My 2019

Oh my lord, I can’t quite believe I have finally got round to posting this. Don’t laugh, but I have been meaning to write this post since the end of the summer. No real excuse except in the words of Ferris Bueller - life does move pretty fast - and for me, this year has flown by at lightning speed.  

So what did 2019 hold for me?  I am going to go against my natural rambly state and get to the point. Here is what I think is a decent summation of my year, in chronological order: 

I turned 50, moved into my own home, put on a gig, moved out of my new home to renovate it, got divorced, finished an album, fell in love, moved back into my house, watched my daughter graduate from University, signed a licensing deal with independent record label, Frtyfve, put on another gig, celebrated my son turning 21, started an online campaign to release my new music, went to Melbourne for nearly a month (part work/part pleasure), came back at the beginning of November and had to press pause on life as my son was severely ill and in hospital for 10 days. 

I spent the beginning of December catching up with work and on 22nd I flew to Frankfurt for my first German Christmas. A side note - I suffered a massive allergic reaction four days before I flew to Germany and got on the plane barely able to walk (I’m not exaggerating - I was covered from the neck down in an angry, sore, stinging rash that was also the soles of my feet which prevented me from walking - and had to get around the airport in a wheelchair :( ). 

Luckily the German doctor I saw prescribed a heady cocktail of antihistamines and cortisone that set me on the road to recovery and as I write now I am in Marrakech for the first time ever, for a few days of relaxation and to celebrate the New Year.

Before I go any further, the mother in me has to state that after a truly horrendous time, my son is well again. There was a five day period, when he was in hospital that I feared the worst as the drs were unable to diagnose his illness and he was worsening day on day. But I will address this in another post as I learned a lot about myself and the harsh reality that the worry as a parent never goes away. 

If I dial back to 2018, I remember it being a year where I was clearer on what I wanted to achieve creatively and who I am as an artist. 

This certainly gathered momentum in 2019. But in addition - due in part to the emotional rollercoaster that weaved its way through my year - 2019 has clarified who I am and who I want to be - how I choose to conduct myself and what I value in the people around me. This might sound a little airy fairy or silly but who I am on a personal level directly feeds into the artist in me, it always has done and always will.

I have probably said this before but emotion and connection are my strongest drivers. This year I have finally gained the ability to be a little more discerning about how I want to spend my time and not being scared to release things that do not serve me anymore.

My music and my children continue to be my life blood. I honestly don’t think I could survive without them. 

My daughter starts work in January for a children’s charity - which has been her absolute dream job for years. She has never wanted to compromise on her goal, and her tenacity and determination inspire me daily. 

My son, a second year English and Film student typically burns the candle at both ends - his talent and passion for everything he does also inspires me especially his commitment to raising money and awareness for Mental Health UK and being part of his Uni committee for Movember. 

Releasing new music is one of my greatest thrills, and last week I released my EP “Out of the Shadows”. This is a body of work I have wanted to create for years and I am really proud of it. A massive thank you to everyone involved and to you for listening. 

And whilst my blog hasn’t had the love it deserves this year, it will be back with some regularity in 2020. Season 2 of my podcast series, About Last Night, will also be back. 

One more thing -  I said earlier 2019 has been an emotional rollercoaster. It has been, and it took me a while to acknowledge that and allow myself to process the year’s events. 

It has been a year of massive personal and even spiritual growth which I feel must be really good thing. This year more than ever I have never been so thankful for my unrelenting positivity. I don’t know where it comes from and have called it delusional at times but I appreciate it everyday. It is a fire in me that makes me resilient and nurtures a knowing in me that whatever happens - everything will always work out. 

So that’s that. I hope some of this makes sense and gives you a picture of my 2019.

I am so excited for 2020 and everything it holds. I am ready to grab every opportunity that life presents and am planning on getting back into the studio around Easter. And whilst I am not big on New Year’s resolutions, I will do my best to connect and engage with you. I know I am haphazard social networker but please know I appreciate your support and never take your kind comments for granted. 

So all that’s left for me to say is I hope you have had a good year too and wish you all the best for 2020. 

Sending you all loads of love x

Taking stock of 2018

4 months. I am slightly embarrassed to admit that it has been nearly 4 months since my last proper blog post. So I thought it was time to rectify that, and take stock on what I have been doing this year.

Last year I said that 2017 had been the most important year for me creatively to date, and I have certainly built on that this year. Writing new songs, putting on live shows, working on a new album, my new podcast series, About Last Night and of course, dipping my toe in the fashion industry and working on brand strategy for Amanda Thompson Couture.

I continue to be clearer day on day on what I want to do, be and achieve as an artist both musically and in a wider creative sense. And that clarity is something I am unbelievably appreciative of.

But the biggest headline for 2018 has been one of personal growth. In fact, I might go even further, and say that it is possible this year I have experienced more personal growth than ever before. For me this is massive, because everything I do as an artist and creative hinges on what’s inside me, and how I feel.

Emotion and connection continue to be my primary drivers. But, this year I feel I have finally gained the ability to be a little more discerning about how I want to spend my time and not being scared to release things that do not serve me anymore.

And though for years I have described myself as adopting a “fly by the seat of my pants” methodology to life I have started being more structured in the way I approach things. This is definitely paying dividends, especially as for the first time in a long time, I have three very distinct areas to balance in my working life: my music, my podcasts and working with Amanda Thompson, which I do twice a week.

Many people are intrigued by this new venture. And it is funny how things turn out. For a few years now, I have really wanted to be involved in fashion – but like most industries it is really hard to break into them without any direct experience, and coupled with the fact that I wanted to do this later in life…. Well, let’s just say it wasn’t proving to be straightforward.

In case you don’t know, Amanda Thompson is a self-taught fashion designer. She is an incredible talent; and creates timeless pieces from the most exquisite fabrics and the fact that she has invited me to work on her brand with her, with such generosity of heart – is really humbling. What’s even better is we seem to complement each other pretty well. For me, it is exceptionally gratifying to share someone else’s creative journey and use my skill sets in a different way, and the fact that Amanda is a gorgeous human being makes this journey all the more sweet. As for my music - it continues to be my lifeblood.

At the moment, I am working with producer James McMillan, on a project that takes me back to my love of musical theatre and jazz. What is great about working with James is it’s both stimulating and challenging too; and he is pushing me in a way that I don’t think I have ever been pushed in the studio. I cannot wait to share this album with you in 2019. I think it is going to be really quite different from anything I have done before.

And finally my podcast series. This is something that has been in my head for years – I think I may be a closet talk show host (!) My guests have made this project a triumph and a joy for me. I thank each and every one of them.

So in a nutshell, that’s my year. This year more than ever I have learnt to accept and honour my past and the decisions I have made, look forward to the future – but above all enjoy the now. That is definitely new this year.

It has just occurred to me that where I am both personally and professionally is vastly different to where I thought I might be when I was younger. But I am also realising that there is no limit to discovery and finding joy in the present moment and feeding it into every area of my life. 

Looking back on 2017 – my creative journey…

After rushing headlong to Christmas, like we all do, I have taken a few days to reflect on this year.

I revel in these moments, not because I particularly like looking back, but I like taking stock and I love planning for the future.

2017 has been the most important creative year for me, to date. I am clearer than I have ever been on what I want to achieve as an artist both musically and in a wider creative sense.

My music, and the community I am part of through social networking, and am building through my blog, bring me immense happiness and satisfaction. Everything I do revolves around words and emotion. Words have always and will always matter to me. That’s why I love to write.

You may have heard me say before that in all things - communication and connection are my predominant motivations, always with a healthy sprinkling of positivity. I suppose if I had a mission statement – that would be it. And this year, more than ever, I feel I have stayed true to this.

A lot of this year has been about writing new music. I have never really considered myself a Jazz singer per se, though I have spent many years singing this gorgeous genre almost exclusively. I didn’t go to music school – something that has bothered me for years – but I feel more chilled about that these days.

I am a singer who writes adult contemporary music - a blend of pop, jazz and blues and I am really excited about my new release (Untold Stories, Part 1 - a collaboration with my dear friend and colleague, bassist, Richard Sadler).

It is also the third year of my blog and this year a lot of things have clicked. I have loved the engagement with followers and other brands, and collaborations and friendships it has led to.

Through my blog many people ask about my journey, so in case you don’t know, and are interested, here is an abridged version:

My childhood (I’m an only child) was unequivocally happy but the choices I made, were safe family pleasers (I have two Physics degrees and pursued a career in research, science publishing and journalism for a number of years) which is weird because I knew from the age of 7, I wanted to be a singer and songwriter, writing my first song at 12.

October 2001 was a pivotal month in my life. My father was hospitalized due to a negligent operation and in a matter of hours my life was changed irreparably. My father never returned home and died in 2004.

It never occurred to me that something so traumatic would befall my family. My eyes were open to a darkness I had never contemplated. And if I could save anyone from this kind of sorrow I would.

I was desperate in my need to find something positive because I was drowning.

Life is as wonderful as it is cruel and my children though they were toddlers, were my saviours. I had to get out of bed in the morning for them; and to escape mentally from my father’s deterioration I rediscovered my compulsion and passion for singing and writing.

I think this is why sharing joy is at the core of everything I do and as I look back on this year – there has been plenty of joy.

What I saw with my father created a latent urgency in me – to do everything I want to before it’s too late and before I got too old...I’m not sure why or how but, this year, I have learned to savour what I am doing and enjoy the processes I find myself in – because I can’t live without creativity and nor do I want to.

I have finally realised I don’t have to rush anything and age is not factor.

2017 has been my most consistent year in settling into who I am as a creative and that - puts a big smile on my face.How was 2017 for you? I'd love to know...Creativity is contagious - pass it on – Albert Einstein.

He Drives Me Crazy - My brand new video!

My brand new video is out now! It's for my cover of The Fine Young Cannibals classic She Drives Me Crazy. Come have a look...We wanted to keep the whole theme very 80's - not just musically but with the fashion and video style as well - I hope you like it, please do let me know what you think!

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An exciting musical announcement...

I'm very excited to announce that I have a brand new musical project on the way!

I've been recording an album of covers of songs ranging from 1978-88 with a wonderful band of exceptionally talented musicians. I can't wait to share it with you.

Check out my vlog for more info...

The gift of good teaching

So, on Friday I was rehearsing for my recording sessions later this month for my covers album. I managed to organise some studio time and some one to one teaching with Jenny May (expressivevoice.co.uk), my current vocal coach.

Jenny to me is an example of an incredible teacher. And I have been lucky enough to have a few. Having sung professionally for many years, I thought I had a pretty good handle on my voice and what I could do, and then I had a lesson with Jenny.

Her knowledge is incredibly extensive. After assessing where you are vocally, Jenny gets you to hit notes and achieve tone you didn’t know you could. She finds the exact exercises and techniques that work for your voice and teaches you to use these skills in a totally authentic way for you as an artist, enabling you to take your performance to where you want it to go.

Needless to say I am always on a total high after my sessions with Jenny and Friday was no exception. This got me thinking about the other vocal coaches I have had as an adult, and how grateful I am to them for the generosity with which they give their knowledge.

Before Jenny, I worked with Susan Blair, who is technically amazing. I met Susan when I started my foray into pop. Her CV of clients like Jenny’s is crazily impressive.

Before that Mark Hayden. An opera singer in his day, his methods were very traditional and he did make me sing opera; something I hadn’t done since school, but the richness of tone he managed to get me to access was something. Mark sadly passed away a number of years ago – he was a wonderful man.

And when I decided to get back to singing Jazz after I had my kids, I found Karen Lane and Anita Wardell. Both great jazz singers and vocal coaches.

I am a firm believer that people come into your life for a reason - good or bad - and I found these teachers at exactly the time I needed them and my experiences with all of them were positive and unique.

The thing they all have in common is not musicianship, or what they have studied - it is they truly love to teach.

And this is where I fall down a little. I love helping people - full stop. It doesn’t have to be musically or vocally related, but it can be. Friends who are singers will sometimes ask for pointers and I happily suggest exercises and different approaches.

But I would much rather just help, give advice as a friend; and as a singer I would rather be writing, exploring, performing or recording…that intangible passion a true teacher has is just not in me, not to the same extent.

I have been reminded recently that the more you learn, the more there is to learn. And I love to learn. Maybe one day I will be ready to impart knowledge, but I don't think I'm there yet. But never say never...      

My top ten favourite male vocalists of all time

On Tuesday, I posted my top ten favourite female vocalists of all time.

All week, I have been thinking about this "male" list and interestingly it has been a much harder list to compile.

I think maybe because I listen to male and female singers in very different ways. I certainly wouldn't compare myself to anyone on my top ten female singers list but if they sing a song in a similar key to me, I do tap into their sound colours and vocal delivery in a way that I just wouldn't if I were listening to a male singer. If nothing else, for me as a singer it is a great learning tool to adapt and recreate sounds and textures that a female singer I revere uses. Often, I can't do this in the same way when listening to a male singer, unless they sing in a register similar to me.

I have also realised that I find it harder to separate out the performer  from the voice when it comes to a male singer and I have no idea why. I had hoped that as I type it would come to me, but no.So here they are, in no particular order:

Tom Waits:

Johnny Cash:

Stevie Wonder:

Freddie Mercury:

Prince:

Michael Jackson:

Otis Redding:

Jeff Buckley:

Bruno Mars: 

Adam Lambert: 

Now this is a pretty formidable list. Amazing, gorgeous voices - with depth, range and richness. But I could pretty much do another list and on it would be: Leonard Cohen, Smokey Robinson, James Taylor, Bob Dylan, Chet Baker, Billy Joel, Elvis Presley and Corey Taylor.

I do find this list thing very hard, maybe it is committing it to writing that I find difficult?! Anyway, maybe I'll do a "Part Two" sometime.

You were kind enough to share your thoughts on the female singers list, let me know if you agree with my choices or not. Who would be on your list?

Why lyrics are important to me

Years ago I was lucky enough to attend a songwriting workshop run by a respected, eminent songwriter from Nashville called Ralph Murphy. Among the many pearls of wisdom we were told that day, one really really resonated with me, he said

“When you hear a song, the music draws the listener in, but the lyrics keep them there.”

Lyrics written to a great melody and arrangement can create something very tangible that we all connect with. And though the feelings lyrics evoked may be different for different people; one phrase can unlock a tidal wave of emotion, in which you are caught for the duration of that song.

Don’t get me wrong I love instrumental music too. There is beauty in wordless compositions that make feelings rise up inside you. But to me, instrumental music takes you on a different journey one that is more visual, cinematic, perhaps?

As a singer, I view lyrics as my secret weapons. I can tell you things, invite you to connect with me. Through a song I can show you a piece of myself. I can be vulnerable or disarming because I choose to, or because the lyric of the song compels me to. Each time I sing for you, we go on a journey and sometimes the energy we exchange is truly magical. It’s literally like poetry in motion, or in music.

In my recent post, “So what does music mean to you?” I said

“One song has the power to undo all that work you have done on a broken heart. You can be a million miles away and remember someone or something from your past, and smile and feel like it has only just happened.”

There are songs I still can’t listen to because the emotions they reveal are still so raw, they remind me of something or someone I hoped I had forgotten.

I know several musicians who will be rolling their eyes. The number of times, instrumentalists, whom I love, will say rather flippantly that the lyrics aren’t really necessary to the song, or I sing them something and say, “Don’t you think that’s beautiful?” And they respond by saying they weren’t really listening to the words but the melody was lovely…not all instrumentalists of course, but definitely some…although I’m not going to name and shame here!

So what about you? Do you mindlessly sing along to songs, or are lyrics and the story they tell you important to you too? Do you have a favourite lyric, if so, please tell me, I’d love to know.

I am not a fan of "favourites" but here are some lyrics I love from an artist I revere:

Pink: Glitter in the air:

And it's only half past the point of no return

The tip of the iceberg

The sun before the burn

The thunder before the lightning

Breath before the phrase

Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?

You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone

Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?

Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

Learning to love your voice

 It occurred to me the other day that I have been, of late, learning to love my voice, enjoy it even… rather than wanting to sound like someone I revered (whom I was never going to sound like).

If you were to ask me who I would like to sound like today I’d probably say Pink. Clearly, I don’t sound like Pink. The vocal gutsiness and edginess is so natural to her.

When I was very young, it was Judy Garland. I was drawn into the world of musical theatre, the spectacle and fantasy was so appealing. Judy Garland was a belter, like Barbra Streisand and Aretha. The command in their voices, the richness of tone and power. When they do it, it sounds effortless. And that is the mark of true mastery. Making something look like it just happens. And when they open their mouths, well, sometimes we aren’t prepared for the wonder that comes out.

For ages I couldn’t work out how to create that belting sound. So whilst I loved to sing and perform, I was constantly setting myself up for a fall. I’m just not a natural belter. I didn’t know how to produce the power and my body wasn’t hard-wired to do it.

I have since realised with technique I can do it. And have surprised myself, and a few others with what comes out. In a good way, by the way. My current favourite to let rip on is, “Who’s Lovin’ you?” by the Jackson 5.

I have also learned that build and physique comes into it, how you were trained at the beginning of your singing life. Sometimes what you do instinctively is your true sound; and at the core, my voice is sweet. Sweet, with a lot of clarity. And I used to hate that.

I realise now though, that instead of fighting against nature, the best comes when I work with it. Let it do its thing. After all, that’s what I really admire in other singers. How they use their instrument naturally and deliver an authentic performance.

For me, it’s all about the story, the lyrics and emotion and if I am truly in the middle of it, my voice will do the rest. Of course I practise, explore and experiment.

But, every fantastic singing teacher I have ever had has told me to work hard but shut the door on the technique when I perform - and just sing.

Sometimes, we can torture ourselves because we are not what we want to be. We forget to see the gift we have been given and appreciate and nurture it.

When I was in the studio recently, my producer (who happens to be good friend) and I had a bit of an argument. In fact, we were severely pissing each other off. I felt I was giving the performance I needed to give and he told me he wasn’t feeling it. Ouch. I mean seriously ouch.

It could said I then unleashed a hybrid of a spoilt child and stroppy diva… Anyway, we were snapping at each other and I felt he was being down right mean. And then he said to me, “Focus, you don’t need this make-up for your voice, just be you.”

I was so taken back because it was so out of the blue and a really lovely thing to say. My brain didn’t have time to compute. So I sang. And it was pretty much a perfect take.

He then told me he had upset me on purpose to get the performance out of me, because he knew which buttons to press… Not sure I believe that!

So, one of my least favourite questions used to be “Who do you sound like? Names, used to fly through my head…people I wanted to sound like, people I didn’t, people I ought to associate myself with, given genre and style.

I don’t what’s happened, maybe I finally getting comfortable with my voice; nowadays, I say you could come to hear me sing and decide for yourself. I sound like Parry Ray. 

https://soundcloud.com/parry-ray-official/slow-burn?in=parry-ray-official/sets/parry-ray-sampler    

Artists that divide us: Part 1

The "Backyard Sessions" took place earlier this summer when Miley brought her band together to perform some of her favorite songs. The last in the series is "Jolene". Checkout the NEW MileyCyrus.com for more!

If I had a pound for every time a musician said to me, “I would never go out with a singer, they’re crazy,” I would be eating out a bit more than I do. There is no getting away from the fact that singers are funny creatures. I feel I can say this, because I am one.

As a singer, I think we all want to make our mark with enough originality to set us apart – so our voice, intention and creativity can truly be heard. But I guess the trick lies in having enough appeal to reach the masses.

There are artists who are “universally” liked, and cut seamlessly across genres. I don’t know many people who don’t like Freddie Mercury, Prince or, more recently, Bruno Mars and Adam Lambert.

But then there are the contentious ones. The ones who are purposefully provocative and antagonistic.

Somebody who has sparked a lot of discussion in my house is Miley Cyrus. And please don’t judge me but I have come round to her. The reality is I don’t know what Miley is like, but the girl can sing.

Last year, I went to see Dolly Parton at the O2 and what a master class in professionalism that was. Whilst I was floating on the Dolly cloud, I decided to research some of her songs and who had covered them. This led me to Miley Cyrus - the Backyard Sessions, I clicked on Jolene and it was great. Take a look for yourself:

As my 17 year daughter, very succinctly said the other day, “So what if she does ridiculous things. Just because you’re a bit slutty or vulgar, it doesn’t make you a horrible person or a bad singer.”

I can’t argue with that.

I guess there is a separate issue of the example being set…do artists have a responsibility to their fans? Or should they experiment and be true to whatever they are feeling at the time?

Does creativity allow us to behave however we choose? What do you think? I think I feel another post coming on…And which artists do you love or hate?

Losing my father, led to my reinvention

Everyone has a story, a pivotal life changing moment. I have a few actually - life, it would seem, keeps slapping me in the face to ensure I get the message. But of those moments there are none more relevant to my life as a musician than this one…

On October 18th 2001, my father suffered serious complications from what should have been a routine back operation. When he woke, after four days and five subsequent operations, he could no longer walk, talk or see. My world had been utterly decimated.

A few long months later I rediscovered my voice – which, it turned out, would be my salvation.

At the risk of sounding like a contestant on a reality show, I always knew that I wanted to sing. I have always found the emotion in music compelling, intoxicating even. That beautiful partnership of melody and lyrics can take me anywhere and evoke latent memories of a different time. But despite playing the piano from the age of 4, guitar from 11 and singing since the age of 7, the goal of being a professional singer had constantly been shelved. My mother, who recognised my love for music at an early age, was reticent. Possibly because, aged 16, I came home with a blond haired, blue eyed, saxophone playing 24 year old boyfriend! But also because perhaps she considered music too unstable a career choice. “You’ll end up in the gutter” she would say, and I used to think, but that’s where the fun’s happening.

So after two Physics degrees and a few jobs in science and business publishing, life accelerated. I got married and had two beautiful children. Many would say that that was enough. But for me not singing turned out to be my biggest regret and my dissatisfaction was growing by the day.

By the end of 2001, my father was in still in hospital (he never came home). He died on 29 February 2004. My mother's heart was broken, she was becoming reclusive and I had a 3 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. That is when I enrolled in a jazz singing class where for two hours a week I was in paradise. My technique was pretty ropey but my teacher convinced me that this was something I could peruse professionally.

I went to some open mic sessions, met some amazing musicians and cut a demo to see if I could get work. It turned out that I could - perhaps not in the most salubrious of locations, but I really didn't care. One of my greatest faults is that I don't always think things through. I favour the “fly by the seat of your pants” approach to life, which sometimes is a curse, but in this case I think it was a blessing. I was literally living my dream, and if I had thought of the practicalities perhaps I would have packed it all in. Slowly both the gigs and my voice got better. I realised I had to put in some serious graft on my technique and repertoire, but to call it work would be fraudulent. Singing isn't work to me - it’s my passion and my compulsion.

Throughout this journey, my kids (now 16 and 17) have been my greatest support. When I doubt myself, they get lippy and arsy in a way only teenagers can. They propel me forward with crazy energy. They tell me to live my dream, because that's what I tell them to do. They tell me that there are no shortcuts, because that’s what I tell them that too. And when I’m exhausted they fold washing, they empty the dishwasher and they make cups of tea.

Life as a singer is crazy, busy and not always straightforward, but there is nothing I’d rather do. Ever. And I feel like I’m just getting started. Losing my father was unbearable, he was kind and warm and gentle and it was one of those things that I thought could never happen to me. But the silver lining was the rediscovery of my voice. Now I get to sing and write every day, I get to be part of a family full of talented musicians and songwriters and I'm pretty sure my dad is smiling down at me, whilst kicking up a storm in heaven.