Little things that make you smile as a mother…

When you become a mother (or parent) I feel it is like perfecting your skills on some crazy Playstation game. And the teenager years are like the trickiest level.

Go with me on this, though I have never played a game on our Playstation - my son won’t let me (!).Anyway gaming and parenting  - you’ve honed and polished your skills and become pretty damn slick at what you do. You can get to the end of whatever the challenge is at lightening speed.

Then you reach a new unknown level, the teenage years hit and you realise that whilst you thought you knew what you were doing, you need a whole new arsenal of expertise fast.

The lows, the worries, the concerns, the fears, the power struggles, the altercations all increase in frequency and ferocity. You hang on "by the skin of your teeth".

You wonder how it is that your cute compliant (relatively easy) child has become this nearly full-grown adult who rebukes everything you say and do and is just contrary A LOT. You hang on "by the skin of you teeth" - have I said that already??There are still highs though and the highs are wonderful...even the run of the mill highs and I suppose this is why I am writing this today.

Yesterday was a normal Friday. I was working and my daughter was at home as she has finished her exams. I really feel that she deserves some time for fun as last year she was unable to sit her A-levels as she had glandular fever and was very unwell for months.

So her year off has not been quite the year she had planned – it's been tough and a challenge - basically treading water and studying for her exams. So I am all for her going out and having fun but when I am working and juggling chores…sometimes it makes me think “hmm”.

Anyway, yesterday she had to go to the dentist and then had a free day…and this is what she did…She went to the supermarket, made lunch, baked cookies and brownies, cleaned the kitchen, did the ironing, helped with the supper and bought me flowers.

For all the times I wonder if I have not brought my kids up as well as I should have - they almost second guess this thought and dispel my worries in a flash.

I am pretty vocal about the trials and tribulations of parenting and how it never stops stretching and challenging me. And I can been quite critical of my teenagers - so it is only right and proper that I highlight the good things too.

Above are the flowers she bought and everything she made and baked was delicious. Happy mother right here!! 

How this fashion addict shops the sales…

(Me in black and gold Gianvito Rossi sandals (from Matchesfashion.com bought at 30% off))

NOTE TO SELF:  I have used this pic a lot, so I will create more photo opportunities!

In the olden days, let’s say 10 years ago, my head would be giddy at the prospect of the sales and I would employ what I would call the ”smash and grab” approach of shopping.

All I saw were discounted prices and I fooled myself into thinking I was saving in the long run. I would often spend more than I had originally planned - as I would buy a few things I had earmarked earlier in the season, but then I would buy random “bargains”. More often than not the impulse buys would sit in my wardrobe unloved and unworn.

Nowadays my shopping skills have been refined and I am altogether a more discerning shopper.

I rarely go into “actual” shops as I don’t have the time, and am not prepared to have an “elbows at dawn” type situation with someone over a lovely skirt. Instead I have a mental wish list and conduct thorough research online.

Here are a few things I do when I shop the sales:

1. Invest in timeless pieces. Sales are the perfect time to invest in clothes that outlive fads and “flash in the pan" trends. Whatever your budget you may fall in love with something but not be able to justify the cost at full price. That is the time to wait and pounce when the sales are on. There is a gamble here as if you are a popular size – it may sell out, but on the other hand you may end up with something beautiful at half the cost. Sales are the perfect time to look for an evening dress, a winter coat, a designer handbag or a lovely pair of shoes.

(Me in a Badgley Mischka red silk evening dress from Outnet.com reduced from around £600 to around £200)

2. Invest in replacements for your staples. Go through your go-to items. For me this could be black tops and silk shirts. But you have to be tough on yourself. If you have 5 black shirts you don’t wear, then do you really need another even if it reduced by 70%??? On the other hand if you have a couple of beautiful shirts that you have worn to death and are looking a little threadbare and will be hard to repair – go for the new one in the sales.

3. Do you really need it? Some people I know may be falling over at me asking this question, as fashion is not always a question of “need”. But sales shopping is about being savvy – I try not to get swayed by the price tag if I would never wear said item. For me – this equates to jeans; there is no point me ever buying jeans as I don’t wear them – so sale or no sale it’s waste of money!

4. Do you still love it? Many of us browse online or in shops and earmark things we might like to buy. But when the sales come round that particular lust may have waned. The speed at which brands drop new collections means there are new lines to choose from nearly every week. So think carefully – it would be a shame to spend your budget on something you no longer adored.

5. Does it work with your existing wardrobe? Finally when you get your purchase home or it arrives thanks to the wonder of online shopping – double check – does it compliment/go with a number of things in your wardrobe. Is it as lovely as you thought it was? If doesn’t tick all your boxes – send it back. There is no point having a bargain if it is going to sit in your wardrobe – that is false economy!!Every avid shopper knows there are lovely things for all of us – whatever our style, whatever our budget - every season. That is why the fashion industry is booming and is so good at what it does.

I have learned over the years to buy less but buy smarter. I guess I am saying have a strategy especially when you shop the sales…. And enjoy all those markdowns!

How good are you at relaxing …or better still doing absolutely nothing?

I’ve been thinking about this for the last few weeks. So, I suppose in some ways this post is my way of asking for advice.

I have always been pretty bad at relaxing. I am definitely a “doer” so when I sit down to chill, it’s as though I have “ants in my pants”.

It takes me at least three sittings to watch a 40 minute programme on TV as I always leap up to “just something quickly”, thereby sabotaging my own relaxation.

As for actually doing nothing – I am truly abysmal. I find the theory quite appealing, but in reality doing nothing feels bewildering and slightly scary.

I’m getting rather annoyed with myself, and tired, so I need to take action, but how?

Now I am not claiming my life is any more full than anyone else’s and I have always thought of being self-employed (as I am) as a luxury, especially when you have children. I can fit things around my children’s needs and make up time elsewhere.

But the down side is I can always make up time elsewhere so I don’t factor in time to stop.

I am, however, quite good at doing things for my well-being. I meditate daily, exercise 5 times a week and my sleep is extremely precious to me.

But I have realized it’s not same.

Meditation, exercise, even sleep have a purpose. Relaxation doesn’t feel that way. And as for doing nothing - isn’t that a bit of a waste of time?

There is also the ‘maternal guilt factor’ - because just sitting down to relax or doing nothing feels lazy.

As I write this, I remember reading an article several years ago in relation to parenting, which discussed the importance and benefits of children doing nothing and how too much structure was not good for them. So I suppose the same principles can apply to adults.

So I wanted to come up with a list of things I could do to relax so I have been asking friends and here are some things they have suggested:

1. Reading – This one should be easy. I love to read. But nowadays I rarely sit down with a book unless I’m on holiday.

2. Watch a TV programme or film from start to finish without my laptop or phone to hand (this feels like intermediate level relaxation…)

3. Go for a walk – just for the sake of going for a walk. I always have the best of intentions with this one, but never seem to manage to make the time.

4. Gardening – I feel this one might be a joke as I am not known for my “green fingers” – but maybe I could sit in my garden more often…with a book??

5. Do something restful – like sew or knit. Funnily enough I used to do both these things as a teenager…maybe it is time to dust off my sewing machine…

6. Cook for pleasure – now I must admit I don’t really associate cooking as relaxing these days, it is more a necessity – and I’m pretty sure many mothers would agree. But as I have mentioned before I do find baking very restful, so maybe I need to make more time for that, as I’m sure it would be appreciated in my house.

So whilst this list is not looking unachievable, I have no idea where I would find the time and I suppose that is the point.We have to make the time to relax and the purpose can be that there is no purpose and that has benefits in itself....What do you think? I'd love to know your thoughts and what you do to relax.And as for actually doing nothing - that feels far too advanced for me - so I’ll have to work up to it…         

5 Short Girl “Fashion Rules” - Part 2:

(Me - in Gianvito Rossi sandals, Philip Lim skirt and a Tibi top)

Earlier this week I started looking at some “fashion rules” for short girls. As I said I feel I have a little authority here, as I am 5’2”.Here are my next five rules, and whilst I am coming from a vertically challenged perspective I do feel these five points could be relevant whatever your height.

So here goes:

1. The shape of your clothes. Beware of clothes that are too oversized or shapeless. Add a belt to create a more flattering shape, or tuck a particularly draped blouse in. There is nearly always a ”get around” to make something work for you.

(A old fave - my burgundy drapey Pyrus shirt)

2. Experiment with coordinating and clashing. I often read us short girls are better off wearing block colours or monochrome. Sometimes one colour head to toe or a black and white outfit look wonderful. But there are so many beautiful things out there to try. For me, fashion is all about enjoying what I am wearing and showing you my personality and how I am feeling on any given day. Some days I definitely feel more subdued and some days I feel “WAAAAHHHHHHH”!! So experiment - this season more than ever the clashing of patterns and colours is everywhere. And even you feel you make a mistake - it is only fashion…so have fun with it…

IMG_3075

(A few faves from my wardrobe - A Peter Pilotto dress, Philip Lim top, Zara beige camisole...)

3. Dress for yourself. This might be a little contradictory given the subject of this post - because I am saying don’t follow someone else’s rules - but we all need to know the rules so we can choose which to follow and which to ignore. Knowing what you like to wear and what suits you is what it is all about. Ultimately, I believe the right fashion choices can boost your confidence - and confidence is a beautiful thing.

4. Less is more. There is a famous Coco Chanel quote, “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.” This is a great one for anyone really but especially us short girls. You don’t want to look “overdone” in your choice of outfit or accessories. Less is definitely more. For instance, personally, if I wear long earrings, I never wear a necklace. I never have an arm full of bracelets or rings on every finger. If my dress is simple, I can go a little crazier with my shoes or vice versa. I adore getting ready to go out whether I am working, meeting friends or going somewhere special but I also leave five minutes to give myself an impartial look over, and if I’m feeling brave - I ask my 19 year old daughter – she will never sugar coat what she thinks and I am actually very grateful for that!

5. Don’t forget your hair. This follows on from my previous point. And anyone who knows me knows I feel strongly about my hair – looking after it, and making it work for me. Your hair is a pretty pivotal accessory. If as a short girl you decide to wear something “full on” – go simple with your hair. My default is to leave my hair down - which is fine but it can look too big at times, in which case I just tie it up in a ponytail or chignon. Again, less is more.

(Me - freshly washed hair)

So there you have it, my “Fashion Rules” for short girls. Let me know what you think – and what your rules are, if any x   

5 Short Girl “Fashion Rules” - Part 1:

(Me in an old (vintage!) Oscar De La Renta printed dress)

A couple of weeks ago I asked whether you have a set of fashion rules you follow, and I touched on some “well known rules” for short girls – I feel I have some valuable input here as I am 5’2”!As I have gleaned many of us have “ fashion rules” even if your rule is you don’t really care about fashion and your clothes are functional and practical.

Rightly or wrongly, I am not that kind of girl… comfort is of course important but practicality is never high on my list. My fashion philosophy is more “If I love it, I’ll make it work...”Anyway I thought I’d look at some “short girl” rules in a little more detail:

1. Heels. A short girl’s fashion must. Adding inches to your height makes most outfits look better and if you are anything like me – my posture improves in heels. Having decided this is a “good” rule – it would follow that short girls shouldn’t wear flats. But ultimately shoe choice, in my opinion, comes down to – what you walk well in, and what you feel comfortable and confident in.

2. Ankle straps. Sandals and shoes with ankle straps are apparently a fashion no-no for short girls but I don’t agree. As with any rule (or let’s say “guideline”, as not sure fashion actually needs rules) I feel we need to find what works for us. I take the point that ankle straps can shorten the line of your leg but you have to work with your own body’s proportions and personally I love an ankle strap. Play with the length of your dress or trousers to find the right balance. And if you are not great at walking in heels - ankle straps can give you more support.

(Christian Louboutin sandals)

3. Prints. This is a case-by-case subject. Smaller prints with fewer colour ways definitely work. I think prints that are too big, garish and busy do not work for short girls. However big prints can work if you take the fabric into consideration – for instance big prints on chiffon/translucent fabrics can work really well. I feel personality plays a big part in this rule. Some people whatever their height can pull off prints and some just can’t.

(Topshop Unique's Elystan blouse)

4. Hemlines. So the general rule here is shorter girls should wear shorter hemlines. Whilst this is logical and I am often in miniskirts or shorts - it is not always appropriate. Also, body shape and even age (!) comes into it. Ten years ago my shorts were really short - now they are more mid thigh…(something my 17 year old son is very grateful for!). As for midi lengths – I touched upon this in my post, “Do you have a list of fashion rules you follow?” - you never want to be drowned in a outfit, so if a dress is nipped in at your waist, the material is not too voluminous and the hem cuts your calf in the right place – you’re onto a winner. As for maxis – I would only wear something floor length if I were going to a ball and for me, the longer the better. I actually like a pool of fabric on the floor so I have to pick up my skirt as I walk. Fabric is pivotal for this hemline – think skimming rather than swamping…

(My fave Self Portrait dress - I know I have used this pic before - but it is the best example of a midi dress I have!)

5. Underwear. All I would say here is choose wisely. Above all you need to feel good and your underwear is the foundation to any outfit. Do you like “shapewear”? If you do, that’s great, I personally don’t; guard against a VPL at all costs (this is my pet hate); and if need be, don’t be shy about going without - no one needs to know you’re not wearing any underwear! I don’t remember thinking about underwear options when I was younger but as I get older and after having children I find the right underwear or lack of can make an outfit.

Ok there you have it, Part 1 of 5 Short Girl “Fashion Rules”… a few things us shorter girls could consider…what do you think? Feedback gratefully received... Part 2 later this week x  

Gigging on Friday...

So I have been mentioning this on Facebook, Twitter and my IG account and just thought I'd put this poster up here too.

I know full well that lunchtime gigs are hard to get to - but I am so excited to be performing my new material and a few old favourites too that it would be lovely if you were able to come along.

Here's the ticket link if you fancy booking in advance:  http://www.royalalberthall.com/tickets/events/2016/free-friday-music-parry-ray/

Anyway, I am off to do a bit of "la, la laing..." in preparation :) Speak soon x

Choosing detoxing over dieting

(Nosh Breakfast Fruit smoothie)

My worst vice is sugar – chocolate, cake, pudding and alcohol. Sugar and I have a long, complex relationship, one I totally enable.

Occasional “treats” very quickly become habits and then before I know where I am dependent on my next sugar fix and carrying 2-3 extra pounds, which I find hugely irritating.

I don’t like to diet as that feels like denial to me. The minute I tell myself I can’t have something – that’s all I want.

Detoxing, on the other hand, feels more productive and beneficial – like a reset. So about ten days ago I did a 3-day detox. The primary goal was to break my sugar habit and to hopefully shift my extraneous weight (!)Over the years, I have done 48 hours cleanse type things where all you drink is a balanced potion diluted in water, I’ve done longer 10 day detoxes where you eliminate a lot of food groups and then reintroduce them gradually over a week and a half, and I have done juice cleanses.

But I didn’t have the time to devote to a longer detox and I like food, so I thought I’d look for something that had a food element but was short.

After a little research I settled on the 3-day "Body Smooth & Tone Fast Weight Loss" (BST) programme from Nosh Detox.

Now I know these programmes aren’t cheap but having done some investigation, Nosh seemed reasonable and as I was busy I liked the idea of everything turning up for each day freshly prepared and all I had to do was eat it!

So here’s a sample menu:

This is what I can tell you. Everything I ate and drank was delicious. The breakfast smoothie was a great way to start the day and more filling than I had anticipated, lunch was enormous (see below) and I was very grateful to have a something served hot in the evenings. My only criticism is that I would have liked to have known all the ingredients in the juices and smoothies - but I was forewarned by Nosh that the Chef's descriptions were very brief.

(Day One and Day Three lunches - I can assure you this is a LOT of salad)

There was definitely less food overall than I would ordinarily eat, but I am pretty sure there are days when I overeat, and searching for something “extra” or a treat to eat after my meal is a really bad habit of mine.

Day One was fine, though I was clock watching till my next allotted meal or snack.

Day Two felt easy and I thought I had adjusted to my new regime but funnily enough Day Three was the hardest day. For some reason my body was testing me and wanting more food than I was giving it, which was different to the first two days.

Having said that, I didn’t get any headaches or other untoward side effects. I slept well and woke up each day feeling energised.

So a week and bit on, I have stopped craving sugar and I seemed to have broken the conditioned reflex I had for looking for something sweet at certain times of the day, I have become much more aware of portion control …and I have lost two kilos and it’s still off.

I’m not saying I am off sugar - when I am out in the evenings – pudding and alcohol seem to feature quite heavily, but right now I feel in control to pick and choose, what I want and if I really want it – and that feels like a good place to be.

A quick word about Nosh – in my experience they were thorough (checking likes and dislikes, allergies etc.), efficient and helpful - and just to reiterate - the food was delicious.

I’m not sure I would manage a longer, 6-day programme but I would definitely do another detox from Nosh. 

Do you have a list of fashion rules you follow?

 (A night out - Gianvito Rossi sandals, Dolce and Gabbana skirt, ALC top and Ally Cappelino bag)

There are rules and regulations everywhere, even in the world of fashion. And whilst I love structure, I’m not a huge fan of being told what I can and cannot do or wear…One of the things I come across a lot when googling fashion is “What short girls should avoid wearing.

”Whilst I find these lists useful as “guidelines” (I’m 5’2”), if I steered clear of everything I was told not to wear because of my height: midi skirts/dresses, maxi skirts/dresses, stripes, shoes with ankle straps, draped blouses and dresses, prints and carrying oversized handbags to name a few I would have never discovered some of my greatest wardrobe loves - sandals with ankle straps for instance:

(Brian Attwood sandals)

Totally avoiding midi and maxi lengths as a short girl is a weird one too - as you immediately cut out so many options. And though I often wear shorter dresses and skirts – I choose my outfit depending on how I feel and what I am doing that day and sometimes it’s just not appropriate to be wearing a short skirt - at my son’s parents’ evening (!)

What I would say about longer length dresses and skirts, actually clothes in general, is fabric is key. Recently, designers have been using a lot of matelassé fabrics for their clothes and these don’t work for me. They feel too stiff and I feel swamped, so in this respect the rules are right.

However, there are always exceptions. You may have seen on my socials I have been raving about Self Portrait dresses. The lace is quite heavy - but the cut and the nude linings work and if I hadn’t tried, I wouldn’t have ended up this this gorgeous number:

(Self Portrait Azaelea dress)

Now obviously I am looking at this from my diminutive perspective. But I discovered the other day my mate Cristina, who is 5’10”, who shares my love for fashion, also finds fashion can be a challenge.

There must be a list of "tall girls rules" too – but like me, but she has learned what works for her.

Apparently cropped jeans are a nightmare as they often end up looking like Capri leggings. And dresses can also be tricky, as the waist doesn't always sit in the right place.

This hadn’t occurred to me at all, as I thought being taller made fashion altogether easier.

I guess my own rules come down to shape and proportion – mine, and the clothes I try on. Fabric (as I said), colour, print also come into play.

We all know our body shapes and have bits we want to accentuate and bits we’d like to skim over… we build our own set of fashion rules and our personal style follows.

And perhaps most importantly, we instinctively know what we love and what we don’t,  and how good we feel in what we are wearing.

I’m going to leave you with a non-fashion quote, which I feel is relevant here from Sir Isaac Newton (I have as scientific past in case you didn’t know). Newton said, “ You have to make the rules, not follow them.” I completely agree…so what are your fashion rules?  

Are you wearing a bomber jacket this season?

navy

muveil

(Embroidered bomber jacket from Zara.com)

As the weather is getting brighter and warmer here in London, I‘m turning my attention to my spring/summer wardrobe.

It is no secret I adore shopping and we all love a bit of newness in our lives and the change of a season is often the ideal time to inject a new favourite or two into our wardrobes. And over the last few months there is the one thing that keeps catching my eye - the bomber jacket.

There used be a time, a very long time ago, when you had to be pilot to wear a bomber jacket but obviously this is no longer the case! Whilst this 90s fave has been around for many years, probably propelled into our fashion hearts after Top Gun - this season, it’s everywhere.

Now I have always steered clear of the bomber jacket. It has always been too much on the sporty side of fashion for me – a cool combination of tomboy and street wear. And whilst I love how it looks – we can all agree I’m not very “street” - but this spring, things are looking different.

There are definitely more feminine options around with designers producing bomber jackets in softer pastels shades rather than the traditional khakis and blues and more fluid fabrics are being used.

And suddenly, the jacket that I would never have worn has become much more versatile. Wherever you look this season it is pared with everything from dresses to skirts to jeans. And who doesn’t love versatility?

Versatility is one of the key things I consider when buying clothes. I want most things I buy to be repeatedly wearable. I love beautiful clothes that can be worn in a variety of ways and will stand the test of time – for a good few years at least.

The other reason I have never bought a bomber jacket is my daughter has one. I know many mothers and daughters who dress quite similarly – but that is not the case in this house. We have distinctly different body shapes and styles and I really like that.

(Alexus navy bomber jacket @ www.prettything.com)

Her jacket is navy sateen and whilst it looks cool and she wears it very well, I am drawn to the jackets with less padding, more embroidery and made with more luxurious fabrics.

I love to keep up with fashion but I won’t buy something just because it’s on trend or “all the rage”, it has to fit with my style. In my head the bomber jacket I am looking for is somewhere between a cardigan and a summer jacket – so that’s how I am going to wear it.

The Zara bomber jacket at the top of this post is my ideal but though I registered on the waitlist, it sold out before I got any notification :(So, undeterred I now have my eye on this Muveil one…what do you think?(Muveil embroidered silk bomber jacket Matchesfashion.com)

Our children - they grow up so quickly...

Over the last week I have spoken to a number of mothers with younger children than my own and have chatted about the stages they are at, at the moment.

Whenever I chat to other mothers I really hope I am of some use; I certainly know that I often look to friends who have older children for advice and reassurance, because sometimes it is comforting to know even if you feel like you are in the middle of a parenting storm – it will pass.

One of the things, mothers of younger children say to me is “I just want to make the most of this phase, they grow up so quickly.”

This is of course true. All our lives, whether we are parents or not, seem to fly by at an alarming rate.

I remember when my children were babies, or toddlers how much I wanted to cherish every moment and make the most of that age. I also remember many women, my mother included, telling me I would miss those days.

Of course, there are days and stages I miss, but talking to mothers with younger children this week made me realise that though precious moments pass you don’t actually lose anything – you always have the memories and you just gain a new phase and it is as great as the one before.

I would still standby the statement I have made many a time - that the teenage years are by far the most challenging I have had to date. And I will hold my hands up and say I know I have had many a whinge on my blog about my teenage kids.

We don’t snuggle up and read stories together anymore, my children don’t run to the door when I get home and I certainly don't get notes like the one above – but we still watch TV together, we chat about each other’s days, we even go to the pub together, which is a new but wonderful development, in my opinion.

Even last Sunday, which was Mother’s Day in the UK, was notably different to when my kids were little. My day was spent working as my kids had previous commitments and weren’t around for the day.

But on Monday my daughter went to the supermarket, did the food shop, bought me some flowers and made a delicious supper and my son took me out for breakfast this morning.

When my kids were younger they would be full of good intentions but often the reality wouldn’t materialise; my adult children seem very true to their word.

So, yes they do grow up far too quickly but that’s just the way it is – none of us can change that.

A phrase comes to mind that both my children used to say when they were little. They used to come back from nursery or school and say, “Look what I made…”Now when I look at them, that’s often what I am thinking with a huge smile on my face…   

About last night – the Slipknot gig.

Ok this is going to be short and sweet, because as we all know I am not a metal aficionado.Last night I went to Alexandra Palace in North London to see Slipknot. Although I was born north of the river, I now live in SW London so I had forgotten what a great venue “Ally Pally” is, as I haven’t been for a while. And the view of London as you walk up the hill from the station is breathtaking.

So first things first, I was slightly apprehensive as I thought maybe the vibe would be a little aggressive to suit the mood of the music, but actually no. Part of me was a little disappointed. Of course there were hoards of people in heavy metal T shirts and black leather; and the tattoos and piercings were rife – but I guess they are in every day life anyway, so that was hardly a news flash.

Everyone seemed lovely and friendly – in fact I would say the atmosphere was quite jolly!I didn’t catch the support act. But as I waited for Slipknot to arrive, David Bowie’s “Ashes to Ashes” was blasted out of the speakers - I liked that very much.

When Slipknot came on – the audience just came together – didn’t matter how “hardcore” or “ordinary” they looked – they were as one. There was a lot of nodding, some jostling and screaming of the lyrics around me – which was great – I did feel bad that I didn’t know any lyrics except for “Snuff” which they didn’t play.

It was loud and chaotic but pretty enthralling. I loved the rotating drum kits on either side of stage and the fact that whenever you are at a big live gig the drums just course through your veins from the ground up.

I only really knew Dead Memories and Psychosocial as I have the “All hope is gone” album but I did enjoy myself.

I heard riffs and melodic references I recognized, I loved the rhythm section and Corey Taylor works the crowd effortlessly.

The stereotypes of the constant swearing (which I found quite amusing) and the often ugly/disgusting imagery on the video screens didn’t add anything in my opinion, but maybe that’s what’s expected and obviously part of the image. I don’t like their masks at all, but I’m guessing there must be reason? Maybe I should Google…Not sure I would swap my jazz and MOR gigs for heavy metal just yet, but I would definitely go again.  

A New Year’s resolutions update: Saying “YES” to more things…

A few days ago someone was asking me about one of my New Year’s resolutions – saying yes to more things. They were asking what the limits were, which I thought was an interesting question, as I don’t know.

To me, saying “yes” to more things definitely means stepping out of my comfort zone and trying different experiences but I’m not going to force myself to do anything I don’t want to. Saying yes to more things in my mind is going to be enriching, exhilarating and interesting, not remotely unpleasant.

Having said that, as I write this I am slightly apprehensive, as I have agreed to go to a gig tonight. A Slipknot gig.

In case you don’t know, Slipknot look like this:

My daughter looked incredulous when I told her what I was doing tonight…and I guess that’s fair enough as Slipknot and me are a pretty unlikely combination.

I don’t think I said yes on a whim…I am truly intrigued. I can say hands down I have never been to a gig like this before. I have been to plenty of rock gigs in my time, but not a heavy metal gig and nothing as heavy as I know this is going to be.

I know it’s going to be loud and aggressive and whilst I have had a listen to their most recent album, I’m going to be in that odd position of not knowing any of the tunes (!), so I won’t be singing along (!!).

I am trying not to have any expectations but if I had to pick one word that I feel will describe my experience tonight, it would be “scary”.

I have visions of being surrounded by an audience wearing Slipknot masks with a lot of studded leather, looking menacing – or maybe my brain is just wildly generalizing!

I have been quite vocal on my love of Corey Taylor’s songwriting and maybe I would feel less trepidation if he were performing with Stone Sour, but he’s not.

I’m hoping for a stripped down ballad or two – a nice acoustic interlude… I would love to hear them perform Snuff which I covered on my album “The Way I’m Wired” – although I don’t know how likely that is.

Me being me, my biggest dilemma is what to wear. I feel the need to toughen myself up a bit, so nothing pink or overly girly and comfort is pretty important as apparently I’m going to be standing for the evening – and I haven’t done that at gig for a long time!I am possibly over-thinking the whole thing. Maybe there will be lots of people just like me and I’ll just blend in? Hmmm....Anyway, whatever my experience, rest assured, I’ll let you know how I get on… 

Stellar beauty treatments in SW London

(Bellissima Beauty Boutique in Wimbledon Village)

Rummaging around in my wallet last week I found a “£25 off” voucher for use in January at my local beauty salon, Bellissima Beauty boutique.

I don’t know if you are like me, because whilst I love a voucher or a special offer I tend to put them in my wallet or handbag and then rediscover them after the expiry date. Very frustrating…Anyway, I found this voucher in good time and booked an appointment for yesterday afternoon and took a sneaky hour and a half off and went to have a massage and a facial.

Bellissima Beauty Boutique is the salon I featured on my blog in the post, “Do you want low maintenance lovely lashes? Try this...” owned by 29 year-old Simona Masso.

Simona as I have said before, is pretty damn impressive in my opinion. Her first salon in Wimbledon Village is coming up to five years old and she has now opened a second salon in Raynes Park (right opposite Raynes Park station if you are worried about getting there).

“Bellissima Beauty & Relax” or Bellissima Raynes Park as I have it filed in my head is bigger than its Wimbledon Village sister. The idea, I think, is it is more of a spa-like environment where you are likely to go for more relaxing, longer treatments.

Having said this, both salons do everything – whether you need a manicure express, wax or a more luxurious treatment like a facial.

Anyway, back to me, and yesterday’s treatments. I had my massage and facial with Victoria Gratrick, one of the lovely therapists at Raynes Park.

A working mother, Victoria’s CV is ridiculously impressive and the places she has been headhunted to work at read like the “who’s who” of the beauty world.

From the moment I lay down on the heated bed I prayed for time to go as slowly as possible. I momentarily forgot that I would have to get back to my working day - it was unadulterated bliss.

Every treatment is tailor made for your needs and the salons use Murad and Mio products. In fact, I believe Victoria is the only trainer for Mio in the country and has designed a lot of the massage techniques used in the treatments.

I have been suffering with neck and shoulder pain over the last few weeks and came out feeling more mobile and my face was glowing after the facial.

All the therapists at both salons are trained meticulously but the most obvious thing is they clearly love what they do.

A quick word about the voucher I had. Simona and her team excel at keeping their clients happy. There are always discounts and deals galore.

You can buy courses of treatments where you pay for a certain number and get a certain number free, you get a loyalty card - which gets stamped each time you spend £50. Depending on how many stamps you have you could get a free file and paint, back massage or an hour’s facial.

So using my voucher and a loyalty stamp my visit cost £32.50, yep, you read that correctly…and it was top notch.

I’m an only child, so normally sharing is hard for me. But the care, treatments, expertise and wonderful vibe in the Bellissima salons are worth sharing. If you fancy A-list treatments, with wonderfully qualified therapists at really competitive prices – you should really check it out…

(http://www.bellissimawimbledon.co.uk)       

What kind of mother are you: Tiger or Tigger?

A few days ago I had coffee with a lovely mate of mine. We were chatting about our kids and I was rambling as I do…and then she said, “Parry, you’re a Tigger mum.”

“Tigger mum?“ I asked. I was not familiar with the expression. “Yes,” she said “Tigger as opposed to Tiger.”

I’m not sure it is an actual recognized definition - but being likened to an orange, bouncy, over-exuberant fictitious animal felt like a compliment to me.

After a good catch up, I went home and shared my new label with my kids. I was met with a tirade of “Ha!” “No way” and “pfft!!” and plenty of eye rolling. I was told in no uncertain terms that - I was not a Tigger mum and in fact I was very “Tiger”.

Now I don’t know about you – but I don’t view being called a Tiger mum as a compliment at all - and knowing my kids that might be why they said it.

In case it has escaped you, a Tiger mum is defined as an extremely strict or demanding mother who pushes her children to high levels of achievement.

The term was coined by Yale law professor Amy Chua in her memoir Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.

Over the years, I have met a few “Tiger mums” and whilst I tend not to get on with them so well and can be quite disparaging about some of the things they say and the way they parent; I am quite impressed by their conviction and how resolute they are about their goals for their children and how they execute them.

It turns out there are a quite a few definitions for mothers (!) but the opposite of Tiger mum is actually an Elephant mum. An Elephant mum is a mother who believes that she needs to nurture, protect and encourage her children above all else.

As mothers, I feel we have a little bit of Tiger and Elephant in us, and in my case, a bit of Tigger too!I unashamedly want my kids to achieve their potential and not waste whatever talent they have – provided that’s what they want. But, in nearly two decades I have not been able to master the art of getting my kids to apply their efforts to things I want them to do, because I think it would be beneficial - so maybe I’m not as Tiger as they think I am... or I am a really substandard Tiger mum!

As for the ‘Elephant mum’ element – I feel most mothers - certainly the ones I know - want to nurture and protect their children – our mechanisms may be slightly different but I feel this is a basic, primal feeling that takes over the minute we give birth.

As for being told I was a "Tigger" mum, even though my kids don’t agree - it did really please me.

Although, I looked up Tigger’s personality traits and found this: “Tigger is always filled with great energy and optimism, and though always well-meaning, he can also be mischievous, and his actions have sometimes led to chaos and trouble for himself and his friends. Also, he often undertakes tasks with gusto, only to later realize they were not as easy as he had originally imagined.

”So maybe being a "Tigger" mum is not ideal either…but cherry picking the best qualities of all three – now that’s a well rounded mother… 

Mothers and daughters: is this possibly one of the most difficult relationships ever?

Whether you are a mother, daughter or an innocent bystander  - when sparks fly between a mother and a daughter - you better watch out.

Mothers and daughters know each other's weakest spots; exactly which buttons to press and which comments will cut to the bone.

We also know how to make things right for each other, how to comfort each other and what to say and when not to say it.

But why is this relationship such a potential minefield?

I feel it’s because a mother often sees her daughter as an extension of herself. Maybe even her second chance do things again, better, with experience and hindsight.

A mother wants to protect her daughter from making the same mistakes she’s made. She wants to give her daughter opportunities she never had.

I certainly know from my upbringing – my mother would often say she wanted me to have what she didn’t have growing up.

I feel, a mother wants her daughter to like her and maybe be a little like her too, even though we don’t always admit to this.

The trouble with all that of course is daughters are not an extension of their mothers – they are their own person, with a unique mind-set and journey...I was historically quite smug about my relationship with my daughter. Up to her 16th birthday, she was completely straightforward – no terrible twos, threes or twelves. We were close – ski weekends and trips to Rome – just the two of us.

But at 16, things changed dramatically. We disagreed A LOT. She seemed to actively push against things I would do or say. I knew she was becoming independent and carving out her own way of living, but I wondered why our charmed relationship had to change?

The last few years have been challenging at times. But now my daughter is 18 I could not be more proud. She is absolutely her own person. She is independent, opinionated, determined, committed, intelligent and vibrant.

Her life and outlook are in many ways completely different to mine - but quite right too.

I am sure we have more challenges coming our way. As a mother, well, actually as me, I find it almost impossible to keep my mouth shut sometimes. But after an unpredictable few years, our relationship is pretty great.

We are not in each others' pockets as much as I would like (!) but we still understand each other in a way that is particular to us.

I feel mothers, sometimes subconsciously and unfairly expect too much from their girls - even though we say we don’t - maybe it is hardwired somewhere and won’t really change.

But - as mothers, we could be more mindful of this and as daughters we could cut our mothers a little slack.

For me as daughter, I still find it hard to go against something my mother has said even if I don't agree with it and sometimes I end up resenting the situation.

My daughter, however, armed with her modern day voice and an arsenal of choices does not hesitate to shoot me down if need be.

I guess the last few years have been really eye opening with respect to my relationship with my daughter and how we move forwards. I have learnt that I can’t “make” her do or be anything she doesn’t want to be. And to be honest, I wouldn’t really want her to…. so I can’t really complain, can I?  

How would you react to your child’s first serious girlfriend/boyfriend?

Would you throw your toys out of the pram? Would you be cool? Would you forbid it?

This is one of things I’ve been dreading as my son got older - the inevitable arrival of a girlfriend. Many of my friends have joked that I would not be cool… and I knew they were right.

Interestingly I was not remotely stressed about my daughter having her first serious boyfriend. It just felt like the natural order of things. But my son…well we all know the old clichés about mothers and sons!

For years I have had an extremely close relationship with my son. But things definitely shifted after he turned 16 as I discussed in a post last year, “The Anti Oedipus complex”.

As a mother, I suppose my main worry when it comes to girlfriends and boyfriends is that my children pick someone who isn’t ultimately good for them.

Relationships may come with an element of drama – especially teenage ones – but I believe any relationship, especially a romantic one, should be positive and the happy times outweigh the bad or sad.

There’s no need to change yourself to please someone else and above all you should both have each other’s back.

I knew I would have to deal with reality of a girlfriend sooner or later - and as with so many things in the lives of our teenagers there would be very little I could do about it.

So…. she arrived in the autumn. The exact timing is vague, as any parent with teenagers knows - details of any sort are kept secret and rarely shared with parents.

In addition to the vagueness, I have noticed teenagers these days aren’t overly keen on labels – but given the frequency with which they see each other - they are definitely going out.

What has been quite surprising to me, and those around me, is I have been calm and cool – supportive even.

Theoretically I have played many scenarios and reactions out in my head but ultimately my kids being happy overrides everything for me. And as is true in so many areas of life, especially parenting – there is a big difference between the  hypothetical and the reality.

I have to trust that the way I have brought them up, loved them and nurtured my kids is enough - so they make the right decisions for them.

Caring for someone, maybe falling in love is one of the best feelings I know. So I have to trust. After all, life is precious and worth living to the full and one thing that I have learned as a parent is it is their life not mine.

Luckily – so far – my kids have chosen nice boyfriends/girlfriends. And I am privately very proud of myself that I haven’t turned into a crazy banshee.

The girlfriend is lovely and my son seems happy. And like every mother I know if my kids are happy, I’m happy.   

When being kind – don’t forget about yourself

 I have had a revelation this December. If you have been following my social networking you will know I have been socialising a little more than I normally do.

It turns out that burning many candles at both ends is actually exceptional fun and I love it and I have experienced an interesting by-product.

To survive this party season I have had to be kinder to myself - something I am not terribly good at.

Like many people I know, I feel I am pretty good at being kind to others – complimenting them, raising them up, assessing their needs, and telling them what to do for the best in a certain situation.

If someone I care about has had a bad day or is feeling upset I have no problem dropping everything to help them, listen or empathise. I feel compelled to find a way to make them feel better.

But it wouldn’t cross my mind to do this for myself. Why is it so much harder to be kind to ourselves?

So funnily enough - partying, working and doing the normal household stuff has forced me to cut myself a little slack.

Here are some of the ways I am being kind to me.

Physical kindness:

To me, this is covering the basics – looking after yourself physically. After all, we only have one body – so it makes sense to take good care of it.

To some extent, I am quite good at this. Even if I have been out eating and drinking late, I tend to redress the balance the next day by eating lots of healthy food and drinking masses of water – dehydration is a killer – especially after a lot of alcohol!

I also make myself exercise – I cannot emphasis the benefits of this – even if only for 15 minutes - getting hot and sweaty coupled with the endorphins rush works wonders!

However…the bits I am not so good at are - resting, sleeping in, and taking breaks to release the stresses of the day – I am a self-confessed “Queen of powering through”. And I often have to remind myself of the benefits of relaxing and slowing down.

I would like to point out however, resting and doing less in a day is not me giving myself permission to be a complete slacker - but sometimes cutting myself a bit of slack.

Mental kindness:

The most important way of being kind to yourself mentally, I have discovered is silencing your inner voice. I have an inner voice that can be quite lovely. But that’s not the one I’m talking about.

You know the one, we all have our version – the inner voice that berates and highlights all the ways we have fallen short.

The voice in my head focuses on the “I should haves’ and judgement reigns supreme.

Now I am not saying that going out for a few weeks has silenced my (at times detrimental) inner voice but I have chosen not to listen to it or give it as much power. For me, this is a big mental victory.

So being kind to myself has many more merits than I realised and I have decided for the New Year that it is something that I’m going to nurture…I suppose like so many things, it is a question of balance…How about you? How good are you at being kind to yourself?  

Why does discontent fuel inspiration?

Since the weekend, I have been intending to share a motherhood type post.

My daughter got tonsillitis unexpectedly with a raging 40-degree temperature and my son got concussed in the last play of a rugby match.

These two things completely out of the blue have sent me into a mini spiral of worry and stress.

So I started writing something along the lines of how worrying doesn’t stop as your children get older and how the control you had when they were younger has been replaced by your child’s autonomy and is a double-edged sword.

But the worry, frustration, discontent and upset took my brain somewhere completely different.

The parental side of me has been to doing all the things you’d expect – taking practical steps to look after my kids, even though at 17 and 18 they often see it as “harassing” and smothering.

But the emotions have continued to bubble away furiously. The only relief from and dissipation of these visceral emotions has come from writing songs and listening music.

My usual ‘go-tos” of meditation and exercise have left me pacing, without the relief I was hoping for.

As I have tried to calm my brain, lyrics have come so fast I struggle to write them all down. It’s the only release, for me, that is truly cathartic.

I sing new melodies without even thinking about them. They seem effortless and cohesive, which is odd as sometimes I find this troublesome…It has been one of those weekends when I am reminded that the artist and mother in me are so intertwined. I have been a mother for nearly 20 years. But I have singing, performing and writing poetry since I was 7, so I suppose separating out these two fundamental parts of me is not always possible.

The mother in me cannot bear the worry or upset and I try to rid myself of it swiftly.

But the artist me almost enjoys picking it apart, putting under a microscope and magnifying the most sensitive and painful points.

I have realized I do this a lot. It is one of the most effective ways of draining negative emotion and discontent from me. It is almost like an addiction and the most effective medication at the same time.

To be clear I am a happy person, fundamentally. But shit happens sometimes, in all manner of guises, and it seems to fuel inspiration for me in a way that happiness just doesn’t.

And I know I am not alone in this.

In October, Florence Welsh was quoted by saying “her career was basically over as she has nothing to write about at the moment because she was so content”. She joked she needed someone to break her heart again to give her inspiration.

Some years ago I remember reading an article in which Lily Allen said, something along the lines of - when she needed inspiration she would start an argument with a boyfriend to fuel her creativity.

Why do discontent, sadness, anger, drama, trouble and heartache make the fires of creativity burn so brightly? Especially when we are all often saying we are pursuing happiness and peace of mind…I don't know the answer, but I'd like to...What do you think? 

How we choose to present ourselves

I found this Marilyn Monroe quote and I had to share.

I have spent the last couple of months looking at visuals of myself and picking myself apart. My team and I have focussed on the reality of who I am as an artist and tried to bring out the different facets of my personality in the most natural way possible.

Sometimes, however, I cringe at what I see. We are all without doubt our own worst critics, are we not?

We all have a lot of choice these days, and I wholeheartedly agree with freedom of choice - but having experienced the hospitalisation of my father as a result of a necessary operation that did not go according to plan, I will never have non life saving surgery. Could I do with a tummy tuck? Oh yes…does my face need tweaking? Probably… but...I suppose what I am saying is I have reached a new level of acceptance of how I look and am becoming increasingly comfortable in the skin I’m in - even though it is less than toned in places and the wrinkles are starting to pick up momentum. However I can't pretend I'm not fortunate - I'm very lucky with my hair for instance, and you lovely people have been extremely flattering about my new video (in which I'm not wearing a whole lot!).

A few people have commented on the fact that you can see my stomach in certain shots in the video and how that is quite brave as it is my least favourite bit of me.

But whilst it was uncomfortable when I first saw it - it is part of me. The reality is I put on a lot of weight when I was pregnant with my kids and lost it quite quickly, this coupled with a massive muscle separation in my stomach left me with a lot of work to do!

And whilst a toned flat stomach would be incredible, I have two beautiful children - so I feel lucky. If that was the trade off  - I came out on top.

I suppose it is human nature to point out our flaws and it is easy. It also seems increasingly easy to "fix" our physical flaws and create a contrived reality...and I suppose that is where choice comes into play.

I will be writing some posts about how we try to create perfection in some way or another in our lives - whether it’s body image, lifestyle or autotuning vocals on an album. And as I gather research, I would love to know what you think.

Through creating content for my new album - the amazing team with whom I work have urged me to embrace how I look and the faces I pull when I sing and have reminded me that the imperfections of reality have merits. In fact, I am grateful for this reminder as I truly believe it is our flaws that make us interesting and beautiful. Your thoughts?

He Drives Me Crazy - My brand new video!

My brand new video is out now! It's for my cover of The Fine Young Cannibals classic She Drives Me Crazy. Come have a look...We wanted to keep the whole theme very 80's - not just musically but with the fashion and video style as well - I hope you like it, please do let me know what you think!

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