Like the vast majority of us, I am spending most of my time with myself. Lockdown is not as arduous for me, as for some of us - something I am thankful for.
I am pretty comfortable on my own, don’t bore easily - and have joked with a few friends that life is really rather busy at the moment with working from home, meditating, online zoom classes, chatting to friends and family, my daily walk and the usual cooking and cleaning,
I have found that in carving out a new housebound structure, thoughts of what my life purpose is, have been bubbling to the surface. This, and the inner calling of what I can offer and give to the world at large, not just those close to me.
And as coronavirus engulfs every corner of our world; for the first time in a long time, I wish I had heeded the cultural call of my motherland and read medicine at University, because then I could really help. But we have to work with what we’ve got, and life experience has taught me that whatever you do, whatever your circle, however great your reach - in terms of family, friends or followers - life purpose is about your personal influence - how we affect people.
In fact, it reminds me of a book I read when my kids were babies. I think the book was called “Toddler Taming” and in it, was a sentence that hit me like a truck and has stayed with me since. It was something like: “you hypnotise your children every day, and it is up to you, how you choose to hypnotise them.”
As a mother, I made it my life mission to inject my kids with an internal, unwavering belief and a positive spin wherever possible. I tried never to tell them off by saying, “they were bad”, instead choosing to say, “they did a bad thing”. Not sure I got this right all the time - you’d have to ask my kids.
But that sentence resonated in a really profound way for me. I took it to heart, so if I had the opportunity to bring joy, however small and inconsequential to anyone I met, I took it. If I could affect a positive change for someone that crossed my path then I would. Then I realised, that’s how I had always wanted to be; maybe that was my life purpose?
When I was younger, much younger, I am talking 6 or 7, life was a no brainer for me - I knew unequivocally I wanted to be a singer-songwriter - and to express myself through connecting with people. Radiating emotion was what I was born to do. But life took its share of twists and turns and for a while life purpose became synonymous with achievement. I didn’t see that the lines were becoming blurred. But circumstance kept reminding me - whatever I chose to do, or whatever happiness or heartache presented itself in my world - what I felt, how I shared it, and finding a silver lining underpinned everything.
Contrary to popular belief I am not happy all the time, nor am I lovely all the time. Life is not a comparative study so I can’t say if the sadnesses and darkness I have experienced are better or worse than yours, but I am 51 so I have lived a share of ups and downs. And at times, even I'm surprised at the lightning speed at which I process emotions sometimes, and flip my mood. I will always find the joy even if it is buried under a pile of metaphorical rubble.
Sometimes I am asked how my social media can look so happy and positive. It’s not fake - it’s how and who I am. If I grieve, get angry or upset, I do it in private. And frustratingly I am not superhuman so I do ask for help sometimes. But I do believe my life purpose is all about emotion and joy. Above all, I want to leave people feeling happier, more uplifted and positive than when we met.
And what I will say about this time we are going through is this; many people have talked about going back to normal at some point. I don’t believe in going backwards, and what we knew as normal had to change - nature, the universe, whatever you want to call it, has spoken.
There are things I can’t explain, justify or put a positive spin on, namely so much suffering, and so many deaths. The grief, the fear, the worry, the sorrow - it is all valid. But I do strongly feel we are stepping into a new world. And I do hope that as a collective we come through as a more thoughtful, compassionate, caring, loving race for ourselves as individuals, each other and the world in which we live, and that - will be a thing of joy.