Why lyrics are important to me

Years ago I was lucky enough to attend a songwriting workshop run by a respected, eminent songwriter from Nashville called Ralph Murphy. Among the many pearls of wisdom we were told that day, one really really resonated with me, he said

“When you hear a song, the music draws the listener in, but the lyrics keep them there.”

Lyrics written to a great melody and arrangement can create something very tangible that we all connect with. And though the feelings lyrics evoked may be different for different people; one phrase can unlock a tidal wave of emotion, in which you are caught for the duration of that song.

Don’t get me wrong I love instrumental music too. There is beauty in wordless compositions that make feelings rise up inside you. But to me, instrumental music takes you on a different journey one that is more visual, cinematic, perhaps?

As a singer, I view lyrics as my secret weapons. I can tell you things, invite you to connect with me. Through a song I can show you a piece of myself. I can be vulnerable or disarming because I choose to, or because the lyric of the song compels me to. Each time I sing for you, we go on a journey and sometimes the energy we exchange is truly magical. It’s literally like poetry in motion, or in music.

In my recent post, “So what does music mean to you?” I said

“One song has the power to undo all that work you have done on a broken heart. You can be a million miles away and remember someone or something from your past, and smile and feel like it has only just happened.”

There are songs I still can’t listen to because the emotions they reveal are still so raw, they remind me of something or someone I hoped I had forgotten.

I know several musicians who will be rolling their eyes. The number of times, instrumentalists, whom I love, will say rather flippantly that the lyrics aren’t really necessary to the song, or I sing them something and say, “Don’t you think that’s beautiful?” And they respond by saying they weren’t really listening to the words but the melody was lovely…not all instrumentalists of course, but definitely some…although I’m not going to name and shame here!

So what about you? Do you mindlessly sing along to songs, or are lyrics and the story they tell you important to you too? Do you have a favourite lyric, if so, please tell me, I’d love to know.

I am not a fan of "favourites" but here are some lyrics I love from an artist I revere:

Pink: Glitter in the air:

And it's only half past the point of no return

The tip of the iceberg

The sun before the burn

The thunder before the lightning

Breath before the phrase

Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?

You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone

Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?

Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

Beliefs – Friend or foe? What do you believe?

There is a proverb that has been imprinted on my brain since I was a child. Very loosely translated from Bengali, it is

"However much you laugh is how much you’ll cry."

The phrase sounds beautiful in Bengali but has always struck me as such an odd thing to say. When I was growing up, it was sometimes used by my mother as a warning.

Even if I employ my rational brain and think about Newton's 3rd law - every action has an equal and opposite reaction - I still don’t understand why we would be told not to have too much fun. In case something bad happens? That seems fearful.

This got me thinking about the things we are told and the weight of a belief. Beliefs can empower or decimate instantly, often in quite a surreptitious way. For example, my family is huge and, for the most part, very traditional. Whilst there was great love in our home, there was not a lot of praise. It was frowned upon, the belief was that it would breed arrogance. Humility was the way to go, and whilst I agree that it is a wonderful quality, the things that people say (and how they say them) can stay with you forever. When I was a teenager I was told quite forcefully once that I was a failure. The whys and wherefores aren’t relevant here, but it has stayed with me forever.

There are always people in our lives, often those closest to us, whose words matter, whose beliefs we take as gospel. This is wonderful if the beliefs raise us up, not if they put you down. For many people, beliefs are linked to religion, which, combined with tradition and culture, was heavily intertwined in the way I was brought up. Despite my relationship with God being very up and down, I respect all religions and faith (as long as they do no harm). I do believe there is something more than flesh and bone. I believe in the soul and inexplicable connections. I believe there is more.

And I have to say: I don’t believe that "God" or any kind of higher order that would want us to have a detrimental effect on people or to put a negative spin on happiness and laughter.

I have always been accepting of life's ups and downs, I am prepared to take the rough spots if I can have the moments of euphoria. In fact I believe that the way we deal with low points and challenges in life is what defines us. So I’m going to keep laughing and being happy, and if that has to be balanced with sadness then I am prepared to shed the odd tear.

How about you? What do you believe? Do your beliefs empower you, or are building yourself up after falling prey to unfounded beliefs?

My first real introduction to Flamenco music

I very rarely go out on Sundays. However, last Sunday I made an exception. A mate had tickets to Iberian Nights Eclectica: Flamenco Sounds featuring Rocio Márquez at the Globe Theatre on the South Bank, in London.

(Singer, Rocio Márquez)

To be honest, I was exhausted. It was my daughter’s birthday party the night before and I was fighting some kind of virus (which I am still fighting).However, to say I am delighted I went is a massive understatement. And as a singer/songwriter, I love experiencing music as a listener as well as a performer and one of my bugbears is, with general juggling of life, I don’t experience enough live music these days.

Anyway, back to the concert. I will keep this short, as my knowledge of Flamenco music is minimal. The concert was held in the Sam Wanamaker Playhouse, which is the Globe’s candlelit indoor theatre. It is absolutely stunning and an incredible setting in which to enjoy a performance.

(The Sam Wanamaker Playhouse, the Globe’s candlelit indoor theatre)

Singer, Rocío Márquez, was accompanied by Miguel Ángel Cortés, who was stupendous on guitar and the rhythms were provided by the duo Los Mellis, two rather attractive twin brothers, who were also great.

I didn’t really know how I was going to interact with the music, not being a Flamenco aficionado. I know it is a form of Spanish folk music from southern Spain. It includes singing, guitar playing, sometimes baile (dance) and jaleo, which refers to the vocalizations and rhythmic sounds of palmas (handclapping) and pitos (finger snapping).

I was drawn in within seconds. And there really aren’t enough superlatives to describe the performance and the emotion that was communicated to me. It was passionate, tender, dramatic, intricate, precise and totally mesmerising. Also, bear in mind I speak about two phrases of Spanish, but my lack of understanding did not inhibit my enjoyment at all – and I guess that is the magic of great music.

I think this concert was a one off, but remember the names, because if they are performing near you, I urge you to get tickets.Oh one more thing. The performers and some audience members who knew, spontaneously shouted “Ole” at appropriate moments. I realised that this exclamation was a shout of approval and enthusiasm - and I may be adopting this in everyday life…Sadly, couldn’t find a clip of the whole ensemble. But here are Rocio Márquez Miguel Ángel Cortés and doing their thing.

Teenage kicks part 2: Partying

Carnage. This is the word most frequently used to describe teenage parties in SW London. Although I’m sure it’s not just restricted to SW London.

I have heard many horror stories. Furniture being broken, projectile vomiting, bathrooms left in a disgusting unusable state, teenagers so high on something they are uncontrollable, comatose guests whose parents need to be called, or worse an ambulance and so the list goes on.

So, it won’t surprise you that it was with some trepidation that we made plans for a joint 18th for my daughter and one of her best mates.

The benefit of having an 18th later in the school year is that you can learn from other people’s experience and most of the kids invited are 18 and so are theoretically better at dealing with the alcohol fuelled frivolities.

So we had the party on Saturday. And I am relieved to tell you we survived and the word on the street is it was great. Phew!

The parental goals were very simple. Firstly, that the birthday girls have a wonderful celebration and secondly to avert any dramas or disasters. So vigilance was key and yes, 4 parents were at this party, sober for over 6 hours. I mean, who wouldn’t want to spend a Saturday night that way?!

The only real roles you have in this scenario are financial and sorting out problems. Basically you have to be as invisible as possible until they need you. Then you swoop in and out as quickly and effectively as possible.

So this is what I can tell you. The girls planned an awesome party and this is what worked for us: 

1. A good theme for decorations and fancy dress – The girls chose “Under the Sea”. People came as sharks, dolphins and there was a lot of beachwear.

2. A venue, used to the drunk and disorderly - we booked a local rugby club.

3. Security guards, ID checks and a guest list. If your name is not on the list, you’re not coming in.

4. Good DJ/playlist – the girls spend a long time compiling the music. It was hit and the dance floor was packed all night.

5. Food. The girls were ambivalent but myself and the other mother were insistent. So at about 10.30pm we brought out pizza and cupcakes – which went down very well.

6. Luck – I don’t underestimate this. We prepared for everything we could think of but you never how things will actually turn out.

 I can’t tell you how grateful I am to everybody concerned for how well it went. Security guards, bar staff, venue organizers – everyone was fantastic.

And also, teenagers can get a bad rap; but they were well mannered and polite. And some were extremely entertaining.

And yes, I was invisible-ish for most of the night. But I did heavily negotiate for dancing privileges and was told I could dance to two songs…and I made the most of it.

So we were lucky to come out with a positive view on the madness of teenage parties. What are your experiences?  

How do you justify the cost of clothes in that “I just have to have it” moment?

Picture this – you’re out shopping with your mates and you see a piece of clothing in your peripheral vision, you make a bee-line for it – touch it, hold it up to you and check the price tag. You’re thinking, “I’ll just try it on to satisfy my curiosity”. This is fatal, especially if you have chosen well and it fits like it was made for you. Your mates, the shop assistant all chorus, “You look so good in that, you have to have it.”

At this moment, maybe like me you turn into a fashion schizophrenic. One part of my brain is telling me I don’t need this (let’s say for instance) dress. I begin mentally scouring my wardrobe for something similar. I have had to cultivate this habit. My default position is “I love this, it’s so versatile, I can dress it up and dress it down, it’ll never date…” and so it goes on. I have already bought it, paying is merely a formality.

I used to be a true clothes shopping addict – no justifications, impulse buys, coming home with something very similar to another thing I have already and feeling slightly peer pressured into buying something slightly out of my budget and sticking it on my credit card.

Nowadays, I am more discerning. Generally if I find something I love that’s expensive I will look on the high street for something similar. A case in point is this gorgeous Zara green silk shirt I bought a few weeks ago.

Photo taken from Zara.com

It is £39.99 as opposed to a Raquel Allegra one (which isn’t silk) around at the moment, retailing at £318 – which also looks lovely. The problem with "high street" brands these days though is the prices have been steadily creeping up and so aren't always the cheap option. I saw a couple of dresses on the Topshop site for £600 yesterday. Not what I expected, but price point may be another blog post.

So my justification list is broadly this:

1. Fabric. This is really important to me. Silk and cotton always win, I struggle to pay a lot for polyester.

2. Workmanship/lining. I know a few amazing seamstresses and used to make clothes myself when I was a teenager, so finishing off a piece of clothing well is vital.

3. Is it going to stand the test of time? I will admit I have a lot of clothes, but I still pull out things I bought ten years ago and they haven’t dated.

4. Do I really love it?

5. Does it fit me perfectly?

I know we all have budgets, and we all go through phases of “being good” and not shopping (this was me in January and February) and then having the odd splurge on something we can’t resist. So, when you see something you love, how do you justify the cost?

PS: Last I tweeted the top picture, a beautiful Dolce and Gabbana dress. Those of you who know me will suspect I succumbed. I did. Old habits die hard; it’s on my credit card…Sssshh!

Overexposure of a song – how a song you love turns into one you turn off

Mark Ronson - Uptown Funk (Official Video) ft. Bruno Mars Follow on Spotify: http://ron.sn/stream/spotify Listen on Apple Music: http://ron.sn/stream/applemusic Listen on Amazon: http://ron.sn/stream/amazon Listen to more music from Mark Ronson here: http://ron.sn/stream Follow Mark Ronson Newsletter: http://ron.sn/join Website: http://markronson.co.uk/ Facebook: https://facebook.com/MarkRonson Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRonson Instagram: https://instagram.com/iamMarkRonson/ #MarkRonson #BrunoMars #UptownFunk #MarkRonsonOfficial #MarkRonsonFtBrunoMars #MarkRonsonEssentials #BrunoMarsUptownFunk #MarkRonsonGreatestHits #BestOfMarkRonson #MarkRonsonFtBrunoMarsUptownFunk #MarkRonsonUptownFunk #UptownFunkOfficialVideo #UptownSpecial Lyrics Doh Doh doh doh, doh doh doh, doh doh Doh doh doh, doh doh doh, doh doh Doh doh doh, doh doh doh, doh doh Doh doh doh, doh duh (Aaaaaaow!)

I had an interesting conversation with my son recently that I wanted to share with you.

We were having a lazy Sunday afternoon and I said, as I do, that we should put something on to dance to. This is never met with reaction I am hoping for…one day I will say this and my kids will leap up and dance with me on the sofas…anyway, I digress.

I carried on by saying this felt like an “Uptown Funk” moment. To which he replied, “Oh no…I’m so over that song.”

I voiced my considerable surprise and said what a great song it is…he was non committal – “Yeah…but it’s everywhere” I was intrigued so I reeled of a few other song titles and got to Stay with me (Sam Smith)…my son rolled his eyes, “Yeah, that one too.”

So this got me thinking; to me, one part of being a really successful artist, is that your music is as far reaching as possible. But if the market is flooded with one particular song, does its’ appeal wane? I suppose there could be a tipping point for a song when it goes from being a fresh sound to a cool sought after track to being everywhere – trailers/ad breaks/on every daytime playlist.

Don’t get me wrong, as an artist who has had a few spot plays here and there I have no concept of this dilemma and I’m thinking it would be a quality problem to have.

When I discover a new song I do tend to overplay it. But I suppose my son has a point, because after a while I leave it alone, or hit skip on my playlist. Too much of a good thing, I guess. I do come back to it in time, because, after all, a great song is a great song.

My kids have gone to another extreme, long gone are the days they share new musical finds with me. Their iTunes libraries are closely guarded secrets…I think they are wary of me getting hold of and overplaying their latest favourites.

So does overexposure of a song turn people off? Does it stop you liking a song you loved a month ago? And are there songs that you never tire of, that are immune to this? Tell me what you think.

And this is a little gratuitous...but I really like it...

Hurtling to exam hell

There are a number of “take your life into your own hands” conversations in this house at the moment, and the biggest bone of contention is revision for impending exams.

Long gone are days when my children came home wanting to show me the mark they got in a test. I vaguely recall being used as a sounding board for a project, or being asked for help to make palm trees out of loo rolls, but that was easily 10 years ago.

And actually I was and still am very happy with this academic independence. I know parents who revise with their children, even beyond GCSEs. I am slightly amazed at how they manage to do this; it wouldn’t work in this house.

The reason things are a bit tetchy is this summer we have the double whammy: my daughter is doing A levels and my son GCSEs.

I have learned over the years that in any relationship stepping back, thinking twice before you speak and waiting to be asked can be invaluable qualities. However, these are not my strengths: especially where my kids are involved.

It’s the lack of control in this scenario that I find so hard. It’s not my “thing” to accomplish.

Not having control is horrible in any relationship and if as parents we are under any illusions that we have a lot of control to start with, we are deluded…but a little bit would be nice. Or just being thrown the odd crumb of reassurance.

I cannot help myself with repeated “Are you sure you’ve finished working? Could you do a bit more?” And I know before I finish the sentence this interaction will not end well.

I guess my biggest fear is history repeating itself. I have come unstuck before with exams and that feeling of inevitable doom is unbearable. Hoping that you ace the exams you don’t deserve to ace. And a parent, I just want to save my children from “doom”.

Right now, I can’t think of a more effective way of getting my message across than lecturing and I know, hearing me say the same thing 6 times in a slightly different way is really annoying.

Here’s the thing. You can’t make anyone do something they don’t want to do. And I know my kids are savvy. I’m sure they are working hard…I also believe, everything works out. We all have our own journey and the capacity to make life work for us. Why is it I can’t adopt this serene approach when I talk to my kids about exams??

So…what are your experiences? And if you know my kids, could you ask them how their revision is going…they are less likely to bite your head off!

My five fav beauty products right now

I am not, as I have said previously, a beauty expert. However, I use products and I know what like. For many years my go-to brands were Dermalogica and Elemis. Both of which, I think are fantastic, but on occasion I have branched out and experimented with new products and if I love them, I stick with them. I also find, and maybe this is just me but sometimes mixing and matching different brands can be very effective.

Now, the products I am highlighting are higher-end products. There are three points I’d like to make here. Firstly, these are a selection of products I personally use; secondly, I am not 17 so my skin needs targeted help sometimes (!). And thirdly, sometimes a product seems like costly but then lasts for ages and produces noticeable results – so might be worth the investment.

So here goes: 

John Masters Organics, Vitamin C Anti-aging Face Serum

I have used this for years now. I love it and though I might have a break, I always come back to it. I know Vitamin C has been hailed for sometime as a key anti-aging ingredient – this really works. It is light, but penetrates your skin and gives instant lasting radiance. 

Balbec Beauty’s Restorative Oil with frankincense & geranium

You may have read my post on Balbec and may be thinking “here she goes again with her cousin’s wife’s brand”. But this is really good. The frankincense is wonderful for aging skin because it stimulates cell regeneration and geranium stimulates the lymph system and also aids with cell regeneration. 

Aurelia’s Cell Revitalise Day Moisturiser

I must be honest, I bought this product because my usual moisturiser was out of stock and I was looking at a few options. I think I plumped for this one because the texture was light but rich if that makes any sense, and the packaging appealed to me. What can I say? Sometimes I am a real girl! Anyway, I am delighted I happened on this brand - I love it. The cream is makes my skin almost immediately radiant and vibrant. 

Nude’s Miracle Mask

This is another product I have used for a while. On their website Nude say it is, “an exfoliating mask that works to brighten and resurface skin”. Yes, a definite yes. I was first sold this by being told that make up artists often use this on models before preparing for a shoot. And whilst I am no model, I would quite like similar results where possible. 

Nars Multi-Protect Primer Broad Spectrum SPF 30

This again is a staple for me. I am quite OCD about sunscreen and paranoid about sun damage. And in general I don’t wear foundation except for special occasions. So I find if I put this primer over my moisturiser I seem to look a little bit more “polished”. It’s light and contains mineral powders to blur fine lines and wrinkles – who doesn’t love a blurred wrinkle? So there you have it some of my favourite products. Tell me about your favourite products and what you think I should try. 

Slow Down to do More; My Search for Balance

I often visualise any given day, as a box - a finite space in which I cram as much as possible. I’m not saying my life is busier than anyone else’s. We all seem to live in a world that has a surreptitious accelerator built into it. Hours, days and weeks fly past and I find myself squeezing as much as I can into my virtual box and sometimes, stuff just spills out. It doesn’t all fit. But I need it to fit, how can I get to fit?

The start of this year has been dream like, but full on. Family life – always busy, work – gratifying but challenging – starting this gorgeous shiny blog, finishing final vocals for my lovely project with guitarist Francesco Lo Castro and meeting the incredible producer Andy Wright and bringing to life a covers concept I have had formulating in my head for a while. Life is in a groove right now.

Despite the fact that I love being busy, I can spiral into a whirlpool of latent stress. My default setting is to push through. Power on: whatever the cost. However the cost is often, my wellbeing and sanity. Couple this with the fact that I am very tough on myself; I am the queen of self-beration, in fact.

So I have found myself, over the last month, actively slowing down on my busiest days, taking breaks and hitting my personal pause button. And whilst slowing down goes against my natural state, I seem to be getting more done. It’s as though all the “stuff” suddenly has its own space and there is room to breathe.

For me this is progress. But balance is a delicate thing and I’m not sure I have mastered the subtleties yet. Sometimes we need to stop. I’m told it’s good for the soul. Last week is a good example:

I was in the studio from Tuesday. Everyday was great. On Thursday, we finished the vocals and the wine came out, so left my car at the studio and taxied it home at 1am. Luckily the next morning I felt fine, but a little bit of guilt crept in when I didn’t have my car to take my son to school. This was something I was meant to do.

Friday there was a gig and party at said studio. I think subconsciously I had allowed myself to let my hair down…and I did. It would be fair to say I was in a world of pain the next day, so all the work I had planned for Saturday was shelved. And then the berating started. I told myself I was wasting the day.

On Saturday we had a surprise dinner for my daughter’s 18th. I’m running on empty at this point, however, it may not surprise you to hear I rallied.

There is no doubt I needed a break. Every day is scheduled to the minute. So why can’t I allow myself to do nothing? Is the balance working hard, playing hard and then having time to be still?

So, briefly to the photo choice for this post. I don’t know why this pops into my head, but there used to be a Cadbury’s Caramel Advert with a bunny. All the animals would rush around her and she would chill out and say, “Take it easy with Cadbury’s Caramel” I know this is not the most Zen-like mantra, but it kinda works for me!

So, how do you balance your day? Are you annoyed when you don’t achieve what you wanted to? What is the difference between wasting a day and just chilling? Where is the balance?

The rules have gone out of the window...

I quite like rules and boundaries and sometimes I enjoy breaking them. But one of the most challenging things about parenting teenagers for me is it is incredibly hard to hold onto to the rules, whatever they may be.

A few friends with older children had warned me this would happen. I smiled sweetly, never thinking it would happen to me. After all, when my children were little, (say, up to the age of 10) things were relatively straightforward.

They had good sleeping routines, set meals times where they ate what they were given and I took them everywhere – school runs, parties, sports fixtures.

And if I said something I would stick to it. My kids are good… but they have missed parties, outings, TV programmes because I said those fateful words, “If you do that again, you are not going to….” In those days it was easy to stick to my guns. And though I didn’t realise it, I was largely in control. I miss those days.

Many of my friends who have younger children, look at me in disbelief, when I tell them parenting gets harder. How much harder can it be than when you’re literally doing everything for your children?

I’m not for one second saying that the first ten years aren’t hard. They are. These times whilst fun and rewarding are exhausting, and relentless.

On the days you get it right, you are so proud of yourself and the days you don’t - you want to crawl into a ball and hide…Anyway, the point is parenting just gets harder. I’m sorry, but it does, in ways you cannot anticipate.

Friends who have children the same age as mine (16 and 18) nod their heads in sympathy when I recount a particular event. Most say, “Yep, been there…”The problem is I can’t decide whether I should be reassured that we are all in the same crazy boat, or whether I should dig my heels in and make a stand.

So, some of my problems are these.

Teenagers are big and quite strong. I can’t pick them up and put them somewhere and know they will stay.

They don’t pre plan, I am told of plans at the last minute. Actually I blame social networking for this. In my day, you spoke to people or phoned them on a landline. Plans were set.

If I ask my teenagers to do something like hang the washing out, or empty the dishwasher, they say, “I’ll do it later”. If I ask them to tidy their rooms, I am told, “I like my room like this.” That wouldn’t fly with my folks.

And my biggest problem is that as children get older, they get more independent. They look like adults on the outside, but can still be quite childlike on the inside.

I don’t mean this in a remotely patronizing way. They are still your babies, just really big, especially the boys. And as a mother of a 16 year-old boy, puberty really is an eye opening experience, even second hand.

Anyway, carrying on. If they want to go out and be back late, there are huge negotiations. In fact, I’m fooled into thinking they are negotiating. Mostly, they have decided and committed on that evening’s itinerary, I’m just being informed.

They think they can walk home at any time of night and be safe. They think it’s fine to go somewhere without leaving details in case of emergency.

And don’t get me started on keeping in touch.

Every parent I know of a teenager has to adapt at lightening speed. But in the days of text/imessage/Whats App/and Facebook – is it really that hard to let me know you have arrived at whathisface’s party??I can no longer say, “If you do A then B will happen” because it simply does not carry the same weight as it used to.

I can no longer enforce meal times because, there is late hockey training, or they are not hungry yet, or they have to go to Costa straightaway because a friend is having an emotional drama.

I write this with some trepidation, I was a much more wayward teenager than my two and their mates. And I know a teenager’s job is to push the boundaries and be those strong, intelligent, assertive people, we bring them up to be.

And maybe it is unreasonable of me, but I miss the days when saying, “Because I said so”, was the end of the conversation.

The rules have gone out of the window. I’m flying by the seat of my pants and am hanging onto what little control I have by the flimsiest threads…can you relate?  

We are all meant to shine

I have throughout my life, struggled with self-esteem. As I small child I was quite shy and reclusive. I had very severe eczema, head to toe, so looked and felt awful for a good 8 years or so, from about 6 years old. When I hit my teenage years, the eczema started to improve and I did everything I could to make up for lost time and the consequences were sometimes quite shocking. I am and always have been drawn to extremes.

My upbringing was wonderful, but praise was never commonplace, so much so that an unfounded seed of insecurity was planted and took hold. There was always someone better, brighter, prettier, more intelligent, and more talented.

Now lots of people who know me well will be raising their eyebrows and rolling their eyes. How is she describing herself as shy or insecure? But we are all very adept at only showing people what we want them to see.

Anyway, a dear friend and mentor of mine recently mentioned the following passage. It is commonly misattributed to Nelson Mandela's 1994 Inaugural Address but actually comes from the book 'A Return To Love' (1992) by Marianne Williamson, an American spiritual teacher, author and lecturer.

It is a beautiful passage and makes me feel empowered in a really humble way, if that makes sense. It is quite religious, but I don’t think that you need to be to take in the sentiment. You may know it already but I wanted to share it with you, because sometimes reiteration is a lovely thing: "...Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Learning to love your voice

 It occurred to me the other day that I have been, of late, learning to love my voice, enjoy it even… rather than wanting to sound like someone I revered (whom I was never going to sound like).

If you were to ask me who I would like to sound like today I’d probably say Pink. Clearly, I don’t sound like Pink. The vocal gutsiness and edginess is so natural to her.

When I was very young, it was Judy Garland. I was drawn into the world of musical theatre, the spectacle and fantasy was so appealing. Judy Garland was a belter, like Barbra Streisand and Aretha. The command in their voices, the richness of tone and power. When they do it, it sounds effortless. And that is the mark of true mastery. Making something look like it just happens. And when they open their mouths, well, sometimes we aren’t prepared for the wonder that comes out.

For ages I couldn’t work out how to create that belting sound. So whilst I loved to sing and perform, I was constantly setting myself up for a fall. I’m just not a natural belter. I didn’t know how to produce the power and my body wasn’t hard-wired to do it.

I have since realised with technique I can do it. And have surprised myself, and a few others with what comes out. In a good way, by the way. My current favourite to let rip on is, “Who’s Lovin’ you?” by the Jackson 5.

I have also learned that build and physique comes into it, how you were trained at the beginning of your singing life. Sometimes what you do instinctively is your true sound; and at the core, my voice is sweet. Sweet, with a lot of clarity. And I used to hate that.

I realise now though, that instead of fighting against nature, the best comes when I work with it. Let it do its thing. After all, that’s what I really admire in other singers. How they use their instrument naturally and deliver an authentic performance.

For me, it’s all about the story, the lyrics and emotion and if I am truly in the middle of it, my voice will do the rest. Of course I practise, explore and experiment.

But, every fantastic singing teacher I have ever had has told me to work hard but shut the door on the technique when I perform - and just sing.

Sometimes, we can torture ourselves because we are not what we want to be. We forget to see the gift we have been given and appreciate and nurture it.

When I was in the studio recently, my producer (who happens to be good friend) and I had a bit of an argument. In fact, we were severely pissing each other off. I felt I was giving the performance I needed to give and he told me he wasn’t feeling it. Ouch. I mean seriously ouch.

It could said I then unleashed a hybrid of a spoilt child and stroppy diva… Anyway, we were snapping at each other and I felt he was being down right mean. And then he said to me, “Focus, you don’t need this make-up for your voice, just be you.”

I was so taken back because it was so out of the blue and a really lovely thing to say. My brain didn’t have time to compute. So I sang. And it was pretty much a perfect take.

He then told me he had upset me on purpose to get the performance out of me, because he knew which buttons to press… Not sure I believe that!

So, one of my least favourite questions used to be “Who do you sound like? Names, used to fly through my head…people I wanted to sound like, people I didn’t, people I ought to associate myself with, given genre and style.

I don’t what’s happened, maybe I finally getting comfortable with my voice; nowadays, I say you could come to hear me sing and decide for yourself. I sound like Parry Ray. 

https://soundcloud.com/parry-ray-official/slow-burn?in=parry-ray-official/sets/parry-ray-sampler    

So what does music mean to you?

This is something I have wanted to write about for sometime and was reminded of this by my lovely colleague/friend Adam, with whom I was chatting the other day.

Music to me is all about communication and connection. As a singer, I want to share a story or experience with you, and take you on a journey with me. And for those maybe three and a half minutes I want to be caught up in the intention of that song.

I’m not saying you always need lyrics. Some of the most powerful music I have experienced has been instrumental. In fact, one of my earliest, lasting memories was as a teenager going to see Yehudi Menuhin and Ravi Shankar with my family. In those days, the fusion of eastern and western instrumentation was not commonplace. This concert was groundbreaking really. It was exhilarating and electrifying - and for a few hours I was immersed in a magical world.

I suppose I love that fantastical quality of music. The escape. Falling down the rabbit hole.

In other ways music can be very potent and real. It has the power to transport you, at lightening speed, back to the most evocative memories. One song has the power to undo all that work you have done on a broken heart. You can be a million miles away and remember someone or something from your past, and smile and feel like it has only just happened. And if the right song comes on at a party, well there is nothing you can do but get on your feet and shake your thing. We all have our own jam, right?

I am lucky to know many wonderful musicians, all of whom, I suppose, want to do well with their music and to be successful - it is our profession after all. But sterilizing music into just a product, manufacturing a particular end result - it feels a little soulless to me. I think you know where I am going with this...I love meeting people who have very different musical tastes to me; I love hearing something new that I really like and broadening my musical horizons.

The other thing I don’t really understand is when you ask some people, and I do know a few, what music they like and they say they don’t really listen to music. I’m not saying this is right or wrong, but it really feels like they are missing out on a world rich with experience and colour.

So, music is… finish the sentence with one word. It’s quite hard.

So I’ll make it easier, what does music mean to you? 

Toddlers versus Teenagers – Part 1: tantrums

When I think of writing anything linked to parenting I think of small children. Then I go to make a cup of tea and invariably see an adult-sized child lolloping in the kitchen. And maybe as my eldest turns 18 in a week, I’ve been thinking about whether the way you raise toddlers and teenagers is that different. And one of the things that come to mind about toddlers is tantrums – and how to contain them, or avoid them completely. Looking back, I was lucky. My children never had terrible twos or threes. I didn’t have to vacate a café or a shop with child tucked under my arm screeching and flailing its arms and legs all over the place. Public tantrums weren’t an issue for me. My kids are generally quite savvy, saving the trickiest moments for behind closed doors. She won’t thank me, but my daughter (the nearly 18 year old one) excelled at private tantrums. The worst was her extreme OCD for all things symmetrical. Laces on shoes had to tied the same way. The loops and hanging ends must be of the same length and size. Plaits or bunches had to be at the same height on her head or she would pull them out and start crying…I remember flipping between exasperation and just laughing at her. And the only thing my son did was insisting on going to the supermarket as Spiderman. I found this very hard initially, as I had always vowed pre-children that ‘I would never be one of those mothers’. Well turned out I was… and quite frankly I diverted any potential tantrum and got the shopping done, so anything for a quiet life. And the one thing I have learned is you have to pick your battles. I do not claim to be an expert on parenting. I’m just a parent. But retaining the balance of power or control is, I think, the way to go, along with never backing down. I used to find this easier the younger my children were. Saying ‘if you do this - that will happen’ was a relative breeze in years 1-7. It got, and continues to get, trickier to stand my ground. Teenagers, unsurprisingly, are more sophisticated. A teenager’s tantrum arsenal comprises: grumpiness, insolence, rudeness, backchat, the cold shoulder and coming home late. The last one is my least favourite as it fills me with unbelievable worry. Long gone are the days when a child kicks off, I can pick him or her up and put them in their room. My son is 70kgs of muscle, there is no way I am moving him anywhere. Teenagers are less malleable. And a DVD for half and hour is not going to appease them. So what to do? Teenage tantrums can quickly turn into a heated argument, where you both end up saying something you regret. So I guess whilst as a parent you are so angry inside, the trick is to be calm and clear on the outside. Well that’s the theory anyway. Let me know if you can actually do this!

I guess tantrums are fundamentally about having your own way and who doesn't want their own way? To be honest, if I could get away with throwing the odd tantrum, I probably would…what about you?

Teenage kicks part 1: Dating

I’m jumping straight in here:

How do you deal with your teenager having a boyfriend/girlfriend? In this house we are gender stereotypes. I’ve been quite chilled about my 18 year old having a boyfriend. Her father however was hyperventilating at the beginning. Although, he has to admit the boyfriend is… well, he's someone you can happily take home and introduce to your parents. The thought, however, of my son dating anyone fills me with dread. He will be 17 this year, but he is still my baby in my head. I am completely irrational about this, and it is truly pathetic. So dating goes hand in hand with the party scene, in my experience. Neither of my kids started partying or socialising with people beyond their core group of friends till they hit 16. Then the social diary exploded. I think I had lulled myself into a false sense of security and thought that we were over the tricky years. But the full force of parties, drinking, boyfriends/girlfriends and negotiating pick up times hit us hard and life got tricky. More on this in another post I think. I know a lot of children start socialising early, sometimes from 12/13. I’m not saying that’s right or wrong, personally I feel there are pros and cons to both early and late socialisers. My view on boyfriends is very different to my mother’s. She wouldn’t let my boyfriends in the house and often ignored their existence. I, however, choose to be supportive and like them, until they give me reason not to. Maybe I should consider the same approach to any of my son’s girlfriends who may turn up in the future. Of course, I think my parenting choice is the right one (!) but would I be so magnanimous if my daughter were 13? The 20 million dollar question is, of course, how old would your child need to be before you let their boyfriend/girlfriend stay the night? Does it make a difference if it is your son as opposed to your daughter? Does it make a difference if they have been together for a few months? I know a lot of people are divided on this one, and so many of my mates have differing views from my own. So I think soliciting as much advice as possible is a good way to go. What do you think? Impart your wisdom please ;-)

Artists that divide us: Part 1

The "Backyard Sessions" took place earlier this summer when Miley brought her band together to perform some of her favorite songs. The last in the series is "Jolene". Checkout the NEW MileyCyrus.com for more!

If I had a pound for every time a musician said to me, “I would never go out with a singer, they’re crazy,” I would be eating out a bit more than I do. There is no getting away from the fact that singers are funny creatures. I feel I can say this, because I am one.

As a singer, I think we all want to make our mark with enough originality to set us apart – so our voice, intention and creativity can truly be heard. But I guess the trick lies in having enough appeal to reach the masses.

There are artists who are “universally” liked, and cut seamlessly across genres. I don’t know many people who don’t like Freddie Mercury, Prince or, more recently, Bruno Mars and Adam Lambert.

But then there are the contentious ones. The ones who are purposefully provocative and antagonistic.

Somebody who has sparked a lot of discussion in my house is Miley Cyrus. And please don’t judge me but I have come round to her. The reality is I don’t know what Miley is like, but the girl can sing.

Last year, I went to see Dolly Parton at the O2 and what a master class in professionalism that was. Whilst I was floating on the Dolly cloud, I decided to research some of her songs and who had covered them. This led me to Miley Cyrus - the Backyard Sessions, I clicked on Jolene and it was great. Take a look for yourself:

As my 17 year daughter, very succinctly said the other day, “So what if she does ridiculous things. Just because you’re a bit slutty or vulgar, it doesn’t make you a horrible person or a bad singer.”

I can’t argue with that.

I guess there is a separate issue of the example being set…do artists have a responsibility to their fans? Or should they experiment and be true to whatever they are feeling at the time?

Does creativity allow us to behave however we choose? What do you think? I think I feel another post coming on…And which artists do you love or hate?

Being thankful

It is very fitting to have this start my blog, week one. I am so excited to be doing this, and appreciating whatever life gives me and being grateful is really important to me.I have posted this prayer/poem a number of times on my Facebook and Twitter accounts. I always come back to it. I found it quite some time ago trawling on the Internet, looking for inspiration.

It is something that has a wonderfully positive effect on me. It calms me, focuses me and reminds me of what is important.

I am very good at whipping myself into a frenzy; I’d like to be more present than I am sometimes.

My brain has this crazy scatter gun approach to a thousand things at once; it’s compulsive and non-stop. Sometimes for creativity this works really well, but it never allows me to be still. And often, I crave the clarity of stillness.

That’s when stopping, reading something beautiful and, in this case saying thank you, can be quite powerful. I feel like there is a lovely energy that washes over me… I really hope that doesn't sound pretentious.

Anyway, I wanted to post this for you – one of my favourite Gratitude prayers/poems: 

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,

if you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something

for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations

because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge

because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes

they will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary

because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfilment comes to those who are

also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles

and they can become your blessings.

~ Author Unknown ~

Shoes, shoes and more shoes

Shopping is an addiction I enjoy, and dresses and shoes are two of my weaknesses. I think maybe shoes edge it slightly. I will pretty much always start an outfit from the bottom up.

I think Marilyn Monroe said, “Give a girl the right pair of shoes and she can conquer the world.” I’m with Marilyn on this one… perhaps not the world, but certainly your bit of it. A lovely pair of shoes gives you "instant sassy" on your feet.

Anyway, I thought I’d share a few of my favorites that go with pretty much anything, and my most recent footwear purchases, from the Christmas sales.

Firstly, Sam Edelman. Sharkskin Anastasia Kid Suede Shoe. Not crazily expensive for designer shoes and really comfortable. To be honest, these tick so many of my boxes. Shoe boot - check. Comfortable - check. Suede - check. Grey - check. I love all colours but there is something very chic about grey in my opinion. I think these come in black and a burgundy too and are still on sale. For me, these are a "do anything, go anywhere" shoe. The next pair are Vicmatie, an Italian brand who have boots sewn up, as far as I'm concerned. Also, grey, suede, but I promise there is some variety coming! These are probably my most sensible pair of shoes/boots. Sturdy and hard wearing, provided you spray the suede to protect it against the rain. In my head these are basically flat... Now come the two Christmas splurges that I secretly put on my credit card. When a pair of shoes feels and looks good sometimes budgetary constraints go out the window and lust takes over...These are the first offenders ;-) They are Dolce and Gabbana, Crystine lace ankle boots. Again a shoe boot, but so delicate. I was deliberating for a long time about lace shoe boots and some were ridiculously expensive and and a lot of the high street versions didn't look like they would stand the test of time. Whether I spend £20 or £200, I really like things to last. This next pair were a real extravagance but in my defence the leather is like butter, they fit like a glove and are an awesome colour. Without fail, when I wear these someone compliments me on the shoes. They are Gianvito Rossi. Whilst looking through my current favs, I rediscovered, these lovely black, suede boots from Office. I love Office. For me, they produce fantastic shoes and boots that are often so close to an exact luxury brand design at a fraction of the cost. These are a few years old. I remember lusting after a pair of Christian Louboutin boots that I simply couldn't justify, even in my contrived mind. Then one day I was running chores in Wimbledon town and I walked into Office for some R&R and, to my delight, found these. Not exactly the same as the Louboutins obviously, but a definite nod in the right direction. Admittedly they are a bit scuffed, but they make me smile. As you may have realised I am a heel girl. I’ve been wearing heels since I was sixteen, I'm short (5'2") and walk a lot better in heels. Put me in pumps or sneakers and I tend to waddle like a duck. Heels seem to make me stride along and improve my posture.

To me, the shoes that stand the test of time are the ones that don’t date, go with a multitude of outfits and are comfortable.Shoes that I can’t walk in, or stand in for hours, when I’m performing for instance, are no good to me.

Like anything, walking high heels takes practice. I’m not for one minute saying I am the perfect heel wearer, but no one likes to see someone tottering and stumbling along in shoes they can’t walk in.

Just to reinforce the power of my addiction, I took a picture of the bottom half of my shoe cupboard (!).I know some people take photos of their shoes and put them on the outside. I like to label them, by make, style, material or an event that reminds of the shoes. I have some shoes from Aldo that I wore in a music video several years ago, that I think you can see at the bottom. I would love to know what your current fave shoes are and if/how you like to organise them. Leave me a comment below so we can compare collections!

Losing my father, led to my reinvention

Everyone has a story, a pivotal life changing moment. I have a few actually - life, it would seem, keeps slapping me in the face to ensure I get the message. But of those moments there are none more relevant to my life as a musician than this one…

On October 18th 2001, my father suffered serious complications from what should have been a routine back operation. When he woke, after four days and five subsequent operations, he could no longer walk, talk or see. My world had been utterly decimated.

A few long months later I rediscovered my voice – which, it turned out, would be my salvation.

At the risk of sounding like a contestant on a reality show, I always knew that I wanted to sing. I have always found the emotion in music compelling, intoxicating even. That beautiful partnership of melody and lyrics can take me anywhere and evoke latent memories of a different time. But despite playing the piano from the age of 4, guitar from 11 and singing since the age of 7, the goal of being a professional singer had constantly been shelved. My mother, who recognised my love for music at an early age, was reticent. Possibly because, aged 16, I came home with a blond haired, blue eyed, saxophone playing 24 year old boyfriend! But also because perhaps she considered music too unstable a career choice. “You’ll end up in the gutter” she would say, and I used to think, but that’s where the fun’s happening.

So after two Physics degrees and a few jobs in science and business publishing, life accelerated. I got married and had two beautiful children. Many would say that that was enough. But for me not singing turned out to be my biggest regret and my dissatisfaction was growing by the day.

By the end of 2001, my father was in still in hospital (he never came home). He died on 29 February 2004. My mother's heart was broken, she was becoming reclusive and I had a 3 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. That is when I enrolled in a jazz singing class where for two hours a week I was in paradise. My technique was pretty ropey but my teacher convinced me that this was something I could peruse professionally.

I went to some open mic sessions, met some amazing musicians and cut a demo to see if I could get work. It turned out that I could - perhaps not in the most salubrious of locations, but I really didn't care. One of my greatest faults is that I don't always think things through. I favour the “fly by the seat of your pants” approach to life, which sometimes is a curse, but in this case I think it was a blessing. I was literally living my dream, and if I had thought of the practicalities perhaps I would have packed it all in. Slowly both the gigs and my voice got better. I realised I had to put in some serious graft on my technique and repertoire, but to call it work would be fraudulent. Singing isn't work to me - it’s my passion and my compulsion.

Throughout this journey, my kids (now 16 and 17) have been my greatest support. When I doubt myself, they get lippy and arsy in a way only teenagers can. They propel me forward with crazy energy. They tell me to live my dream, because that's what I tell them to do. They tell me that there are no shortcuts, because that’s what I tell them that too. And when I’m exhausted they fold washing, they empty the dishwasher and they make cups of tea.

Life as a singer is crazy, busy and not always straightforward, but there is nothing I’d rather do. Ever. And I feel like I’m just getting started. Losing my father was unbearable, he was kind and warm and gentle and it was one of those things that I thought could never happen to me. But the silver lining was the rediscovery of my voice. Now I get to sing and write every day, I get to be part of a family full of talented musicians and songwriters and I'm pretty sure my dad is smiling down at me, whilst kicking up a storm in heaven.

Feeling the beauty buzz for Balbec

Discovering new things, whatever they are, always give me a bit of a buzz. Skin care products are no exception.

I am quite touchy about my skin, I had very bad eczema as a child and was admitted to hospital twice as my skin became badly infected. Apart from unhealthy skin, as a teenager being acutely aware of looking awful at times triggered lots of issues (as you can imagine). But I digress. Maybe those issues are posts for another day, if you want to talk issues I have an extensive list...

So. Skincare. I am a fan of products that are as natural as possible (although I appreciate sometimes skincare can need a bit of an added oomph). So on a recent trip to New York, I was delighted when I stumbled upon a new product called Balbec in my cousin’s bathroom.

My excitement multiplied when I discovered that this range was created by my cousin’s wife, Maneesha Patel. But, that’s not the headline. I’m telling you about these products because I've tried them, I liked them and they have worked for me. If it hadn’t I wouldn’t be writing about it (I wouldn’t want to hurt my lovely cousin-in-law's feelings!).

I am a fan of oils and Maneesha very kindly gave me a few bottles (well, I am family after all!). I used them under my moisturiser during the day and on their own at night and after a few days my skin was more glowing and radiant.

Whilst my skin problems took over my childhood and teenage years, Maneesha started having problems with her own skin as an adult. She found no respite from mass-produced skincare brands or from dermatologists' recommendation, so she was compelled to create something that worked for her.

She began a facial cleansing regimen based on a classic Indian preparation of yoghurt and turmeric and created fresh, preservative-free, food-grade & nutrient-dense preparations. She even got used refrigerating her cleanser and toner!

I guess the kicker here is you have to accept a shorter shelf life for your skincare products. But the ingredients are so pure and fresh it makes perfect sense.

A lot of thought and care has gone into this range (trust me, I know the creator). The name "Balbec" has been taken from the seaside resort in Marcel Proust's In Search of Lost Time, where the narrator recuperates from his illness within a landscape of fresh air, sea, and light. Knowing the origin of the name adds something intangible.

I am well aware that different people like different things. But I want to share with you things that I like, and work for me.At the moment, Balbec is in its infancy and is only available in the US, but I have a feeling it might be winging its way to our shores at some point.

And on that note, in case Maneesha is reading this, I have run out of my lovely oils…

Check it out, www.balbecbeauty.com