The mind-body-soul connection. Non negotiable to my craft as a singer. I love the feedback my body and emotions give me whenever I sing. But it seems somehow I lost sight of this connection in “normal” life and was thrown into a tailspin at the end of last year when I woke one morning covered in angry, sore, stinging, itchy hives - so painful on the soles of my feet that I was unable to walk.
What was initially diagnosed as an allergic reaction was investigated further, and re-diagnosed as a severe stress response. I have to tell you I wasn’t impressed with myself - really bad timing as I was incredibly busy and it was just before Christmas.
But this three way connection we all have, is damned clever. I wrote a post about my 2019, which I suppose was a little full on; and as it turns out I was repeatedly ignoring emotional and energetic markers all year, so by the end of the year my body just took control and screamed for me to stop - and I came to a screeching halt.
For the most part we all keep going, life is always busy right? But over the last six weeks I have had to radically change the way I do things. I have been teaching myself to work smarter, which often means shorter working sessions - very odd as I’m preparing for gigs and I like to work for hours on end, I have been cancelling nights out if I’m too tired and getting to bed super early, and just paring down what I do in a day - I have realised I have no choice. And I have read more and watched more movies in the last month than I did in the whole of 2019.
When I was little, a family mantra was, “if you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything”. This has always been at the forefront of my mind - for everyone else, but not for me. It’s not conceit that made me feel immune, but naivety. Ironically, my immune system needs a lot of TLC.
This body, mind and soul trinity of mine is pushing me (maybe my ego?) out of my own way. As I said goodbye to 2019 and hello to the new decade I felt utterly dejected that my skin was so unsightly but apart from the skin deep superficialities; on a deeper level I felt depleted and without any reserves to draw on. So I continue to adjust to a new way of being and am slowly feeling better and stronger.
A little digression on skin issues. I thought I had put my skin problems to bed. Those of you who have followed me for a while will know I have written a few pieces about skin as I suffered with chronic eczema as a child and a teenager. Skin diseases and rashes are sadly not always just skin deep. They can be hugely debilitating, insidious and an indication of something more. They can make you feel really ill and low and have a knock on effect on your self-esteem and self-confidence. When I was young there wasn’t the spotlight on mental and emotional health, or if there was I was not aware of it, but I am finally learning to be kinder and gentler to myself and put my mental, emotional and physical health front and centre.
And while I get a little scared when the rash flares up again as it has done a few times over the last few weeks, I can’t help but be thankful as it is an extremely efficient barometer of my body warning me, taking charge and enforcing what I, as a whole being, need.