and Miles Davis, you could say their Jazz voices were as relevant as those of Billie Holiday and Ella Fitzgerald?
The orchestral feature opened the second set and paid homage to the New York jazz club, The Village Vanguard. Barker’s arrangement, “Live at the Village Vanguard”, drew together music by John Coltrane, Thad Jones, Jimmy Heath, Bobby Timmons and Bill Evans.
Guy Barker's arrangements were stunning - layered and interesting. Though his tribute to Frank Sinatra felt a little cheesy to me. But I was definitely in the minority as most of the audience on their feet swaying to New York, New York.
And before Joe Stilgoe’s version of Lush Life, we were told Guy Barker thought it is the best song ever written…I'm afraid I disagree…But I am quibbling here as the euphoria of live music prevailed - two and half hours disappeared in a flash and I went home feeling fulfilled and sated.
What values do I want my kids to have?
Last week we had one of those rare family gatherings - my mum came over and we all sat around the kitchen table chatting for the afternoon. These kinds of moments are harder and harder to find, as my kids get older and more independent.
My mum, who is a retired teacher, never passes up the opportunity to impart her pearls of wisdom. These “chats” mainly centre around academic and professional decisions my children may make but can venture into contentious subjects like religion and even romantic choices!
As my mum held court, it was a bit of a flashback to my own teenage years and highlighted to me that so much of our own upbringing shapes how we parent our own children. There are beliefs and values that we staunchly stand by and some that we turn our backs on as we get older, as they no longer serve us.
As my children step into adulthood, I, of course, have hopes and aspirations for them, I want them to make the most of any opportunity that comes their way and rise to the challenges they may face. I want them live life as vibrantly as possible. But, I feel their values, principles and the way in which they live their lives are more important than what they achieve.
I have thought long and hard about this, and have tried to whittle down a huge list of values to just five.
Here are the key values I feel my daughter and son have, and hope they always will:
Kindness. To me, this is possibly the one of the most important things in life. Being generous, friendly and warm-hearted. Treating people with respect and focussing on doing good rather than harm.
Compassion. An emotional response of sympathy and having a desire to help someone who is suffering – my kids are particularly good at being compassionate.
Forgiveness. I toyed with loyalty here. But I feel loyalty is a quality that is more freely acquired and forgiveness is much harder to nurture. I know I still struggle with forgiveness sometimes.
Integrity. Being honest and having strong moral principles – none of us are squeaky clean, but striving to have integrity and being true to your principles is a great way to live your life, in my opinion.
Courage. I thought about bravery for the last key value but bravery is more about the ability to confront pain or danger without any feeling of fear. But there are times when we are all scared. I want my children to have courage - to be able to undertake difficulty or pain despite the sometimes, unavoidable presence of fear.
So what are your thoughts? Have I missed an important value in your opinion? If you are a parent, what values do you hope to instill in your children? And if you’re not a parent – what are your core values and what values do you appreciate most in a friend or loved one?
Defining your goals - the secret ingredient to achieving (and losing weight!)
balance-1499952
On Monday I stepped onto the bathroom scales (as I do every couple of weeks) and double took at the number staring back at me… don’t panic, it was favourable (and I’ll come back to that)!
You see on my summer holiday this year, I set myself a fitness goal. Over the last three years my weight has been creeping up. So much so that in the summer I was a stone heavier than where I was in the summer of 2012.I know three years is a long time so 4 pounds ish a year doesn’t sound like much but it was niggling me. I didn’t really know what the reason was for any sort of weight gain as I train quite hard and eat quite healthily 80% of the time. Nevertheless the scales were telling me very clearly that what I had been doing wasn’t as effective as it used to be. So I decided to readdress my goals.
Formal goal setting is a relatively new habit for me. We all have goals – I have had goals for years – but it has taken me a frighteningly long time to realise that having a concrete plan of action is vital to me actually achieving my goals in a meaningful way.
What was interesting about sitting down to redefine my fitness goals was I found myself re-planning and refining my goals in all areas of my life – professional and personal. The discipline and focus I started applying to my fitness regime began to permeate into every area of my life – it was a little like looking through a camera lens and refocusing the image so it was super sharp.
Yesterday the lovely Adam DT, with whom I work, told me about a quote attributed to the legendary Samurai Miyamoto Musashi.
Musashi said, "If you know the Way broadly, you will see it in all things." In other words, excellence achieved in anything increases your potential in all things. Not that I’m not saying that I’ve achieved excellence in anything yet, but with a focussed intent, persistence and purposeful practise, it’s a pretty great philosophy for life.
So back to my fitness goal and the Monday morning bathroom scales. Predominantly any exercise goal for me is health related. I wanted to kick start my metabolism to see if I could address my surreptitious weight gain, and improve my fitness levels, but I won’t lie – there is a vain element too.
So, what the scales told me on Monday is that I have lost 10lbs since August and am 0.7% off my leanest body fat percentage so… happy girl right here!
One thing I realise time and time again is that there is no end to learning if you are goal or desire driven. To get anywhere takes motivation, intention and hard work. But once you find the way that works for you – you do truly see it in all things. And I look forward to sharing my creative goals with you in the very near future…
Devoted follower of fashion or faithful to your own style?
haider
Gorgeous look by Haider Ackermann...which I would love...
As I was getting ready this morning, it occurred to me that whilst I adore fashion, I have stayed quite true to certain foundations of my personal style over the years.
There are four things I haven’t deviated from since I was about 15. My style mantra can be encapsulated by these words - hemlines, heels, hair…and leather!
mcqueen
Heels
I have touched on my love for heels here before.
I rarely wear flats, unless they are trainers or flip-flops, and a 3 inch heel is sensible to me. But hands down, my ideal heel height is 4 or 4.5 inches. Posturally, I hold my body better and walk straighter.
I know heels are not for everyone and I am a great believer that if something isn’t comfortable you shouldn’t wear it…but I love them! These are my latest lust, by
midi erdem
Hemlines
This season is awash with really full midi skirts, in quite weighty materials, which don’t work for me at all. I’m not sure if it is my height, or my shape or both (!) but I tend to be swamped when I try these on.
Here’s a lovely example by Erdem
, which I am sure will suit someone long, lean and athletic. Often, I am drawn to things that I know look better on someone taller or leaner, but it is nice to explore out of your fashion comfort zone sometimes. And if you don't try it, you'll never know...And whilst I love to wear floor length skirts, dresses and even the occasional sari, I favour mini skirts or shorts (as I am wearing today).
Obviously appropriateness and decency come into play. My shorts are never bottom skimming and the days of bare legs are saved for a hot summer’s day. But if I were to pick any sort of daily uniform it would probably consist of boots (high), tights (spotty) and shorts.
Hair:
don’t worry I’m not going to post another picture of my hair here, as there are more than enough on my
and
!! But long hair is my thing.
My mum actually didn’t let me have long hair for ages, but as soon as I was allowed I have never looked back. Hair can be the ultimate style statement in my opinion and I am quite in awe of people with short sharp edgy haircuts.
Personally the thought of having half an inch cut of mine leads to palpations!
Leather
Shame, this doesn't start with an “h” as I love a bit of alliteration… but anyway… I have been a leather jacket girl for about 20 years. Here's one of my most coveted jackets by
, it is the most gorgeous unusual green:
I love the elegance and warmth of being wrapped up in a proper coat…but when I am in a rush and undecided as to what to wear I always grab my trusty leather jacket, or one of them, as maybe unpredictably I have a few!
So, having said all this, I do love to know what is going on in fashion – this season, the coming seasons – though I tend not to be ruled by it.
I feel as you get older you definitely have a better sense of your own style. I still like to experiment and try new things and sometimes something unexpected can become a firm favourite. There are other looks however, I have tried past and present which should be labelled, “What was I thinking?! For me this is anything too floaty or "boho" - just doesn't work on me.
So what about you? Where do you stand?
Are you fashion forward or do you prefer to stick to what you know?I would say I have my feet in the “stay true to your own style” camp, whilst keeping an eye on new and upcoming trends…. and with this in mind, I seem to have my eye on a cape this winter…thoughts?
This one by Alexander McQueen might be a little high fashion!!
cape2
HDMC Video Shoot photo album
So I thought you might like to see a few behind the scenes photos of my recent video shoot.
If you've been wondering what HDMC stands for - it's "He Drives Me Crazy" - which is my version of the 80s hit by Fine Young Cannibals, "She Drives me Crazy".
Whilst we were studio based rather than on a location, we still had a complete blast and it really didn't feel like work. Huge thanks once again to an amazing team: Jamie, Adam, Mimi, Bertie, Duncan and Chan.
I can't wait to share the final cut of the video with you...soon I hope. Until then a few visuals to whet your appetite.... and as a mate asked me today - these photos are raw, I'm being brave - no airbrushing in sight!! x
How to parent when disappointment and heartache come calling
Things don’t always go our way and life isn’t fair - we all know this. Some of us learn this early and some of us can get quite far along in life before experiencing this.
Over recent weeks, both my kids have experienced things that haven’t gone their way - some relatively big, and some inconsequential – but as we all know sometimes it can be the smallest of disappointments that can hit us the hardest.
Emotional issues majoritively, I believe, have to be experienced because that’s how we learn. But for me they are amongst the most challenging situations to parent.
I guess we all remember how the teenage years are rife with heartache and disappointment. Sometimes I try to pre-empt certain situations with hypothetical conversations and “what ifs” but until they experience something first hand, teenagers for the most past are not interested – they breeze through life with an air of invincibility …ah how I miss those days…So as a parent can we safeguard against emotions like heartache or disappointment? Frustratingly I don’t think so. Even though the primal maternal genes in me really want to.
As a parent there is an innate mechanism that wants to make things all right for our kids – fix things. Is it control? Is it love? Is it our “job”? All of the above, I feel.
Of course, when my kids were little and suffered disappointment - cuddling and few well-chosen words would do the trick. But as they get older the stakes get higher and things just matter more.
The teenage years are hard to navigate; though I want to protect and console often my kids don’t want my help, they don’t want to be told that I can relate or know how they feel, or worse me tell them how they feel.
They want space and a lot of privacy. And, as for talking things through, well that’s what their friends are for, often not their parents.
So sadly, we can’t protect against heartache and disappointment. But I do believe you can nurture certain qualities and character traits: positivity, patience, strength, when to draw a line, becoming more resolute and determined even when it is absolutely the last thing you want to do.
As for what I can do when my help is not wanted …I go with lightening the mood and laughter…for me when my kids are sad making them smile is my number one goal.
Oh and food…I wonder if this is the Indian in me but with teenagers - in any situation – a well stocked fridge or larder goes a long way…And though there have been times when my kids have been sad, disappointed, heartbroken and down…. they always dust themselves off and get back up, even though sometimes it can take a while.
How much of this really has anything to do with my parenting skills? I don’t know. Maybe I have subliminally had a hand in a small way. I hope so.
But I do know their resilience makes me damn proud. And whilst it is incredibly hard for me - I am learning to wait in the wings in case I am needed, because sometimes as a parent that’s all we can do.
Balancing a performance and what an audience wants
So over the last few weeks I have been thinking a lot performance - and as an artist what I want to achieve when I take to the stage and what an audience wants…or rather what I think an audience wants or expects.
Any performer, I feel wants to take the audience on a journey, connect with them and share the energy and emotion of their material with them.
Many artists have a nightmare story or a wake up call in terms of performance. Mine was when I was about 14 - I was preparing for a jazz gig and working on some Billie Holiday repertoire. We had a rehearsal and I sang my first song.
I was really chuffed with myself and whilst I was still floating on my “performance high” my Jazz teacher asked me why I felt the need to be at 120% all the time and whether I had considered reigning it back a little.
He then went onto tell me it wasn’t about all me having the best time, it was about me giving the audience the best experience. Ouch…Sometimes the amount of emotion we give can be too much and actually I find if I try too hard to convey something it can be counterproductive and it is possible that I end up detracting from what I want to say.
For someone like me who is overly emotional in everything (!), taking the emotion out is actually really hard. But on the advice of my vocal coach, Jenny May (www.expressivevoice.co.uk), I recently decided to work on exactly that: the “less is more” approach to vocal delivery.
I almost had to tap into a “numb” feeling, which was quite a challenge. But focussing on paring back and giving less than normal was actually quite impactful.
But sometimes just being carried away with the moments of passion – with the band can also be amazing.
I have to say I love the extremes, and I do believe if you are totally in the moment and genuine the audience are always on your side.
A key element in any performance is commitment. Audiences are receptive and smart. And one thing I have learned from personal experience is an audience feeds off your energy. If you go through the motions, you lose them, but if you really stand by your convictions, the audience come with you - the wave of intensity and overriding emotion win.
I suppose what I really want to know from you is what kind of artists and performances you enjoy? What bores you and what reels you in?
And if you are an artist what works for you? Personally, I love working on technique and delivery - but when I get up to sing I tend to leave that at the door and go with the flow.
Loving the skin you're in
For as long as I can remember I have had problems with my skin – physically and metaphorically speaking.
I think I may have mentioned this before but I had really bad eczema head to toe, from about 5 years old to 15. It was unsightly, sore; it used to sting and was uncontrollably itchy.
I was one of those children who had to wear cotton mittens to bed or I’d scratch my skin raw and make it bleed, and I couldn’t wear jeans because the rash on my legs was so weepy that the material would stick to me - I know – horrid.
With the run up to my to my video shoot recently, a number of people have commented on how I have “good” skin. This makes me laugh because imprinted indelibly in my memory is my childhood eczema ridden skin; and when I look at my skin now I see every little scar from where the rashes were.
Please know that I well aware that having eczema isn’t the worst thing in the world, I know that there are much worse diseases and disorders to deal with. But eczema can be oddly insidious and debilitating. And when I was a child my skin became very infected so I was hospitalized twice, which was pretty scary.
I suppose predictably this all, in turn, had a knock on effect, on the metaphorical skin I was in.
I felt substandard because I had this horrible skin condition that affected how I looked, and felt and consequently changed the way I behaved. My self-esteem plummeted for a long time....And though it took me a while to see it, there were up sides. Firstly it wasn’t life threatening. Secondly, it taught me to how to look after myself in a very basic way. I had to learn from about 6 years old how to clean my skin properly and be really hygienic.
And though I didn’t want to be around people as I felt I looked bad so would spend a lot of time in my bedroom - music was my companion. Writing poetry and songs filled my days. It was a beautiful escape from reality.
Also, I have acquired a resilience that pops up when I need it. I am, as you may have realised, rather emotional and quite “fluffy” but there is something in me that makes me dig my heels in, stand up and push through. I won’t say eczema was the only factor in this character trait, but certainly a prevalent one.
So I suppose in comparison nowadays my skin is “good”. I still take care of it in a very particular, slightly obsessive way. I choose products carefully and always veer on the side of natural. And I think these days my self-esteem is on the up too (!!)I do however still get slightly panicked when I get a rash or a spot (!) but I have learned that it is not a disaster.
I have over the years had outbreaks of eczema, I’m not “cured” - certain foods, pollen, pregnancy and stress can all trigger a rash.
But in general, it’s pretty good. I know and accept I have really sensitive skin – physically and metaphorically – but that’s ok.
I feel the need, the need to read...
So today I have writing about motherhood, but it has turned into a monster post about young adults and emotions - and instead of editing I have been adding to it over the last few hours. So it's not ready for your eyes yet...When my brain feels full like this, I have to step away and do something else. Music doesn't help because I start listening too intently and ideas start filtering through.
I have always found reading to be really pleasurable and soothing.
Anyway I keep a collection of stories by Oscar Wilde by my bed. I've been reading some of his short stories this afternoon, to take my head away from parenting!!So I thought, why not share a passage from one of my favourite Oscar Wilde short stories, "The Nightingale and the Rose"? If you haven't read it, please do, it won't take long, and I think it is gorgeous. Here's a passage to whet your appetite.. 'Why is he weeping?' asked a little Green Lizard, as he ran past him with his tail in the air. 'Why, indeed?' said a Butterfly, who was fluttering about after a sunbeam. 'Why, indeed?' whispered a Daisy to his neighbour, in a soft, low voice. 'He is weeping for a red rose,' said the Nightingale. 'For a red rose!' they cried; 'how very ridiculous!' and the little Lizard, who was something of a cynic, laughed outright. But the Nightingale understood the secret of the Student's sorrow, and she sat silent in the oak-tree, and thought about the mystery of Love. Suddenly she spread her brown wings for flight, and soared into the air. She passed through the grove like a shadow, and like a shadow she sailed across the garden. In the centre of the grass-plot was standing a beautiful Rose-tree, and when she saw it, she flew over to it, and lit upon a spray. 'Give me a red rose,' she cried, 'and I will sing you my sweetest song.' But the Tree shook its head. 'My roses are white,' it answered, 'as white as the foam of the sea, and whiter than the snow upon the mountain. But go to my brother who grows round the old sun-dial, and perhaps he will give you what you want.' So the Nightingale flew over to the Rose-tree that was growing round the old sundial. 'Give me a red rose,' she cried, 'and I will sing you my sweetest song.' But the Tree shook its head. 'My roses are yellow,' it answered; 'as yellow as the hair of the mermaiden who sits upon an amber throne, and yellower than the daffodil that blooms in the meadow before the mower comes with his scythe. But go to my brother who grows beneath the Student's window, and perhaps he will give you what you want.' So the Nightingale flew over to the Rose-tree that was growing beneath the Student's window. 'Give me a red rose,' she cried, 'and I will sing you my sweetest song.' But the Tree shook its head. 'My roses are red,' it answered, 'as red as the feet of the dove, and redder than the great fans of coral that wave and wave in the ocean-cavern. But the winter has chilled my veins, and the frost has nipped my buds, and the storm has broken my branches, and I shall have no roses at all this year.' 'One red rose is all I want,' cried the Nightingale, 'only one red rose! Is there no way by which I can get it?' 'There is a way,' answered the Tree; 'but it is so terrible that I dare not tell it to you.' 'Tell it to me,' said the Nightingale, 'I am not afraid.'....I am tempted to keep typing it out...but if you're a romantic like me, you'll dig the story out...Off to get ready for a night out now - the second this week - party Parry is back! And so you know, I'll be posting on motherhood type issues this weekend. Hope you're having a lovely day x
Random thoughts from a London Fashion Week (LFW) event
So here I am - getting back into my blogging routine. The last few weeks have been a little erratic, but life has been pretty full – just the way I like it!
Whilst I can’t quite believe I am sitting down to write about an event I went to a week and a half ago, I am quite glad that I have had to wait to collect my thoughts. Otherwise you may have just read a mildly prosecco-fuelled account of how I enjoyed looking at pretty things.
So here are some random thoughts:
The first thing that springs to mind is whenever I go to anything creative – a fashion event, a museum exhibition or an art gallery – I tell myself I should go more often. London, like so many locations is brimming with talent and creativity.
I knew the LFW event was going to be slick – stylish people milling around a chic backdrop. There were talks and a catwalk show highlighting the season’s trends. The trends show we watched showcased pieces from VeryExclusive.com. Here are some of my faves, all available on their website:
But the best bit for me was wandering around the pop up shops chatting to the designers. Their passion for their vision was something I loved and just highlighted to me how much music and fashion are aligned - in fact there are parallels in any art form, although sometimes I don’t see them, when the art form is visual. But by chatting to some of the designers I realised how similar our creative processes can be.
Among the designers I chatted to, was the lovely Helene Berman. I was so taken by her designs; I ended up with one of her beautiful faux fur coat – although at one point I was holding onto three of her coats!!
(Helene Berman and me, I'm wearing my new coat...)
One thing I struggle to get my head around though is catwalk modelling – I find it a little confusing.
All the models looked lovely and extremely professional and without doubt there is huge skill involved in being a chameleon, showcasing many different styles of clothes. And having recently done a video shoot, working the camera is very “hit and miss” for me – these girls have "know how" I do not possess.
But, they were all so serious and sombre. And however attractive they were, their looks and walks were pretty identical. I suppose this is the point?
Also, without exception, they were all very slim and very tall. Height is something I am quite envious of – as I will never be tall, not without the help of my stilettos which let’s be honest only bring me up to the national average. And whilst some were really very slim, I’m not going to get into the size debate here…maybe a post for another day…The other thing that occurred to me was blatantly obvious - sharing experiences with great company. I went to the event with a friend whom I have known for about 16 years. Our sons share the same birthday. I am learning to never undervalue time with good friends – chatting, listening, and supporting each other and lots of laughter. Sometimes I get so focussed with work and my kids that I forget how good company is great for my soul.
(My mate, Rachel and me - a pre-catwalk selfie)
So in conclusion, it was a really lovely event to go to and I hope to do these types of events more often…and I’ll try not to be so tardy with the posting next time!!
So what does success mean to you?
Does it equate to your dream job, the size of your bank balance, a perfect relationship, what schools and colleges your children go to, or being truly happy and having peace of mind?
For me, the meaning of success has changed dramatically over the years.
I was brought up in a very traditional Indian family and one of the stereotypes was that success was defined by academic achievement and status – where you went to school, what job you had, where you lived, even what car you drove.Although I knew from a very early age that I wanted to write, sing and perform, that desire was suppressed by my family’s wishes for me to pursue something that was perceived to have greater kudos than writing songs in my journal and performing in bands.
So, for a long while I followed the “expected” path – I worked to get into the best schools, got loads of qualifications, jobs in journalism and publishing - and whilst I definitely threw myself into everything I did – there was always a slight latent dissatisfaction.
Don’t get me wrong. I did enjoy what I was achieving and of course making good money gives us choices and lovely materialistic things.
Don’t worry; I am not going to regurgitate my whole life here. But over time I realised that whilst a lot of people like to tick off achievements, it didn’t really fuel my fire and in some ways felt hollow.
Of course, I set goals and want to do my best but there has to be an element of intangible fulfilment. Something, and this is not meant to sound pretentious, that makes my soul sing.
For many years, I felt unsuccessful professionally because I wasn’t climbing a career ladder and ticking boxes. But during that time, in my twenties, I gave birth twice and nurtured two gorgeous babies who have turned into two rather impressive young adults. I know many people do this, but for me, being a mother is a huge personal success, as I have never thought of myself as “mother material”.
My other success is – my music – I guess you knew that was coming. Lots of people thought I was idiotic to pick up my singing career when my children were babies. But I had no choice - it was a compulsion.
Even though it is still not the most straightforward of paths - the rewards of creating and performing music are limitless, to me.
So I guess if you asked what success means to me now, I would say, doing what I love, overcoming obstacles and living each moment to its fullest.
I also place very high regard on emotional success and by this I mean treating people well, with kindness and compassion. Loving the people I care about to the best of my ability. I don't always get it right and am a bitch sometimes, but that’s because I am human and flawed…I leave you with this Maya Angelou quote, which could have been the whole post really, but I feel you know by now how I love to ramble…“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do and how you do it“.
Pretty succinct - so what does success mean to you?
Shoes: Pleasure and Pain at the V&A
I have made no secret of my love for shoes. In fact, I can be rather cagey about how many pairs I own, only because I have never dared count them all. I’m not challenging Imelda Marcos or anything, whom I learned yesterday had 1060 pairs of shoes - but I would say my collection for a lowly fashion devotee is pretty impressive.
Anyway, given my affinity for footwear it didn’t take much to convince me to visit the V&A’s exhibition – Shoes: “Pleasure and Pain” and catch up with a friend I met on a Shoe Design Course I did at the London College of Fashion a few years ago.
The exhibition looks at the extremes of footwear from around the world. About 200 pairs of shoes are displayed ranging from an ancient Egyptian sandal decorated in pure gold leaf to the most coveted modern day designs by Christian Louboutin, Sophie Webster and Jimmy Choo to name a few. The exhibition also covers the cultural significance of shoes and looks at the latest developments in footwear technology.
There is a section that looks at shoe production - from mass manufacture to bespoke - and also a 12 minute documentary featuring five designers including Christian Louboutin and Manolo Blahnik, who is hysterically funny when “poo-pooing” the use of computers and mood boards in the design process - well worth a watch – entertaining and illuminating.
In addition to displays on the different processes behind making shoes, there is an upstairs section dedicated to people who collect shoes. Three shoe collectors were invited to select ten pairs of shoes that they thought best illustrated their characters. I loved this section and found it fascinating as I really feel any style choice we make reflects our personalities or a facet of it at least.
I’m not quite sure which ten pairs of my shoe collection I would choose if asked…I am not known for sensible or practical footwear ever…in fact some of my friends think it’s odd that I don’t own a pair of wellingtons – but why would I?Anyway, if you have a free hour or so to peruse some beautiful and unusual things and get a little insight into the creation and manufacturing process of shoes, head off to the V&A. Quite frankly the V&A continues to be a lovely place to while away the hours – so much to see and soak up.
I leave with you a quote which you will see as you enter the exhibition - but if you don’t get there – here it is anyway – “To wear dreams on one's feet is to begin to give a reality to one's dreams.’ – Roger Vivier.
Vocal care
I wanted to put a few things down about vocal care - whether you are a singer like me, or use your voice a lot in your work.
Over the years I have not always looked after myself or my voice as well as I could or should.
I have found when I am singing for a lot of hours - to get the most out of it - I have benefited by putting a few simple things in place.
I want to stress I am not a teacher. And though I have been asked to teach I have decided not to yet. Not because I have delusions of grandeur but I really feel I have a lot to learn still. I do however love giving advice!
So here are some of the things I do everyday:
Stretches – like many people I carry a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders and since getting into the habit of stretching my neck before singing I have found my throat is much freer and more open when I do.
Steaming – this is something my lovely vocal coach Jenny May told me to do – it’s the only way to get moisture directly onto your vocal chords and though this might sound gross – it kind of opens and clears everything out.
Warming up – I know this is obvious but nevertheless important. Throughout my singing career I have noticed that on any given day I can sing the same things but my voice may behave slightly differently. So working on different exercises before I sing is not only great for waking up my muscles, it also gives me a good indication of what my voice is capable of in terms of range, intensity and power.
Cooling down – I have discovered this is actually more important than warming up. Cooling down with the right exercises like scales on fricative sounds (e.g.: veee/zeee) allows your larynx to settle back down where it naturally sits.
Hydration - I drink water like it's going out of fashion, I don't think this is a singer thing - I really feel it is one of the elixirs of life and vocal care!
A quick word about things that are bad for our voices. Smoking, alcohol and coffee are probably the main offenders. I know some people would add dairy to that list although it doesn’t seem to affect my voice.
I am not terribly good at steering clear of “bad things” (!), but I have found the most important thing is to know how your voice works and what it likes and doesn’t like. So, for me a glass of red wine can be a relaxant, a bottle – not so much!
I would love to know what your daily practices are if you use for voice a lot or you are a singer like me - I look forward to hearing from you :)
The nerves curve
the nerves curve
I always get nervous, before a recording, performance and even before I meet new people sometimes.
You see I am quite shy. I suspect a few people are rolling their eyes and I have one particular mate (who lives in Sydney) who is probably spluttering on his red wine if he is reading this! But I am and I have recognized growing up that being shy is not conducive to my chosen path, so I have trained myself not to be…However, nervousness is a different ball game. It seems to be more elusive. And though I have tried, I can’t eradicate my nerves.
But I have noticed over the years that my brain follows a pattern - what I call my nerves curve. And I’d be really interested to know if this is the same for everyone.
So, the phases of my nerves curve – firstly huge excitement about performing - there is nothing I would rather do.
This is closely followed by severe over thinking, learning and relearning till everything becomes like second nature. I was recently told to chill - in this phase there is no chilling...Then at the peak of the nerves curve – I forget everything. I always have a moment when everything vanishes from my brain - lyrics, melody, phrasing, and interpretation.
Then I panic and wonder why I have put all this work in. I practise a little harder and nothing works. So, I have to leave all alone. When I revisit it, everything is back.
After this, any nerves fall away very quickly and the focus becomes about being as authentic as I can be and communicating what I want to say. Anticipation takes over and I can’t wait to do what it is I have been working towards.
Then just before I go on stage I forget everything again and sometimes even shake. I don’t feel nervous but it is like a delayed reaction - as though my body has caught up with my brain.
I have had to learn to trust myself because when I open my mouth the right melody and lyrics seem to fall out…well, most of the time!
My earliest recollection of this pattern was when I was 11. We were performing a musical called “Once upon a mattress” – based on “The Princess and the Pea” at school.
I was the court Minstrel who narrated and sang throughout the play. Whilst preparing for the role, I went through all the phases I’ve described.
The tricky bit was the beginning of the play. It started with me on the stage alone singing, without accompaniment for about 16 bars.
I remember standing on the school stage looking out and seeing everyone waiting, about 1000 people in total…and I think my mother had her head in her hands (!)
I waited longer than planned but once I opened my mouth, my legs stopped shaking and pure enjoyment took over.
I have always assumed this cycle is particular to me. And I suppose nervousness can affect us in many different situations…. what about you? When do you feel nervous and how do you overcome it?
Detox, denial and discipline
About ten years ago I started detoxing, once a year for ten days. Based completely around eating whole, fresh foods, I guess it was eating extremely cleanly without the label.
Detoxes tend to suit my personality - I associate it with resetting my body. And in particular controlling my “sugar switch”, which is really highly charged. Sugar is without doubt my downfall.
I have never been a fan of a diet, which in my mind is linked to weight loss, or denying myself something. In fact, if I tell myself I can’t or shouldn’t have “whatever”, that’s all I want.
Over the last few years however, I have fallen out of the detox habit. Life has been increasingly busy and I felt my training and daily nutrition were pretty good so I didn’t feel the need to do a formal detox.
This year though, some kind of health and fitness shake up was on my mind. And in the general busyness of life, eating cake and going out for drinks was becoming more of a regular occurrence rather than an occasional pleasure.
However, after my summer holiday, I made up my mind. Drinking nearly every night – which I find quite brutal these days - coupled with a video shoot coming up in the next few weeks my mind-set just flipped. I don’t know what you’re like, but once I make my mind up – I’m pretty focused and generally don’t deviate from my goals.
So, what am I actually doing? A ten-day detox. I started my regular “eating clean” regime – no sugar, caffeine, alcohol or starchy carbs. All was going well, and then on day 3 I decided to turbo charge the whole experience - I have no idea why - and bought David Kirsch’s 48 Hour Super Charged Cleanse.
This has been around for a while but I have never tried it. It is 48 hours of a liquid cleanse, no food whatsoever. I found that doing the cleanse with vitamin supplements and herbal teas my energy levels didn’t really dip at all. The only change I noticed was I didn’t sleep particular well, but I don’t know if that is coincidental.
I must say though, the hardest part for me was missing actually eating food – as I really enjoy eating!
Anyway, so far I have lost 1.7kg in 5 days. But for me, this is not principally about weight loss. It’s more about feeling good about myself and confident especially if I am going to be in front of a camera. I am great believer in feeling positive on the inside and projecting that outwards. And maybe there is a little vanity in there too…I also feel lighter, leaner, more energised and cleaner and my stomach, which is definitely my Achilles heel, like many mothers, is currently completely flat!
I am going to do my best to keep on this healthy track for a while after my detox is officially over, especially as I don’t have a firm shoot day for my video yet.
And whilst I would quite like a cupcake I’m going to hold out for as long as I can. A little self-imposed discipline won’t do me any harm!
Is it wrong to look back for inspiration? And where do you find it?
On Sunday I wrote that sometimes looking back can be very beneficial. I know for me I have learnt my biggest lessons by looking back at past events and processing them. Not dwelling is the key, though this is easier said than done sometimes...I find the past often holds many keys for inspiration too. The same memory can evoke a multitude of creative seeds that turn into, well for me, lyrics. For instance, the lyrics I wrote just after my father passed away 11 years ago were really dark and tortured, my sorrow literally spilled out onto the page, and now I find it quite hard to read those words back.
As time moved forwards as it does relentlessly, my emotions weren’t so raw and my focus changed and recently I wrote some lyrics with my dad in mind that were positive and hopeful.Words have always had a hold on me – especially poetry and lyrics more so than prose. I have always liked the imagery that that poems and songs create in my head. Songs particularly made me feel things in an extremely visceral way.Poetry and lyrics have also enabled me to say things, express things that I don’t know I would have been able to otherwise.
I suppose that’s why I was keen to delve into my history and past musical loves for my most recent project. My covers album, which is in the final stages and I will be sharing with you shortly is a piece of my past and picking the songs was like rifling through an old treasure chest. The songs I have chosen are particularly evocative and have been waiting for a while in my head as a potent source of expression and inspiration.
Of course, the melodies and the lyrics are set in stone, a snapshot of time - 1978-1988. But I ‘m hoping that though the start of my inspiration was in past, it has been blended with new inspirations and creativity from me, my wonderful band and producers.
My goal is, we have created something that gives a respectful nod to the past mixed with a lot of contemporary and original references…so fingers crossed!
A quick word about inspiration in general…for me it’s everywhere. I am one of those annoying people - constantly writing stuff down – key words/phrases/singing melody lines into my phone. And maybe surprisingly as it is hard to get me to be quiet (!) silence triggers a lot of inspiration for me. Oh, and the shower. Once I got out of the shower five times to write different sections of a song.
Without doubt though, I find inspiration more easily when I’m not looking for it. When I have to write a song or some lyrics or a post and I’m under time pressure – my brain short circuits!
So, I would love to know where you find inspiration, do you step back in time or are you a leave the past in the past kind of person?
Sometimes it’s good to look back
Often we think it's negative or detrimental to look back. The past should stay in the past. I used to feel this quite strongly and then I found this quote and it really resonated with me:
The only time you should ever look back is to see how far you’ve come
I love the positive spin. It dawned on me that I don’t have to shut my past away under lock and key; I may not want to revisit particular instances, but there are merits to remembering the good and the bad.
There are certainly things I have done over the years I am not proud of - poor decision-making, lack of discernment and disregarding all consequences. But heaven knows I have learned from them, though sometimes it took a while to get there!There are also memories so euphoric and vivid that I can’t help but break into a huge smile; and for me when I feel joy, I feel invincible so it is good to bank those happy recollections.
But most importantly are the times when I need a reality check. The negative voice in my head is small, but it can roar and looking back to see where I was and where I am now is actually really uplifting.
I guess everything and everyone leading up to this point has shaped me in some way, therefore has value.
Choice and acceptance are the things I try to take away from my past and I suppose the areas of my life that are most affected are my kids and my music.
I know the mother thing is obvious. But I kinda fell into motherhood - an earth mother I am not. I won’t bore you with the last nearly twenty years, but suffice it to say it has been a helluva ride to date. And when I am feeling dragged down by the day to day minutiae, thousands of memories come flooding back and I remind myself that my children are 18 and nearly 17 and I have managed NOT to kill them yet. I don’t mean to be flippant but you get the sentiment….It is really good to look back on my musical career to date too. It has been so unconventional and haphazard but it's working and I'm having a ball. And every time I have had a flicker of doubt, an opportunity has presented itself and propelled me forwards - and this makes me smile.
But my dark moments - the heartbreaks, betrayals and losses are the ones I like squaring up to the most - maybe this is the difficult artist in me but I do believe the darker side of life sharpens my focus and resolve to live my life as I choose to ... so long as I don’t wallow (!)I do know that the times I have felt most desperate and thought I couldn’t carry on, I have rolled my sleeves up and carried on and looking back I realise those were the times I have learned the most about myself.
I’m not entirely sure why this has all come out today – maybe I’m feeling nostalgic or reflective as I start rehearsing my new material this week based on past musical loves. Or maybe whilst I have both feet very firmly in the present, with half an eye on the future, I felt it was a good time to take stock.
How I survive holiday hair
Ahhh. So here I finally am with this post, I had intended to write this on my recent holiday to Portugal - but we all know how holidays go…Hair, and how to look after it is something I am quite vociferous about. I am a fan of organic, natural shampoos and conditioners and minimal washing and “producting” - but on a hot summer holiday normal rules do not apply.
Whenever I ‘m somewhere hot, my hair just behaves differently; it gets bigger, fluffier and frizzier, even the natural wave doesn’t do its usual thing but I have learned to go with it.
So this is how I survive holiday hair:1. The biggest difference on holiday is I wash my hair everyday. I would NEVER do this in real life. I am very much a once a week washer (of hair!) maybe twice if there was a special occasion to go to. But I find with the heat, sunscreen, sweat and swimming I just want my hair to feel clean and fresh at the end of every day.
My favourite holiday shampoo and conditioner combo are John Masters Evening Primrose Shampoo and their Citrus and Neroli Detangler. These are gorgeous organic products that clean my hair without stripping it of any natural oils. 2. As I said I am not a fan of mousses and sprays. I am however a fan of moisturising, conditioning and oils. So when my hair is damp I mix together a little blob of leave-in conditioner and a hair oil of some kind.
My current favs are: Intelligent Nutrients Leave In conditioner and Nuxe Huile Prodigieuse Or Dry Oil Golden Shimmer. Actually, I use these whatever the temperature. They do enough, without making my hair feel like there is “stuff” in it. 3. As far as drying goes I like to let my hair dry naturally – but if I don’t want to go out looking like my hair is completely wet (as it takes a long time to dry naturally) I will blast it under the hairdryer for a few minutes - five tops.
Then just give it a brush to get rid of any knots. Hands down the best tip for hair I have learned, especially if you have layers like me, is twist your hair into a bun and clip it.
By the time I get ready and I let my hair down and the layers and waves do their own thing. Certainly not polished a look but I’m on holiday - different rules apply.4. Maybe unsurprisingly, I am not a fan of hairsprays either but I have recently discovered Oribe products - very expensive, but very luxurious. This holiday I tried the Oribe Après Beach Wave and Shine Spray. My lord, it does what it says on the container. Just before I go out I spray a little over my hair, it is really light so your hair doesn’t feel sticky or heavy, then I give my head a good shake and hopefully my hair looks tousled and shiny. My other big tip for hair after a holiday would be when I get home the first full day I am back I will spend a day with my hair doused in oil. Being Indian, I have been brought up with coconut oil. I know it is very en vogue at the moment, but I have been putting coconut oil in my hair since I was about 6 - but I’m pretty sure any oil would do though.
Regardless of holidays, I do the oil in hair thing once a month and I’m sure my hair appreciates it. If there were one thing I would love my daughter to do with her gorgeous head of hair, it would be this!
Anyway, apologies to my male mates for this girly post - but looking after hair is a very serious matter in my book! If you have any tips that work for you, I'd love to hear them.
An exciting musical announcement...
I'm very excited to announce that I have a brand new musical project on the way!
I've been recording an album of covers of songs ranging from 1978-88 with a wonderful band of exceptionally talented musicians. I can't wait to share it with you.
Check out my vlog for more info...