Supercharging your facial – with Natura Bisse’s Mindful Touch

I am massive fan of facials. And Natura Bisse facials are very much top of my list.

So when a week or so ago I was invited to the Savoy in London to have a bespoke Natura Bisse facial, I jumped at the chance.

I was delighted that my therapist was going to do the Vitamin C+C facial on me, as this is my favourite line for the summer months. She then offered the Mindful Touch experience as well, which I have avoided up to now. More fool me.

Anyway, I was intrigued by her description so I said yes.

The Mindful Touch experience is an 8-minute bolt on to any bespoke Natura Bisse facial - you wear goggles and are guided through a visual and aural relaxation - which massively enhances your facial.

I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t experienced it. You are relaxed by beautiful and interesting imagery, music and a carefully scripted narrative  - which I thought would be intrusive or annoying but wasn’t at all. And as if that wasn’t enough the therapist massages and presses certain pressure points in time with the visual and aural programme.

The reason I say your facial is supercharged is because you are taken to a deeper state of relaxation much more quickly. I seemed to by-pass trying to quieten my brain myself; the Mindful Touch did it for me.

One of the reasons I love facials is because you’re in the hands of a specialist for an hour or so. They use their knowledge and expertise to cleanse and nourish your skin in a way I simply can’t do at home. And I have found the benefits of a good facial can last up to a week. But what Natura Bisse have done with the Mindful Touch added to their facials goes far beyond skin care.

The Mindful Touch ensures an almost immediate enjoyment of the treatment and is blissfully effective in providing a deeply tranquil state during the facial - and this from someone who finds it incredibly hard to switch off or not chat incessantly about the facial.

What’s even more incredible is that the end of the programme seems to energise you so you are refreshed, whilst still being relaxed when it is over. Although it is safe to say, I really didn’t want it to be over.

I am always conscious of my mind-body connection and this focus on well-being, I feel must have had a knock on effect on my skin.

Needless to say I was floating for the rest of the day…. So if you haven’t tried it I would really recommend getting down to a Natura Bisse spa and trying it for yourself…  

So what does success mean to you?

Does it equate to your dream job, the size of your bank balance, a perfect relationship, what schools and colleges your children go to, or being truly happy and having peace of mind?

For me, the meaning of success has changed dramatically over the years.

I was brought up in a very traditional Indian family and one of the stereotypes was that success was defined by academic achievement and status – where you went to school, what job you had, where you lived, even what car you drove.Although I knew from a very early age that I wanted to write, sing and perform, that desire was suppressed by my family’s wishes for me to pursue something that was perceived to have greater kudos than writing songs in my journal and performing in bands.

So, for a long while I followed the “expected” path – I worked to get into the best schools, got loads of qualifications, jobs in journalism and publishing - and whilst I definitely threw myself into everything I did – there was always a slight latent dissatisfaction.

Don’t get me wrong. I did enjoy what I was achieving and of course making good money gives us choices and lovely materialistic things.

Don’t worry; I am not going to regurgitate my whole life here. But over time I realised that whilst a lot of people like to tick off achievements, it didn’t really fuel my fire and in some ways felt hollow.

Of course, I set goals and want to do my best but there has to be an element of intangible fulfilment. Something, and this is not meant to sound pretentious, that makes my soul sing.

For many years, I felt unsuccessful professionally because I wasn’t climbing a career ladder and ticking boxes. But during that time, in my twenties, I gave birth twice and nurtured two gorgeous babies who have turned into two rather impressive young adults. I know many people do this, but for me, being a mother is a huge personal success, as I have never thought of myself as “mother material”.

My other success is – my music – I guess you knew that was coming. Lots of people thought I was idiotic to pick up my singing career when my children were babies. But I had no choice - it was a compulsion.

Even though it is still not the most straightforward of paths - the rewards of creating and performing music are limitless, to me.

So I guess if you asked what success means to me now, I would say, doing what I love, overcoming obstacles and living each moment to its fullest.

I also place very high regard on emotional success and by this I mean treating people well, with kindness and compassion. Loving the people I care about to the best of my ability. I don't always get it right and am a bitch sometimes, but that’s because I am human and flawed…I leave you with this Maya Angelou quote, which could have been the whole post really, but I feel you know by now how I love to ramble…“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do and how you do it“.

Pretty succinct - so what does success mean to you?

The nerves curve

I always get nervous, before a recording, performance and even before I meet new people sometimes.

You see I am quite shy. I suspect a few people are rolling their eyes and I have one particular mate (who lives in Sydney) who is probably spluttering on his red wine if he is reading this! But I am and I have recognized growing up that being shy is not conducive to my chosen path, so I have trained myself not to be…However, nervousness is a different ball game. It seems to be more elusive. And though I have tried, I can’t eradicate my nerves.

But I have noticed over the years that my brain follows a pattern - what I call my nerves curve. And I’d be really interested to know if this is the same for everyone.

So, the phases of my nerves curve – firstly huge excitement about performing - there is nothing I would rather do.

This is closely followed by severe over thinking, learning and relearning till everything becomes like second nature. I was recently told to chill - in this phase there is no chilling...Then at the peak of the nerves curve – I forget everything. I always have a moment when everything vanishes from my brain - lyrics, melody, phrasing, and interpretation.

Then I panic and wonder why I have put all this work in. I practise a little harder and nothing works. So, I have to leave all alone. When I revisit it, everything is back.

After this, any nerves fall away very quickly and the focus becomes about being as authentic as I can be and communicating what I want to say. Anticipation takes over and I can’t wait to do what it is I have been working towards.

Then just before I go on stage I forget everything again and sometimes even shake. I don’t feel nervous but it is like a delayed reaction - as though my body has caught up with my brain.

I have had to learn to trust myself because when I open my mouth the right melody and lyrics seem to fall out…well, most of the time!

My earliest recollection of this pattern was when I was 11. We were performing a musical called “Once upon a mattress” – based on “The Princess and the Pea” at school.

I was the court Minstrel who narrated and sang throughout the play. Whilst preparing for the role, I went through all the phases I’ve described.

The tricky bit was the beginning of the play. It started with me on the stage alone singing, without accompaniment for about 16 bars.

I remember standing on the school stage looking out and seeing everyone waiting, about 1000 people in total…and I think my mother had her head in her hands (!)

I waited longer than planned but once I opened my mouth, my legs stopped shaking and pure enjoyment took over.

I have always assumed this cycle is particular to me. And I suppose nervousness can affect us in many different situations…. what about you? When do you feel nervous and how do you overcome it?   

What makes your world go around?

 “Money makes the world go around”, sang Liza Minnelli famously in Cabaret…and The Beatles sang, “All you need is love”.

I don’t think we can argue with either of these points. Money certainly makes life smoother and more comfortable in many ways; and love, well, when you experience it - it is a truly precious thing.

I am feeling a little introspective today – happy and appreciative, but chilled so I thought I tune my ramblings into that vibe.

Over the last few months, a number of things have happened prompting me to think about what is important to me – qualities that I hopefully have but I want to nurture in myself and things I don’t want to live without.

There have been periods of disappointment, negativity, anger, confusion and frustration - in fact there have been a few weeks where that was all I could see.

But life is funny; when I couldn’t summon up the insight to find a way forward or regain my generally positive attitude - life in its majestic, cyclical way replaced those instances with serenity, hope, positivity, joy and laughter.

Anyone that knows me, knows I am driven by my instinct and emotion. And the most pertinent thing that has been highlighted recently is that when I ignore my intuition - I come unstuck. So what makes life better for me? Here are six things I don’t want to live without:

1. KINDNESS – it struck me as I was writing this that whilst I have friends who come from many different walks of life and people that may not have a lot in common with each other – at their core they are all kind and friendly.

2. WARMTH – I’m a kinda fluffy character. I love making people feel welcome and loved and cared for and I definitely I gravitate towards people and situations that foster these feelings.

3. LOYALTY – this is a no brainer for me. We all go through life connecting with each other. Just so you know, if I have your back, I have your back…we might drift and not see each other for ages, but if you need me I’ll be there. We may even fall out, and if we do, rest assured your confidence will never be betrayed…and whilst I try not to expect anything, I have to admit I hope this is reciprocated.

4. GENEROSITY– OF HEART. My son is a great example of this. I guess it’s pretty straightforward when you like someone. But even when someone has hurt my son, or he doesn’t gel with someone, somehow he finds something positive or complimentary to say about that person.

5. PEOPLE - family, friends, colleagues and friends-to-be...whilst I know only too well that people can shock you and make you sad, I also know how a smile, a message and chat with someone you care about, like or revere can lift you up and make you feel on top of the world, or like anything is achievable.

6. MUSIC - maybe you expected this one? Music is like air for me, I would find it hard to survive without it.

As I read this back, this feels like a rambly post. But this blog is all about me - sharing my thoughts and experiences with you – mostly it’ll be about work or something that has happened in my life – but today I felt like having a chat!So I hope it wasn’t too indulgent, and I would love to know what makes your world go around? 

When in doubt, wait.

When I was younger - I’m thinking of my school and university years here, I used to feel waiting was a sign of weakness. Surely it meant I was indecisive and I didn’t know what I wanted.

I have always trusted my instincts but often didn’t take the time to follow them through to the end of a thought process. I was in too much of a rush to dive in and ended up being quite impetuous. Consequently, I fell into life decisions that in time I wasn’t happy with, having arguments and disagreements with people I cared about because I didn’t wait to let the dust settle.

But in my mind making quick decisions was linked to being proactive and getting things done, so it was okay.

I had a flatmate at university, whose dad used to say to us, “When in doubt, means no”. This turned into a bit of a blanket philosophy for us. When we couldn’t trust our own judgment we used to defer to this way of thinking. Admittedly, we mainly employed this approach to going out with boys. Life was full of the big issues in those days!

However, as I have grown older, I have come to realise that waiting can have great merit. Delaying a decision, a delicate conversation, reviewing a situation, being more measured before I decide on anything can actually be a much stronger position to take. It’s okay for me not to be sure of everything straightaway.

And in this ever accelerating, fast track, society of instant gratification in which we live – taking our time and even hitting pause sometimes can be really beneficial for mind and body.

As a personality, I can be quite impulsive, so this does go against my natural state, but when I employ this way of thinking and being, whilst still trusting my instincts, I increasingly seem to end up in the right place, in the right way.

Over recent weeks I have found this particularly pertinent at home. As I have mentioned in previous posts we are in the midst of exams. There is a lot going on, some things that I may expand upon over the coming weeks that have injected a little bit of crazy into everyone’s lives.

And whilst there may be many things to discuss, worries to address, waiting to find the right time is paramount. I have to be honest I don’t often get this right, but I am trying and learning. And as I often say to my kids, “If you can’t think of something positive to say, don’t say anything at all.” Hard to do, but this is a great example of waiting…The other area, in which I am trying to teach myself to wait - is shopping. Bear with me here. It is no secret that I am an ardent shopper. I love fashion and all things beautiful. But, at the start of the year, I decided I wanted to curb my spending on frivolous things. After all, there are only 7 days in the week, so there is a limit to how many clothes I can actually wear.And the funny thing here is that delayed gratification feels much more rewarding that the instant variety. Waiting a while to see if I really want something makes me happier. I make a slow, informed decision - and it is better for my bank balance, for which I am also very grateful. I know this is a superficial example, but the mindset permeates so many areas of my life these days, in a really good way.

I’m not saying for one minute, sit back and wait for life to happen around you. Life is for living to the full and I believe we should grab it with both hands, as we rarely know what is around the next corner. But sometimes biding your time, waiting, puts you in a better position; one that you might not have seen if you just jumped in - and that is a wonderful thing.         

When my brain needs calming...

When I have very full busy weeks like this one, my brain can go into a bit of a tailspin and I often find it hard to focus on one thing at a time as I have so much to do. I’m not sure if this is a quirk of me, or the same for most people, as we all have so much to juggle in our daily lives. For me, any kind of order goes out of the window and chaos ensues.

In times like these, though it has taken me a while, I am finally learning to stop - temporarily at least. And my “go-to happy place” when I do stop is reading poetry and lyrics. Immersing myself in beautifully written words is so soothing for me, and if I'm really lucky I become inspired to write some of my own.

I can’t quite articulate why it felt right to post this poem by Maya Angelou today, but it just did.

I have many music, motherhood and Parry type ramblings coming your way over the next few weeks, but for now enjoy the power of Ms Angelou… 

Still I rise - Maya Angelou 

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise. Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room. Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard?

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?Does it come as a surprise?

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs? Out of the huts of history's shame I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise I rise I rise. 

What makes you think of a person as a star?

(Robin WIlliams in Los Angeles on Friday, Aug. 14, 2009. (AP Photo/Matt Sayles))

Nowadays, there are some words that are thrown around all too frequently, in my opinion – legend, icon, and star, even a god, which I heard this morning on the radio about a footballer.

Maybe, I am getting old, but I find this free and easy labelling increasingly irritating. We do live in a world where there is fantastic talent in so many areas of life, but there are degrees - and true stardom, to me, is something quite unusual.

True stars have talent and are excellent at what they do, that’s a given, but there is something more, something intangible, that makes them special.

I don’t believe the majority of true greats decided one day that they were at the pinnacle of their careers; it just became glaringly obvious to everyone else. People, I consider to be stars, as I said have talent of course but it takes time, experience, integrity, persistence, determination and humility. And the people we revere that attain this title share their talents with us unreservedly - it is at their very core and it literally pours out of them.

At the moment, I am thinking particularly about BB King, whom the world lost on Friday. Sadly, I never saw him perform live, but he had such an impact on my musical life. And on hearing of his passing it felt like there was a sombre cloud over many people’s moods.

Another such man, in my eyes, was Robin Williams. I remember, how upset so many of my friends and I were to hear of his death, last year. Mastery like his seemed to be a god- gifted talent, as my mother would call it, so intertwined with his character and being, it looked effortless.

Of course, much of this “stardom” labelling is subjective. Even if certain people are viewed favourably by the masses, there will always be someone who will call their “status” into question, or disagree. But there are some, like BB King and Robin Williams, who are universally accepted as legends.

And over the last year or so, we have lost some incredible talent: Maya Angelou, Bob Hoskins, Rik Mayall, Joe Cocker, Lauren Bacall and Richard Attenborough, to name a few as well as of course Robin Williams and BB King. These names are just off the top of my head and I would be interested to know if anyone would call into question the star like qualities of anyone on the list above.

And I would love to know what qualities you think people have whom you consider to be iconic. Who do you think of as a star?...

And because it is still so raw and fresh in my mind, here's another BB King song, not that I think we really need a reason. I struggled to listen to this all the way through on Friday, but I have made progress...in the words of the spectacular Mr King: “Let the good times roll…”

When a quick fix doesn’t cut it: or how an illness led me to Michelle Roques O’Neil

(Michelle Roques O'Neil)

A few years ago, I got virus that resulted in me being bed ridden for about 2 weeks, it then took another 6 weeks to regain any kind of normality, I had been zapped of my life force, or so it felt. I saw several doctors, popped every pill prescribed and had every test under the sun. I need to be fixed, and quickly.

The good news is all the tests were normal, there was nothing wrong with me; the bad news was no one could tell me what had happened. As I improved, one of the doctors suggested it could have been stress induced. But being in so much pain that I was confined to my bed, because of stress seemed ridiculous.

I have always believed in the mind, body and soul connection. There has been much scientific evidence that emotional experiences have a real effect on our physiology. And traditional Chinese medicine says that different organs represent different emotions.

Anyway, the point is I had experienced something which conventional medicine couldn’t answer. My body shut down and took its’ own sweet time to reboot. I wanted a way forward to guard against a similar episode; I felt I needed a longer lasting solution.

I am a great believer that life gives you what you need. About two years before my crazy virus I had read about a lady called Michelle Roques O’Neil. I read the article and unusually, after a few weeks, I didn’t put the magazine into the recycling, I kept coming back to it.

Eventually I picked up the phone and spoke to Michelle. A lot of what she said resonated with me, so I booked an appointment.

To say, Michelle is an aromatherapist and massage therapist who has counseling qualifications is accurate. She combines oils, acupressure and reiki to tune into the physical and emotional states of her clients. But in truth this doesn’t really scratch the surface.

She is warm and easy to trust. She is a healer, a very proactive one. She compassionately finds the possible roots to dissatisfaction, sadness, resentment, anger, hurt and stress that you may have buried so deep that you were not aware of them and gives you tools to improve yourself from the inside out.

She helps you strip away negative emotions, superficialities and insecurities to be a more authentic you. Even if like me you thought you were fine and nothing was really wrong. Michelle helps in subtle yet profound ways. And yes, she is an awesome massage therapist and facialist.

It is true that someone else being a sounding board often highlights issues in your life that you could not see before. Objectivity is hard when you are being subjective. Michelle has taught me balance and putting myself first, which I have never been very good at. I leave an appointment feeling rejuvenated and energized with a clearer vision – emotionally and mentally.

In this world of quick fixes, many of us are increasingly looking for answers and ways of living that are more meaningful, long lasting and nourishing. People I wouldn’t have thought of as spiritually aware are turning to meditation, journals and yoga.

I personally recognise the joy of a quick fix to make myself feel good or less stressed – a manicure, a new pair of shoes or a glass of prosecco or two, and Michelle would encourage these little joys. But we could also recognize them as temporary and balance them with something more nurturing and long term to keep us well and happy.

I am sure I will write about my friend and mentor Michelle Roques O’Neil again. But in the meantime, if you want to check her out please take a look at her website where you can discover her world http://www.roquesoneil.com/ 

Beliefs – Friend or foe? What do you believe?

There is a proverb that has been imprinted on my brain since I was a child. Very loosely translated from Bengali, it is

"However much you laugh is how much you’ll cry."

The phrase sounds beautiful in Bengali but has always struck me as such an odd thing to say. When I was growing up, it was sometimes used by my mother as a warning.

Even if I employ my rational brain and think about Newton's 3rd law - every action has an equal and opposite reaction - I still don’t understand why we would be told not to have too much fun. In case something bad happens? That seems fearful.

This got me thinking about the things we are told and the weight of a belief. Beliefs can empower or decimate instantly, often in quite a surreptitious way. For example, my family is huge and, for the most part, very traditional. Whilst there was great love in our home, there was not a lot of praise. It was frowned upon, the belief was that it would breed arrogance. Humility was the way to go, and whilst I agree that it is a wonderful quality, the things that people say (and how they say them) can stay with you forever. When I was a teenager I was told quite forcefully once that I was a failure. The whys and wherefores aren’t relevant here, but it has stayed with me forever.

There are always people in our lives, often those closest to us, whose words matter, whose beliefs we take as gospel. This is wonderful if the beliefs raise us up, not if they put you down. For many people, beliefs are linked to religion, which, combined with tradition and culture, was heavily intertwined in the way I was brought up. Despite my relationship with God being very up and down, I respect all religions and faith (as long as they do no harm). I do believe there is something more than flesh and bone. I believe in the soul and inexplicable connections. I believe there is more.

And I have to say: I don’t believe that "God" or any kind of higher order that would want us to have a detrimental effect on people or to put a negative spin on happiness and laughter.

I have always been accepting of life's ups and downs, I am prepared to take the rough spots if I can have the moments of euphoria. In fact I believe that the way we deal with low points and challenges in life is what defines us. So I’m going to keep laughing and being happy, and if that has to be balanced with sadness then I am prepared to shed the odd tear.

How about you? What do you believe? Do your beliefs empower you, or are building yourself up after falling prey to unfounded beliefs?

Slow Down to do More; My Search for Balance

I often visualise any given day, as a box - a finite space in which I cram as much as possible. I’m not saying my life is busier than anyone else’s. We all seem to live in a world that has a surreptitious accelerator built into it. Hours, days and weeks fly past and I find myself squeezing as much as I can into my virtual box and sometimes, stuff just spills out. It doesn’t all fit. But I need it to fit, how can I get to fit?

The start of this year has been dream like, but full on. Family life – always busy, work – gratifying but challenging – starting this gorgeous shiny blog, finishing final vocals for my lovely project with guitarist Francesco Lo Castro and meeting the incredible producer Andy Wright and bringing to life a covers concept I have had formulating in my head for a while. Life is in a groove right now.

Despite the fact that I love being busy, I can spiral into a whirlpool of latent stress. My default setting is to push through. Power on: whatever the cost. However the cost is often, my wellbeing and sanity. Couple this with the fact that I am very tough on myself; I am the queen of self-beration, in fact.

So I have found myself, over the last month, actively slowing down on my busiest days, taking breaks and hitting my personal pause button. And whilst slowing down goes against my natural state, I seem to be getting more done. It’s as though all the “stuff” suddenly has its own space and there is room to breathe.

For me this is progress. But balance is a delicate thing and I’m not sure I have mastered the subtleties yet. Sometimes we need to stop. I’m told it’s good for the soul. Last week is a good example:

I was in the studio from Tuesday. Everyday was great. On Thursday, we finished the vocals and the wine came out, so left my car at the studio and taxied it home at 1am. Luckily the next morning I felt fine, but a little bit of guilt crept in when I didn’t have my car to take my son to school. This was something I was meant to do.

Friday there was a gig and party at said studio. I think subconsciously I had allowed myself to let my hair down…and I did. It would be fair to say I was in a world of pain the next day, so all the work I had planned for Saturday was shelved. And then the berating started. I told myself I was wasting the day.

On Saturday we had a surprise dinner for my daughter’s 18th. I’m running on empty at this point, however, it may not surprise you to hear I rallied.

There is no doubt I needed a break. Every day is scheduled to the minute. So why can’t I allow myself to do nothing? Is the balance working hard, playing hard and then having time to be still?

So, briefly to the photo choice for this post. I don’t know why this pops into my head, but there used to be a Cadbury’s Caramel Advert with a bunny. All the animals would rush around her and she would chill out and say, “Take it easy with Cadbury’s Caramel” I know this is not the most Zen-like mantra, but it kinda works for me!

So, how do you balance your day? Are you annoyed when you don’t achieve what you wanted to? What is the difference between wasting a day and just chilling? Where is the balance?

We are all meant to shine

I have throughout my life, struggled with self-esteem. As I small child I was quite shy and reclusive. I had very severe eczema, head to toe, so looked and felt awful for a good 8 years or so, from about 6 years old. When I hit my teenage years, the eczema started to improve and I did everything I could to make up for lost time and the consequences were sometimes quite shocking. I am and always have been drawn to extremes.

My upbringing was wonderful, but praise was never commonplace, so much so that an unfounded seed of insecurity was planted and took hold. There was always someone better, brighter, prettier, more intelligent, and more talented.

Now lots of people who know me well will be raising their eyebrows and rolling their eyes. How is she describing herself as shy or insecure? But we are all very adept at only showing people what we want them to see.

Anyway, a dear friend and mentor of mine recently mentioned the following passage. It is commonly misattributed to Nelson Mandela's 1994 Inaugural Address but actually comes from the book 'A Return To Love' (1992) by Marianne Williamson, an American spiritual teacher, author and lecturer.

It is a beautiful passage and makes me feel empowered in a really humble way, if that makes sense. It is quite religious, but I don’t think that you need to be to take in the sentiment. You may know it already but I wanted to share it with you, because sometimes reiteration is a lovely thing: "...Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Being thankful

It is very fitting to have this start my blog, week one. I am so excited to be doing this, and appreciating whatever life gives me and being grateful is really important to me.I have posted this prayer/poem a number of times on my Facebook and Twitter accounts. I always come back to it. I found it quite some time ago trawling on the Internet, looking for inspiration.

It is something that has a wonderfully positive effect on me. It calms me, focuses me and reminds me of what is important.

I am very good at whipping myself into a frenzy; I’d like to be more present than I am sometimes.

My brain has this crazy scatter gun approach to a thousand things at once; it’s compulsive and non-stop. Sometimes for creativity this works really well, but it never allows me to be still. And often, I crave the clarity of stillness.

That’s when stopping, reading something beautiful and, in this case saying thank you, can be quite powerful. I feel like there is a lovely energy that washes over me… I really hope that doesn't sound pretentious.

Anyway, I wanted to post this for you – one of my favourite Gratitude prayers/poems: 

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,

if you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something

for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations

because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge

because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes

they will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary

because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfilment comes to those who are

also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles

and they can become your blessings.

~ Author Unknown ~

Losing my father, led to my reinvention

Everyone has a story, a pivotal life changing moment. I have a few actually - life, it would seem, keeps slapping me in the face to ensure I get the message. But of those moments there are none more relevant to my life as a musician than this one…

On October 18th 2001, my father suffered serious complications from what should have been a routine back operation. When he woke, after four days and five subsequent operations, he could no longer walk, talk or see. My world had been utterly decimated.

A few long months later I rediscovered my voice – which, it turned out, would be my salvation.

At the risk of sounding like a contestant on a reality show, I always knew that I wanted to sing. I have always found the emotion in music compelling, intoxicating even. That beautiful partnership of melody and lyrics can take me anywhere and evoke latent memories of a different time. But despite playing the piano from the age of 4, guitar from 11 and singing since the age of 7, the goal of being a professional singer had constantly been shelved. My mother, who recognised my love for music at an early age, was reticent. Possibly because, aged 16, I came home with a blond haired, blue eyed, saxophone playing 24 year old boyfriend! But also because perhaps she considered music too unstable a career choice. “You’ll end up in the gutter” she would say, and I used to think, but that’s where the fun’s happening.

So after two Physics degrees and a few jobs in science and business publishing, life accelerated. I got married and had two beautiful children. Many would say that that was enough. But for me not singing turned out to be my biggest regret and my dissatisfaction was growing by the day.

By the end of 2001, my father was in still in hospital (he never came home). He died on 29 February 2004. My mother's heart was broken, she was becoming reclusive and I had a 3 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. That is when I enrolled in a jazz singing class where for two hours a week I was in paradise. My technique was pretty ropey but my teacher convinced me that this was something I could peruse professionally.

I went to some open mic sessions, met some amazing musicians and cut a demo to see if I could get work. It turned out that I could - perhaps not in the most salubrious of locations, but I really didn't care. One of my greatest faults is that I don't always think things through. I favour the “fly by the seat of your pants” approach to life, which sometimes is a curse, but in this case I think it was a blessing. I was literally living my dream, and if I had thought of the practicalities perhaps I would have packed it all in. Slowly both the gigs and my voice got better. I realised I had to put in some serious graft on my technique and repertoire, but to call it work would be fraudulent. Singing isn't work to me - it’s my passion and my compulsion.

Throughout this journey, my kids (now 16 and 17) have been my greatest support. When I doubt myself, they get lippy and arsy in a way only teenagers can. They propel me forward with crazy energy. They tell me to live my dream, because that's what I tell them to do. They tell me that there are no shortcuts, because that’s what I tell them that too. And when I’m exhausted they fold washing, they empty the dishwasher and they make cups of tea.

Life as a singer is crazy, busy and not always straightforward, but there is nothing I’d rather do. Ever. And I feel like I’m just getting started. Losing my father was unbearable, he was kind and warm and gentle and it was one of those things that I thought could never happen to me. But the silver lining was the rediscovery of my voice. Now I get to sing and write every day, I get to be part of a family full of talented musicians and songwriters and I'm pretty sure my dad is smiling down at me, whilst kicking up a storm in heaven.