Is it time I gave up drinking alcohol?

There appears to no correlation these days to how much I drink and how I feel the next day. I can go out with friends and have a glass and a half of wine, get a good night’s sleep and wake up in the morning with a pounding headache.

Similarly, I can be out drinking all night and wake up feeling as fresh as a daisy. Dehydrated of course, but that’s the worst of it. There really is no rhyme or reason to this.

I have been thinking it’s an age thing, or a woman/hormonal (!) thing, but many of my male friends are the same, so that's not it!

Hangovers are a constant mystery to me. And I think we can all agree are evil. So, I’m always looking for a formula to beat them…but just as I think I have worked out the “sensible” amount of alcohol to escape a throbbing head, a dreadful night’s sleep and feeling slightly nauseous – the way my body reacts changes!

Similarly, hangover cures seem to vary – fail-safes that used to perk me up like Diet Coke have increasingly become ineffectual. To be honest the only three things that really work for me these days are water, green tea and spicy food (!)I am, I suppose, what experts would call a classic “social binge drinker”, where binging is anything more than two drinks. I don’t drink at home, unless we have people over. I don’t drink on my own. So, in my head socialising involves drinking to some degree. But as I said NOT a fan of the hangover, so periodically I think about becoming teetotal.

Increasingly a lot of people I know just don’t drink. They go out and have plenty of fun, without alcohol. These friends fascinate me. It seems they are able to exercise a level of self-restraint that I don’t seem to possess.

Not drinking clearly has a lot of pluses – no hangovers, good for my health, saves money, guaranteed good sleep. The problem is… I like a drink here or there.

So I thought about this possible “willpower” issue, but when I was a teenager I used smoke, a lot. Then before I had my kids I decided to give up, to “cleanse” my body of smoky toxins before I fell pregnant. So one day, I went cold turkey and gave up. It was relatively straightforward.

So I guess for me, mind-set comes into play. I believe we all have the power to do whatever we want to do. So, whilst I like the theory, in practise I don’t think I really want to give up. So, maybe limits would be better – for someone who has no concept of “middle ground” this is going to be interesting experiment.

Especially as on Thursday I’m off on holiday with my family. Maybe I will try to exercise a little self control in the first instance and have a few soft drink evenings...hmmm, I'll keep you posted…any tips?   

The Anti Oedipus complex

Do you ever feel like everything you say and do is wrong? That you’ve gone from being so aligned with someone to becoming a bit of an annoyance or an unnecessary irritation?

Over the last six to nine months, this is how my interactions with my son have felt; hence the tongue in cheek title of this post.

Don’t know get me wrong - he’s still wonderful and I love him madly. We do get on - but when we don’t, it feels like a really big deal, and things take much longer to resolve.

People used to make fun of me when he was young, because we were so close; in fact, a lot of friends used to tell me that I loved him too much.

Now I know I have written a few posts about teenage development, and this detachment from me is right and proper - he will be 17 in September after all. But when we have altercations, it is so much harder to bear than a similar situation with my daughter – now WHY is that?

Before you say anything – I love them both the same – obviously in different ways as they are different people and sometimes I get on better with one of than the other – but the amount of love is the same and boundless.

I think the point might be this - with my daughter I understood her development into adulthood implicitly, even though at times there were (and will be) difficult conversations and adjustments, I knew where she was coming from and what her motivations were. I could relate, as I went through very similar things.

My son however, has always been this pool of mystery and wonderment. I know so much about him, but I don’t know instinctively know how his brain works.

Every developmental change has felt so drastic though I know they are all normal - from going from a scrawny 10 year old to a muscular 16 year old, growing 9 inches in less than 6 months and being able to grow a proper beard.

Hand in hand with the physical changes there are the emotional ones too – which I guess I am experiencing the full force of now - he’s not always as talkative to me, he’s more private, he doesn’t want to cuddle me 24/7. It is true, other mothers told me this day would come, but I didn’t believe them…I recall that book from the 90s, “ Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus”. He is turning into a man, so his mother flinging herself onto him for a hug, is not met with enthusiasm!

I do know “my baby” is still in there - the sure fire of getting a cuddle is if I look sad or start to cry. And if you were wondering why on earth there is a picture of a marzipan chocolate bar on this post, he bought me one as a surprise.

Maybe I am just trying to hold onto him being a child a little while longer, whilst he is ready to step into adulthood.

I have always felt that a boy’s development into manhood is a little mismatched. There are boys who shave at 12 and look like men at 14 but emotionally still act like a 10 year old. Maybe for my son his brain and body are in tune…it’s just my brain that needs to catch up. 

When musical tastes differ…

Lately, I’ve been thinking about differing tastes in music. On the face of it, this isn’t a contentious subject. Music is very personal and subjective.

But I have come up against two areas of resistance that have me wonder…are some us a little tunnel-visioned when it comes to musical likes and dislikes?

I like to think I am pretty open minded, certainly when is comes to most music. To me, music is classical, jazz, rap, pop, rock, and opera, to name a few.

I guess part of it may be we often immerse ourselves in one sort of music early on or maybe the bands associated with a formative decade in our lives and we stick with that, because that’s what we know.

But I find it really confusing when someone says they don’t like a particular kind of music without really listening to it. After all you don’t really know if you like something unless you try it …So back to the areas of resistance I have experienced recently. I don’t really like to make sweeping generalizations but a number of friends who are mothers HATE rap.The capitals here are warranted - they literally won’t listen to it and if I talk about it they won’t tolerate the conversation! It’s the funniest thing!

I wonder if it’s the image associated with rap, rather than the actual music, or maybe it’s a bit of both? I love rap and am transfixed when I hear a great rapper, wishing secretly that I could do it… although I’ve never tried, so maybe…anyway, certain “mother” mates won’t be swayed.

The other people resistant to listening to different music are perhaps predictably my kids.

Last week, I unusually had both my kids in the car; I think we were all off to the dentist or something. Anyway, we drove off and I switched on my music.

Before we were ten seconds into the intro I was bombarded with a chorus of “No way! We’re not listening to that! Your music is rubbish!”

Firstly, let me reassure you that my playlists are not rubbish (!) and maybe using my kids as an example is not great here, because in my experience children go from loving every song you play them to dismissing everything you listen to.

Anyway let’s keep going with the example.

When pushed they couldn’t tell me why they didn’t like what was playing, so after a bit of “to-ing” and “fro-ing” I decided to give in and turned the radio on - and well, I can’t bring myself to say the name of the “band” that came on.

But let’s just say if I hadn’t such given a long impassioned speech about being broad minded about different musical styles, the radio would have been turned off before this particular girl band started “singing”.

Now, you may be thinking, “Aha!’ I do exactly what I am accusing others of doing. My get out clause here is I have heard quite a lot of …“manufactured pop” and my point is that some people don’t give certain genres a try at all.

Personally, I feel it is far too easy to listen to the music we already like, without exploring and giving other untapped genres a chance …there is a lot of good music out there. So, what about you? Are you adventurous with your music or do you stick to what you know? PS: And as far as my kids are concerned, if they could just get over listening to the same things as their mother, they might actually like some of things on my playlists…    

Teenage travels - one mother's perspective

Something really weird has happened this weekend. I am really calm.

After dropping my daughter and her mate at the airport for three weeks of interrailing around Europe, I have been waiting for me to spiral into worries and “what ifs” and possible hyperventilation. Close friends and family have been expecting this too.

But I seem to be in an oasis of serenity, which I am enjoying but is really out of character and a little unnerving.

A year ago the thought of my daughter backpacking around Europe filled me with dread. It didn’t matter that “this is what everyone does when they finish school” as she told me. I never did…I was secretly wondering if I could curtail this expedition and I must admit when my daughter contracted Glandular Fever in May, I did fleetingly wonder if this was the “buy out” clause.

But the reality is that whilst she may not have had the wherewithal a year ago. This last year of school has prepared her for greater independence and thinking on her feet. I suppose a lot can happen in a child’s development in a year - and whilst the skills teenagers acquire are more subtle than the ones they learn in the toddler years, they are just as vital. And from what I have seen this past academic year, now I feel she can really look after herself.

Of course, I am not saying the irrational feelings have disappeared, and I can’t help but worry about safety, but I do believe if I allow myself to go down that road, I would never let my kids’ do anything and that would be a shame.

I think this is how I feel now. I want my kids to explore, experiment and grab life with both hands. And it is right and proper that I should not be there to second-guess and catch them if they fall - not now. But if they need me, I will kick into action, in a heartbeat.

I am, of course, missing my daughter like crazy - I won’t see her for three weeks and this is the longest we have been apart. I also know it is only day 3 so I have a way to go!

But I am getting a few texts. I trying not to bombard her with communication, but if she gets in touch I am quick to respond. And I know as the trip progresses that the texts will be less frequent – but this is my issue, not hers.

This is another rite of passage and something wonderful for her to experience. So, as I dropped the girls at the airport on Friday and I hugged them goodbye I said, “Have fun, be safe and try not to end up in hospital or jail.” Pretty sound advice from me, I feel...Maybe I have finally switched my hysteria for realism…and maybe I have finally grown up…she certainly has…  

Are arguments ever a good thing?

Today I was just going to have a good ole fashioned moan about my daughter and the argument we had yesterday - a case study in the life of parenting a teenager perhaps.

To be honest it was the “mother” of all arguments and I can’t remember the last time we actually had a fight like that, which is a really good thing. What is sad, is I couldn’t exactly tell you how it started - and isn’t that often the case with arguments?

I think it was one of those situations which started off as a bit of a joke, quickly spiraling into us both having massive sense of humour failures. So much so, that the aftermath lasted over 3 hours in which time we barely spoke to each other, and when we did, we made the situation much worse for a while before it improved. The good news is we persevered and made up in the end.

So many things went through my mind, in the “not talking to each other phase”. I was cross and upset but hate arguing with anyone, especially my kids.

I was so incensed because I felt my daughter had been mean and disrespectful…but it took me a while to realise I had actually said some things I shouldn’t have and didn’t behave it the loveliest way at all.

I kept flipping between wanting to stay angry and hurt, to feeling compelled to “fix” the situation as my daughter is off interrailing at the end of the week. And when she goes, I will really miss her.

So, I refer back to the title of this post…are arguments ever a good thing? Funnily enough, I did feel some positives came out of the whole situation and often do.

Firstly, when we had both calmed down and were ready to talk – we both apologized for hurting each other’s feelings. For two quite highly strung, stubborn women – this was a positive thing.

Secondly, whilst we apologised, we both stood our ground on what we believed we hadn’t done wrong and the beauty of older children is they won’t actually let you get away with anything.

Long gone are the days when I used to halt a disagreement with “because Mummy said so”…wow, I was lazy parent at times, when my kids were little. And actually, I don’t mind being held to account, if I am wrong and God knows I am not perfect.

Similarly the days of me cosseting my kids by sparing their feelings and not saying what I really feel are over. Right now I can be more honest and open with my kids than I have ever been before.

And finally, the best bit, whatever the age of your children is the hugs. They may not be as free flowing as when they were toddlers, but when they hug you, they really mean it, and it still is the BEST feeling in the world.

So on balance I’d rather not argue with anyone - especially my kids. But if it means we understand each other a little better, things are clearer and we are more thoughtful and empathetic towards each other - well, that must be a good thing, don’t you think?

What I would tell my teenager self about – sport and exercise

I have been thinking a lot lately about what kind of person I was when I was younger – character traits that have changed beyond recognition, things about me that have been constant throughout my life and this has got me thinking about what I would say to myself, if I met “teenager me” in a parallel universe.

Me being me, I would want to say quite a lot about several things, so much so “teenage me” would be bored stiff! But the subject that leapt into my head was sport and exercise. I would say, “Don’t skip sports lessons or pretend you’re ill so you don’t have to join in.

”When I was teenager I didn’t really engage in any sort of sporting activity. I was in fact “Queen of bunking off games”. I am quite ashamed of that now. I guess I could blame my upbringing, sport was not prevalent, but I think it is far too easy to do that and I am not a fan of the blame game. I was quite wayward and mischievous – but is that really an excuse either?

The reality is I wasn’t naturally very good at any sports, so I didn’t try, so over time I accumulated absolutely no ability for anything sporty whatsoever!

What is interesting is I look to my kids, who perhaps wouldn’t thank me for saying, but before the ages of 10/11 they weren’t great at sport – but they had a love for it and wanted to be active.

As soon as they hit their teens - well - their sporting lives became very important and found their running legs spectacularly. Both of them have run for their schools competitively and are incredible. Proud mother – right here – and I can’t pretend these genes have come from me!

Through my kids I have learned about the excitement, camaraderie and competitive spirit that comes from playing team sports and representing your school in a vital match.

I wish "teenage me" could see what they are like and felt how they feel. Training sessions are non negotiable for my son and my daughter clears her head by going for a run at the end of the day. I understand the merits of all this now – but it didn’t enter my head to do it when I was younger.

I train quite hard these days 5-6 days a week for 8 weeks then I have a rest week when I concentrate on yoga and flexibility. But I am very late to the party. I only really got into exercise in my 20s when I was pregnant and then trying to shift pregnancy weight. In fact, at the time we used to live in Sydney, I used to feed my daughter at about 6am and go for a run along a path near Sydney Harbour - I know don’t fall over in shock!

I think the reason I started thinking about this, is sometimes I find it so hard to motivate myself and I’m not sure it any of it comes naturally to me. And whilst I am very accepting of how I am and look, I wonder if I had started getting into exercise at a younger age if there would now be a difference to my strength, aerobic fitness, physique and health – undoubtedly yes.

So what do you think? And what are your experiences? I love to know…  

The importance of really listening

Last week I was wondering where I would go with my next music type post, as I always have a few ideas bubbling away, but a few things over the week have made it really obvious. So here we go - listening...

On the weekend I read a post by friend and guitarist, James Stelling. James has a blog, with a mate of his, called “Are You Guitared?” (http://areyouguitarded.com). Well worth a look if you play guitar and are interested in tips and useful info.Anyway, their latest post inspired me: (http://areyouguitarded.com/guitar/how-to-use-a-teacher/). It outlines how best to use your (guitar) teacher as a resource and make the most of your lessons - but the bit that made me sit up and pay attention was the section about active listening.

This really struck a chord with me, as earlier this week I met up with a mate to discuss a new project.

My listening varies a lot depending on what I am working on. And as James mentions in his post, I’m not talking about listening to music in the background, I mean giving what you are listening to your undivided attention.

Whenever I am working on a project I try to soak up as much as I can to help me on those particular songs that make up a set list or album or whatever.

Songs that will compliment what I am trying to achieve, and songs that are so juxtaposed to what I want to do. I try to cover as much material as possible – old/new/differing styles.

The other thing that occurred to me when I read James’ blog is that I when I do listen actively, I mainly listen as a singer. I do listen to grooves, bass lines, chord progressions but that is secondary to vocal delivery and intent. And whilst that is maybe obvious, it was an important note to myself - not to listen as a singer but as an instrumentalist.

In many instances over the years, I have played songs to musicians I am working with and ask them what they think. 98% of the time they will say they weren’t listening to the melody or the lyrics. I learned early on that this was not an insult to the singer on the track, just an indication of how they listen.

The interesting thing about the potential project I mentioned – the one I am being suitably vague about because it is in its embryonic phase - is that we are coming from completely different areas of expertise and experience. We want to create something that neither would think of doing as a solo artist.

So, having brainstormed like crazy for an afternoon we are now starting to bombard each other with as many musical references as possible to lead to a potential sound. Totally unstructured and unscripted but really exciting, and it has been a very long time since I have discovered so many new artists in such a short space of time.

Of course, I have to remind myself that I am not just listening for enjoyment’s sake, I am listening to pick out certain threads. But the joy of music is if I get lost in “just” listening, I can always hit rewind.

And what I am loving is there is so much great music out there to soak up that is new to me …so if you have any track or artist recommendations that you think I may not have heard but might like, please feel free to get in touch. Happy listening!     

Acupuncture with Sally Kean–Hammerson

For some time now I have wanted to write about my experiences with acupuncture and today is the day!Yesterday afternoon I had an incredible treatment with my acupuncturist Sally Kean–Hammerson (http://www.sallykean-hammerson.co.uk/) and I couldn’t put it off any longer.

I know I am on the “holisitic/spirititual” side of the spectrum and some people don’t adhere to alternative therapies; in fact that there are members of my family who will refer to anything alternative as “voodoo” (!!) But for me it works and I have seen results, so with that in mind I wanted to share.

I went to Sally because about 4 years ago I ended up being incredibly ill and bed ridden for about two weeks. I was admitted to hospital, had every test under the sun and saw a variety of consultants. The good news was that none of the tests showed anything untoward. The bad news was that I didn’t know what was wrong. I was weak, couldn’t eat, and couldn’t sleep due to incredible pain.

Whilst the cocktails of prescribed medication dulled the pain and in time I was back on my feet - it took about 6-8 weeks to regain full strength - I didn’t have a diagnosis. One by-product of being ill though was that my already sensitive stomach was even more so and I wanted to find a way to balance myself out.

As you can imagine there is a lot of information on Sally’s website and the internet but here’s an overview. Acupuncture is carried out by inserting fine needles into the skin at specific points in the body. These points are located along channels or meridians where our life energy, Qi, flows.

To be healthy our Qi must flow freely - if it becomes blocked, or deficient, we may start to feel unwell. Points are chosen for each individual person in order to maintain the smooth flow of Qi and the whole person is treated; body, mind and spirit, the main aim being to restore a person’s equilibrium.

Above all, when you first meet Sally you will see that she knows her stuff and is incredibly thorough. In addition to this she is thoughtful, caring and really wants to help.

I ramble, she listens, and then she inserts several needles everywhere - legs, arms, stomach, head and then I tune out for about 30/40 minutes. She doesn’t let me chat…which is incredibly hard for me. But yesterday I seemed to be able to meditate during the treatment, which was an added bonus.

Every time the treatment is over and I open my eyes, it is like someone has turned up the brightness in my head. Everything is sharper and more vivid. This is not my imagination – many people I know who have acupuncture say the same thing.

And the beauty of acupuncture for me is there is an instant effect married with a deeper, long lasting one.

I’m not saying go out and have acupuncture, you may not need it. But if like me you have minor health issues that need tweaking and balancing and you don’t want to pop pills or brush your ailments under the carpet in the hope they go away then acupuncture might be worth looking at.

Sally is the only acupuncturist I know and in my opinion she is excellent – so check her out.

Fashion, cocktails and canapés

The title of this post pretty much tells you that the event I went to last night was my kinda thing… I was at a Rachel Comey fashion evening hosted by Matchesfashion.com to preview the designer’s PreAW15 collection and Main AW15 collection.

I have been to a few fashion shows, but never something like this. Held at Matchesfashion.com’s Private Shopping and Events townhouse in Central London, the evening was relaxed and chilled with a friendly buzz in the air - the vibe I felt mirroring the designer’s ethos in many ways.

US designer, Rachel Comey attended the University of Vermont as an art major with a focus on sculpture. After college, Comey moved to New York; her first forays into fashion were as costume designer for bands in the growing downtown music scene.Inspired by this, Comey launched her first eponymous collection of menswear. Thanks to a great network and word of mouth, the collection proved a success, and she began to gain a loyal following. By 2004, Comey had introduced womenswear and footwear to her business.

Her collections are known for artful custom textiles and modern silhouettes. This was apparent in the pieces on show last night - tactile fabrics and lovely prints. The styles are unstated. Comey’s designs are contemporary and current - definitely pieces to wear now… All woven garments are made locally in midtown Manhattan while footwear and knitwear is made in Portugal, Spain, and Peru.

Something I loved when I was reading up on Rachel Comey, is that she is widely credited for being the first major American designer to break with longstanding tradition and present her collections in Brooklyn over an intimate dinner party.

The dinners provided an opportunity for Comey to show her collections in a more personal setting, and to create an atmosphere for conversation, unlike the typical runway shows...A quick word about Matchesfashion.com; having lived in southwest London for many years, The Wimbledon Matchesfashion.com store has been my local designer boutique for some time. What I love about the store is that they seem to have perfected a blend of local, warm and welcoming with luxurious high fashion.

This must largely be down to husband and wife owners Tom and Ruth Chapman. Ruth, whom I have met on a few occasions, including last night, is the sort of woman you can’t help but revere. Serene, warm, friendly and very approachable; her savvy and passion for her business are undeniable.

Last night was such fun and I have promised myself that when I get another fashion invitation, I am definitely going. And whilst on the face of it Rachel Comey’s pieces are not quite in keeping with my own personal style…there was a lovely yellow dress (see below!) that I may have to try on at some point….Rachel Comey’s collection can be found at www.matchesfashion.com

Jazz and me and the LPO

I find life very funny. A couple of weeks ago, I posted a piece about where I am with Jazz and the fact that my musical journey as taken me down a different route recently. I felt very happy with my account of things and appreciative of what I have done and where I am going.

Then last week at short notice I was asked to sing some Jazz tunes at a fundraising Gala for the London Philharmonic Orchestra (LPO).A couple of things about this evening, I was contacted for the gig by an old mate, Gwilym Simcock. If you are unfamiliar with Gwilym’s work you must check it out and be prepared to be astounded. He is a stellar pianist.

Early on in my professional career I met Gwilym and was lucky enough to record an album with him. Life takes people down different paths and we lost touch, so I was delighted to get the call.

A side bar here is that although I seem to run my life in a rather haphazard fashion I have been incredibly lucky to connect with truly superlative musicians - for the best part of a decade I have done countless gigs with the incredible pianist John Crawford and latterly worked with guitarist Francesco Lo Castro. Of course there have been other pianists, guitarists, bassists and drummers, too many to name check, but let’s just say I have been very spoilt to be surrounded by such talent and musicianship.

Anyway back to the LPO event, we met for rehearsal and sound check and it was then I remembered the other thing I love about Jazz. To me, more than any genre it is about a musical conversation between the musicians. No two verses or choruses are the exactly the same ever and in a few bars the intention and intensity can change completely from what was “planned”, more so than in pop or classical music, where, for me, a performance is more exact.

If you caught me on Instagram or Twitter on the way home from the gig, you will have cottoned on to the fact that I had a ball and not only am chomping at the bit to perform more Jazz now, alongside my other projects, but I realized how much I have missed performing, so this will also hopefully be rectified after the summer.

I wanted to mention the LPO too (http://www.lpo.org.uk/). Throughout my school life I was lucky enough to be involved in a lot of classical music concerts, in various choirs. Highlights were singing at St Paul’s Cathedral, and at the Royal Festival Hall with the Bach Choir and the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra.

The LPO, are a magnificent example of a group of people who are passionate and invested in everything they do. Musicians and staff alike reminded me of the best memories of my classical music life. And this is probably obvious but they sound wonderful.

I suppose life has reminded me again that I really do adore all genres of music and it is all out there to take part in. Music for me, really is the food of love…how about you?

What makes your world go around?

 “Money makes the world go around”, sang Liza Minnelli famously in Cabaret…and The Beatles sang, “All you need is love”.

I don’t think we can argue with either of these points. Money certainly makes life smoother and more comfortable in many ways; and love, well, when you experience it - it is a truly precious thing.

I am feeling a little introspective today – happy and appreciative, but chilled so I thought I tune my ramblings into that vibe.

Over the last few months, a number of things have happened prompting me to think about what is important to me – qualities that I hopefully have but I want to nurture in myself and things I don’t want to live without.

There have been periods of disappointment, negativity, anger, confusion and frustration - in fact there have been a few weeks where that was all I could see.

But life is funny; when I couldn’t summon up the insight to find a way forward or regain my generally positive attitude - life in its majestic, cyclical way replaced those instances with serenity, hope, positivity, joy and laughter.

Anyone that knows me, knows I am driven by my instinct and emotion. And the most pertinent thing that has been highlighted recently is that when I ignore my intuition - I come unstuck. So what makes life better for me? Here are six things I don’t want to live without:

1. KINDNESS – it struck me as I was writing this that whilst I have friends who come from many different walks of life and people that may not have a lot in common with each other – at their core they are all kind and friendly.

2. WARMTH – I’m a kinda fluffy character. I love making people feel welcome and loved and cared for and I definitely I gravitate towards people and situations that foster these feelings.

3. LOYALTY – this is a no brainer for me. We all go through life connecting with each other. Just so you know, if I have your back, I have your back…we might drift and not see each other for ages, but if you need me I’ll be there. We may even fall out, and if we do, rest assured your confidence will never be betrayed…and whilst I try not to expect anything, I have to admit I hope this is reciprocated.

4. GENEROSITY– OF HEART. My son is a great example of this. I guess it’s pretty straightforward when you like someone. But even when someone has hurt my son, or he doesn’t gel with someone, somehow he finds something positive or complimentary to say about that person.

5. PEOPLE - family, friends, colleagues and friends-to-be...whilst I know only too well that people can shock you and make you sad, I also know how a smile, a message and chat with someone you care about, like or revere can lift you up and make you feel on top of the world, or like anything is achievable.

6. MUSIC - maybe you expected this one? Music is like air for me, I would find it hard to survive without it.

As I read this back, this feels like a rambly post. But this blog is all about me - sharing my thoughts and experiences with you – mostly it’ll be about work or something that has happened in my life – but today I felt like having a chat!So I hope it wasn’t too indulgent, and I would love to know what makes your world go around? 

Fall fashion – the 80s are back…

It’s official - the 80s are back this Autumn/Winter, in terms of fashion anyway.It’s about now, as the summer sales start that the fashion industry, which seems to be so far ahead of itself, tempts us with new season collections.

Please remember throughout this post I am not a designer and do not have any expertise here. But I am an ardent consumer, so I have been googling and these are some of the key trends coming our way:

1. The 70s. I think this is a continuation from what we have now in Spring/Summer. And whilst I was a bit young to find my fashion feet in the 70s the first time round, I have been wearing my collars very proudly and channelling my inner Daisy Duke with my denim shorts and knotted shirts.

2. Luxe. I think this means lots of sequins and glitter and luxurious fabrics – I’m thinking embellishment and brocade. I am confirmed dress up girl, so this works for me.

3. The ladylike look – we have seen this trend over the last few years and most of us have a pencil skirt or two in our wardrobes, so I am guessing this will be a continuation of this trend.

4. Black Victoriana. This is where my fashion knowledge falls down. So please correct me if I am wrong. But I feel we have this every winter in some guise. I’m thinking lace, high necklines, and more leather - trendy Penny Dreadful maybe?

5. The wild; more furs (or faux fur in my case) and animal prints. I have a lovely fake fur jacket from Oasis, which is two years old, but this is as far as I go with this trend.

6. And… drum roll….the 80s. It seems that shoulder pads, polkas dots, ruffles and mini proms skirts are back. So here, I am fondly remembering Dallas, Dynasty, Madonna, Bucks Fizz and Bananarama. And if your tastes are a little more edgy, think Siouxsie and the Banshees.

So what is it about stepping back in time? Why is it appealing to the tastemakers? I’m just speculating, but I guess it is hard to completely reinvent fashion year on year.

I also think nostalgia plays a part. Memories are evocative things. Some people have dubbed the 80s as extremely uncool. Personally, I think some people spend too much time thinking about what’s cool and what’s not.

To me, the 80s were all about making a statement. Fashion was big and bold and colourful. Life was vibrant. You dressed up and expressed yourself through your clothes and people loved you for it. I definitely think there was less judgement, or maybe I was just young and didn’t notice or care!

I don’t know what the fashion designers have got in store for us. But I have no doubt that designers like Saint Laurent, Balmain and the very clever High Street brands will have distilled the essence of the 80s and added a few unexpected modern twists.

I personally am looking forward to seeing what turns up in our shops. How about you - are ready to embrace your inner New Romantic?

The gift of good teaching

So, on Friday I was rehearsing for my recording sessions later this month for my covers album. I managed to organise some studio time and some one to one teaching with Jenny May (expressivevoice.co.uk), my current vocal coach.

Jenny to me is an example of an incredible teacher. And I have been lucky enough to have a few. Having sung professionally for many years, I thought I had a pretty good handle on my voice and what I could do, and then I had a lesson with Jenny.

Her knowledge is incredibly extensive. After assessing where you are vocally, Jenny gets you to hit notes and achieve tone you didn’t know you could. She finds the exact exercises and techniques that work for your voice and teaches you to use these skills in a totally authentic way for you as an artist, enabling you to take your performance to where you want it to go.

Needless to say I am always on a total high after my sessions with Jenny and Friday was no exception. This got me thinking about the other vocal coaches I have had as an adult, and how grateful I am to them for the generosity with which they give their knowledge.

Before Jenny, I worked with Susan Blair, who is technically amazing. I met Susan when I started my foray into pop. Her CV of clients like Jenny’s is crazily impressive.

Before that Mark Hayden. An opera singer in his day, his methods were very traditional and he did make me sing opera; something I hadn’t done since school, but the richness of tone he managed to get me to access was something. Mark sadly passed away a number of years ago – he was a wonderful man.

And when I decided to get back to singing Jazz after I had my kids, I found Karen Lane and Anita Wardell. Both great jazz singers and vocal coaches.

I am a firm believer that people come into your life for a reason - good or bad - and I found these teachers at exactly the time I needed them and my experiences with all of them were positive and unique.

The thing they all have in common is not musicianship, or what they have studied - it is they truly love to teach.

And this is where I fall down a little. I love helping people - full stop. It doesn’t have to be musically or vocally related, but it can be. Friends who are singers will sometimes ask for pointers and I happily suggest exercises and different approaches.

But I would much rather just help, give advice as a friend; and as a singer I would rather be writing, exploring, performing or recording…that intangible passion a true teacher has is just not in me, not to the same extent.

I have been reminded recently that the more you learn, the more there is to learn. And I love to learn. Maybe one day I will be ready to impart knowledge, but I don't think I'm there yet. But never say never...      

Jazz and me

 People often ask me these days whether I have made a conscious move away from Jazz. It’s not that I have closed the door at all, it’s just at the moment, my journey is taking me down a different route, and whilst Jazz was my first proper musical love, I do like to try new things and right now that means new genres with new friends and colleagues.

Last week, however, I was asked to do a corporate jazz gig in the summer– toe-tapping standards will be the order of the day. This will be the first in over a year so obviously I jump at the chance to perform as it feels kind of strange not to as a singer, especially for such a prolonged period.

In preparation for the gig, I started leafing through my files of charts; looking at what I used to sing on a regular basis and which songs I was still drawn to. It was like a trip down memory lane, discovering songs I haven’t sung for a while is a bit like getting a phone call from an old friend.

Very quickly I remembered why I love the songs I first learnt in my early teens and why I have spent the best part of the last decade singing them.

I know a lot of people think of jazz as intellectual music, clever and elitist even and I suppose there is an element of that. After all there are a plethora of incredibly well schooled, talented musicians out there and to watch them groove and improvise can be breathtaking.

But for me, jazz is often about stating a song, even if it not sung. It’s about simplicity, timing, space, phrasing and emotion.

Maybe predictably as a singer I am especially drawn to the songs that are melancholic; the lyrics that walk the line between honesty and escapism. And there are many Jazz standards that fill these criteria.

I think there is a reason many of us, not just angst ridden singers love a song about heart break, it’s something we can all identify with - and the poignancy of a sorrowful lyric with a sweet melody is something jazz does beautifully.

So I was thinking about an example to typify what I personally love about Jazz music.

First I thought of an old recording of Billie Holiday singing, “Until the Real Thing Comes Along” or something like King Pleasure’s “I’m in the mood for love”. But I wanted to share something that shows the restraint of Jazz, that I adore, performed by a true master, so this seemed an obvious choice. Here is Shirley Horn singing, “Here’s to Life”. I hope you enjoy x

It’s time for a closet clear out

I have too many clothes. Mostly beautiful dresses I have collected through the years. I’m a sucker for anything in silk, bright colours and unusual prints. But - there are only 7 days a week so clearly there is a limit to how many clothes I can actually wear.

My biggest problem is I don’t like throwing any piece of clothing away and I pride myself on buying things that are timeless. In fact recently I wore a Collette Dinnigan dress that I bought in Australia when my daughter was born – so 18 years ago. It’s looking pretty good (the dress, not me!) and it has the added allure of being vintage now.

It doesn’t matter if it’s high street or designer, every item of clothing gets lovingly welcomed into the Parry fashion family (!!)So culling does not come naturally. This, coupled with a constant stream of new season pieces that are put online week after week to lure me into buying something new and desirable equals a wardrobe slowly descending into chaos and order needs to be restored.

I have a rough plan in my head with four categories: (a) keeping, (b) too threadbare for anyone so throwing away, (c) charity, and (d) worth selling. But how do I get to the four categories?

1. I have to be ruthless. If I don’t love it and it doesn’t fit perfectly, it needs to go. This is a no-brainer.

2. Focus on my own style. I am a dress girl, and more recently a shirt/skirt girl. The point is I am not a jeans girl. I only have one pair of jeans in my wardrobe. So whilst it is nice to go off road now and again, most of us have our personal style figured out.

3. I must be brutally honest with myself. When I do allow myself to buy something new, I must scan my wardrobe for similar items. We all have a tendency to gravitate towards the same colours and shapes of clothes. But how many black leather pencil skirts does one girl need? In my case - three and that’s more than enough! They actually all fit really well, so they are staying.

4. Use good judgment. I personally do not adhere to the “if you haven’t worn it for two years throw it out", I refer to my Collette Dinnigan dress earlier. We don’t need a cocktail dress every day, but it's good to know there are a few in your wardrobe that fit perfectly, ready for the right occasion. However, if you always sidestep a particular item of clothing for something else, it needs to go.

So, my plan makes perfect sense to me. But I have been thinking about how best to dispatch pieces I want to sell, mainly designer clothes that don’t fit or suit me anymore.

Obviously lots of people sell on eBay and similar sites, and there are services that sell your clothes for you and take a commission. But increasingly I am thinking that whilst I would like to make some money from my beloved wardrobe, I would also like to raise some money for charity. So here’s where I need your input.

Current seedling ideas are setting up my own little online “shop” maybe attached to this blog where I could sell a certain number of clothes for a different charity a month or - what I am veering towards is organising a larger sale event with live music (maybe performed by me and various friends/guests) supporting maybe 5-6 charities that are important to me…I know this sounds like a mish mash, but with a bit of focus I think it might be a great event and worthwhile, would you come? Suggestions, advice and thoughts gratefully received here…  

The power of a song

So true to "Parry" form, I am switching things around today. So often, I write something ready to post, and then I am compelled to post something else.

Last night I caught up on the season 4 finale of Scandal - have I mentioned how much I love Olivia Pope and am a huge fan of Shonda Rimes' writing? I'm pretty sure I have tweeted this once or twice...

Anyway, interestingly, there wasn't a cliffhanger, or a disaster in the closing moments; it was quite a hopeful conclusion. I won't go into details in case you haven't watched it yet, or don't watch it...in which case I may slightly boring you (!)The purpose of this post is actually musical. For a few years now TV programmes have been using well-known songs to incredible effect as background for certain scenes.

In fact, I think, Grey's Anatomy, another Shonda Rimes' show led the way with pop song covers - mainly from the 80s. I think this is how I discovered Sleeping at Last and where I got the inspiration for my own covers project.

And whilst I love hearing original scores written for film and TV, and no one can refute the power of a piece of music alongside a particular scene; when we know a song, we connect with it in a completely different way, and if it is a version we are unfamiliar with it can evoke a number of different emotions especially when married with certain visuals.

Anyway, back to the closing minutes Season 4 of Scandal. This scene was coupled with the incredible tone of Nina Simone singing, "Here comes the sun". It is fair to say, I have not heard anything by Nina Simone I haven't adored. It’s the timbre of her voice, the emotion that oozes from every line - not too much, not too little  - just enough. And don't get me started on her sublime piano playing...So here it is. To me it is hopeful with a tinge of melancholy - something Nina Simone does so effortlessly. Enjoy x 

Exams are NOT the "be all and end all"

I was brought up in a very academically oriented household, maybe unsurprisingly with my Indian heritage (!) My parents strongly believed that all successful roads in life originate from diligent study and a “good” education. So people who know me may double take when I say I exams are not the "be all and end all".

I know this from my own journey and also as a mother I have learned that sometimes life turns things upside down and what is important is thrown into the spotlight and you get that all important perspective.

Was that a little bit cryptic? Let me share with you what has been going on.

Yesterday, my daughter sat her first A-level Maths paper. This is however, the only subject she will be sitting this summer. After being severely lethargic, not sleeping, having migraines for days on end and sore throats for over six weeks coupled with hardly any appetite I managed a few weeks ago to finally get her to agree to go to the doctor and have a blood test.

Needless to say, I have been consumed with worry with all sorts of diagnoses running through my head, because as I have said before mothers, and fathers, are hardwired to worry for our children.

The day after the test, the GP called and I knew something was up. She said my daughter had glandular fever and extremely impaired liver function, which can often happen with the virus.

Whilst I was relieved to have a diagnosis, I did feel like a complete failure as a mother. My daughter is 18, and extremely strong willed, but I am her mother and it my job to look after her. I had dropped the ball.

Anyway, my daughter continued to drag herself out of bed trying to revise for as many hours possible. The doctor said, “Give into the tiredness,” to which my daughter replied, “ I can’t, these my A-levels and I have been working for two years for this moment.”

Then last week, I went into her room to find her sobbing inconsolably. At this point, it doesn’t matter if you are parent or not, our hearts always ache when someone we love is suffering. “I can’t do it Mummy, I’m not ready, I can’t concentrate and I can’t remember everything. “In that moment, I knew exactly what to do. “Right, what if we hit pause and you don’t do your exams this year? “How?” She said. “Well, you were taking year off anyway, and not going to university till September 2016, so you’re not delaying anything,” I continued.

And then I said something, right out of my own mother’s handbook, “If you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything.”

So, as family we put a plan in place. Maths this year, but the subjects that require a lot of learning are on hold. And I must say her school has been incredible. In fact, after our last meeting at school, I could visibly see the weights and worries my daughter had been internalising, for months, lifting.

I’m not saying that exams are not important; of course they are, if you’re doing them. And I do believe that if you commit to something, whatever that is, you should give it your all.

But sometimes, life throws you a curve ball and put things squarely into perspective. Looking back on my life so far, it is the challenges I have faced that have made me stronger and defined me, more so than the qualifications on my CV.

My mantra for my kids, ever since they were born, has been “healthy, happy and safe”, because I believe if those three things are in place, everything else follows. So, I guess I’ll just keep trying.PS: And for those of you who know my daughter…we are a way off 100% health…but she is definitely headed in the right direction. 

Prismologie - body care to stir the senses through colour and nature

 A few weeks ago, whilst running errands I found myself outside my local Space NK and something caught my eye. I am always impressed by great window dressing because it draws you in, just as it is supposed to - and there in the window was Prismologie, a brand new skincare line, clean contemporary packaging with a vibrant blast of colour.

I love trying new things, so I thought I’d take a look at the range. I decided on the foaming body scrub with Cedarwood and ruby (from the Red Hour section) and the rich body cream with Neroli and diamond (from the White Beginning products).

Prismologie is the brainchild and first skincare line from Intisar and Fatima Alsabah, a mother and daughter team from Kuwait; they describe themselves as women who “have always wanted to provide people with tools to empower themselves.”

Their concept began when they started connecting the huge impact colours have on people’s moods and attitudes. They were looking for a brand that used the power of colours, but couldn't find one. So they thought they would create one themselves.

In their own words, “We all react very naturally and intuitively to colour. We understand colour but we don't always embrace its powerful effects on us. We want to invite people to engage with colours in a different way, to notice what they feel and to decide how they want to feel. We want the colours in our range to set the tone of people’s days and encourage them to reconnect with themselves.“

“When we started thinking about how we want to add colour to our daily lives, we realised that a body care routine is a given for most people. We all shower, we need something to moisturise our skin with and so on. We all live very busy lives and we sometimes get carried away and don't realise that we have forgotten to focus on ourselves even for a few minutes to give ourselves the care we need. We chose body care most specifically because caring for your body is usually a very personal experience, whereas one’s face is usually something people care for in part for others to see; not always just for ourselves.”

For me, this idea makes total sense; I personally am very colour driven and also am very aware, given my Indian heritage, of the chakras and the colours associated to them, which interestingly tie into the Prismologie brand. Colours affect my mood without doubt, and I definitely go through phases of being drawn more strongly to certain colours than others. I think we all do, even if we are not consciously aware of it.

And I suppose we all pick clothes to suit our moods, to boost our confidence. I certainly know from myself and other friends that we may even choose our underwear to make us feel good/beautiful/sexy/empowered on a particular day; so, why not take it a step further, with what you choose put on your body before you get dressed?

Prismologie is a high-end brand, so not cheap, but from personal use, a little goes a long way. And the effects of the beautiful ingredients are that my skin is silky smooth and the positive stimulation of my senses seems very real. If you fancy a treat or change, Prismologie is really worth checking out.

To find out more about the brand and products in detail, check out Prismologie (http://www.prismologie.com). Prismologie can be found at online and at Space NK stores (spacenk.com)PS: It’s good to note that Prismologie products do not contain GM ingredients, Sodium Lauryl Sulphate (SLS), Petrolatum or Propylene Glycol, Parabens, animal derivatives or products that have been tested on animals. They do not agree with animal testing and every single element of packaging is recyclable and they only use FSC cardboard and reusable glass.  

When in doubt, wait.

When I was younger - I’m thinking of my school and university years here, I used to feel waiting was a sign of weakness. Surely it meant I was indecisive and I didn’t know what I wanted.

I have always trusted my instincts but often didn’t take the time to follow them through to the end of a thought process. I was in too much of a rush to dive in and ended up being quite impetuous. Consequently, I fell into life decisions that in time I wasn’t happy with, having arguments and disagreements with people I cared about because I didn’t wait to let the dust settle.

But in my mind making quick decisions was linked to being proactive and getting things done, so it was okay.

I had a flatmate at university, whose dad used to say to us, “When in doubt, means no”. This turned into a bit of a blanket philosophy for us. When we couldn’t trust our own judgment we used to defer to this way of thinking. Admittedly, we mainly employed this approach to going out with boys. Life was full of the big issues in those days!

However, as I have grown older, I have come to realise that waiting can have great merit. Delaying a decision, a delicate conversation, reviewing a situation, being more measured before I decide on anything can actually be a much stronger position to take. It’s okay for me not to be sure of everything straightaway.

And in this ever accelerating, fast track, society of instant gratification in which we live – taking our time and even hitting pause sometimes can be really beneficial for mind and body.

As a personality, I can be quite impulsive, so this does go against my natural state, but when I employ this way of thinking and being, whilst still trusting my instincts, I increasingly seem to end up in the right place, in the right way.

Over recent weeks I have found this particularly pertinent at home. As I have mentioned in previous posts we are in the midst of exams. There is a lot going on, some things that I may expand upon over the coming weeks that have injected a little bit of crazy into everyone’s lives.

And whilst there may be many things to discuss, worries to address, waiting to find the right time is paramount. I have to be honest I don’t often get this right, but I am trying and learning. And as I often say to my kids, “If you can’t think of something positive to say, don’t say anything at all.” Hard to do, but this is a great example of waiting…The other area, in which I am trying to teach myself to wait - is shopping. Bear with me here. It is no secret that I am an ardent shopper. I love fashion and all things beautiful. But, at the start of the year, I decided I wanted to curb my spending on frivolous things. After all, there are only 7 days in the week, so there is a limit to how many clothes I can actually wear.And the funny thing here is that delayed gratification feels much more rewarding that the instant variety. Waiting a while to see if I really want something makes me happier. I make a slow, informed decision - and it is better for my bank balance, for which I am also very grateful. I know this is a superficial example, but the mindset permeates so many areas of my life these days, in a really good way.

I’m not saying for one minute, sit back and wait for life to happen around you. Life is for living to the full and I believe we should grab it with both hands, as we rarely know what is around the next corner. But sometimes biding your time, waiting, puts you in a better position; one that you might not have seen if you just jumped in - and that is a wonderful thing.         

How do you shop the sales?

This may be one for the ladies, but I certainly don’t want to exclude all the very stylish men I know…The summer sales are coming. Many shops are already sending out preview sale invitations with up to 40% off marked prices. And though this used to fill me with great joy, I am under no illusions when I get these invitations; I am not special, I have just done A HELLUVA LOT of shopping in my time, so qualify for a lot of discounts!

I used to love a sale. I mean, who doesn’t love a bargain? The trouble with a bargain is that sometimes we get swept up with the markdowns and end up with more stuff we didn’t need in the first place.

These days, I try to be a little more discerning. The reality is, for me there is less desire to snap something up in an end of season sale - here’s why:

Firstly, because we seem to live with a “get it now” mentality, so if I really lust after something, I try it on and if it fits and I can afford it, I buy it. The justification for buying something full price is that my size may not be there at the end of the season, but to be honest we can all justify whatever we want….Secondly, if I have waited till the end of the season, I obviously didn’t want the, let’s say for instance, dress, that much, so maybe I’m just imagining I want it, because it’s in the sale?

And finally it is END OF season. Clothes that we “ooohed” and “ahhhed” over in January for Spring/Summer are somehow less appealing. And as the fashion industry turns its’ attention to pre fall/autumn collections, we are already being tantalized by new season lines, having not yet made full use of our summer wardrobe.

However, sales do have their place. Nowadays, my strategy is I only really buy special pieces in sales. Luxurious fabrics and beautifully cut dresses or jackets that are timeless.

Like a hawk, I will watch something that was horrendously expensive at the start of the season, which I adored but there was absolutely no justification in handing over my credit card for; I will watch as the price gets slashed.

Sometimes if you can bear the wait beautiful things can be discounted by as much as 80% and snapping them up then, feels so good, I think this may be a legal high...There is of course a gamble involved here so I will also say a little prayer to the shopping angels so that if and when the price becomes affordable, my size is still available.

I am not a fan of buying stuff that sits in your wardrobe unworn, so whatever I buy I wear and I think, some of us can go a little crazy in the sales as it is all cheaper. I must deter you from this - there’s no point buying stuff just because it’s cheaper, unless it’s gorgeous on you of course.

So how you will shop the sales? Do you go crazy or do you have a strategy?

Personally, I have my eye on a pair of Saint Laurent black leather shorts. I have lusted after them for months and my lust is undiluted. I cannot justify them, but I will watch and wait and with any luck, they will come down to a much less eye -watering price…fingers crossed…In the meantime, happy sales shopping let me know what you find…